Tips to catch cheating wives and how to recover afterwards.

[Anonymous]

Does anyone have any pointers to help men that think that their wives are cheating? Years ago, my wife had an emotional affair and I made some mistakes because I was so hurt. I haven't really healed from it because, in part, I think that she's still lying about parts of it. I was too quick to show her evidence I found whenever I found something new. This allowed her to make additional ways to contact the guy. If I just had let the communications to continue longer without exposing her, I could have had a better picture about what she was saying about me. I wasn't patience enough and it just became a game.

We are still together, but we have a lot more at stake -like kids. I completely think that audits are a good thing. Once a quarter, do those things you would do to find a cheater. However, don't advertise it. You will probably catch the person off guard because they aren't aware about what you are doing. I also just assume that cheating is one way for her to deal with stress. Cheaters will make things up to justify their actions. They will build a case inside their heads and blame you for being the terrible person. You will read a lot about sexless marriages, and it's mostly just the top excuse. She is just refusing to have it -trust me. She will always move the goalposts when it comes to expectations.

These are just things I found to be helpful. If anyone has anything to add that would be great.

[Anonymous]

What an exhausting way to live. Just MOVE on. You are not doing your little kids any favors. Find a partner you like and trust and work on a respectful coparenting relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What an exhausting way to live. Just MOVE on. You are not doing your little kids any favors. Find a partner you like and trust and work on a respectful coparenting relationship

It's not exhausting. Everyone ought to keep their eyes open. You may know someone for fifteen years and not know what they are capable of. It's best not to be naive.

[Anonymous]

Is your focus on having a better marriage or catching a cheater? You’re going about this the wrong way. Life is too short and I’d rather be with someone else if didn’t feel trust. Btw my exDW cheated on me.

[Anonymous]

For men with cheating wives, were you matched in terms of libido? Did your wife approach you about the quality of your intimate relations or frequency.

BTW: Most cheaters use apps like kik, whatsapp, or hangouts to keep in contact with their AP. They delete them when not in use. Check the archive on hangouts to see if there are past conversations or blocked numbers. The blocked numbers list is a dead giveaway. You can unblock it for messages to come through when you are actively cheating and then re-block.

They also have alternative Facebook pages that will tie them to dating apps. These Facebook pages can be tied to their other interest (gaming, or other hobbies) and then used for the dating apps when actively cheating. You can change the interface when in the dating app. Does your spouse hate Facebook but still has the app on their phone?

Also, for cheating men . . . I am a woman. Does your spouse keep a ready travel bag for work travel? What is in that ready bag, have you checked lately? I was amazed that a married ONS, who I later found out was married, had a tube of massage oil and lube that was not full with him. I think he bought the condoms when he arrived since they were too small.

[Anonymous]

God, you've thought way too much about it, hon. I'm with the other guy whose wife cheated (as did mine): trust who ya got or move on.

[Anonymous]

If you don't trust someone, leave. You can't build a relationship without trust, and you can't be happy in a marriage if you don't have trust. It's better to start over, and forget about the cheater. I don't care if kids are involved or not. That's no way to live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone have any pointers to help men that think that their wives are cheating? Years ago, my wife had an emotional affair and I made some mistakes because I was so hurt. I haven't really healed from it because, in part, I think that she's still lying about parts of it. I was too quick to show her evidence I found whenever I found something new. This allowed her to make additional ways to contact the guy. If I just had let the communications to continue longer without exposing her, I could have had a better picture about what she was saying about me. I wasn't patience enough and it just became a game.

We are still together, but we have a lot more at stake -like kids. I completely think that audits are a good thing. Once a quarter, do those things you would do to find a cheater. However, don't advertise it. You will probably catch the person off guard because they aren't aware about what you are doing. I also just assume that cheating is one way for her to deal with stress. Cheaters will make things up to justify their actions. They will build a case inside their heads and blame you for being the terrible person. You will read a lot about sexless marriages, and it's mostly just the top excuse. She is just refusing to have it -trust me. She will always move the goalposts when it comes to expectations.

These are just things I found to be helpful. If anyone has anything to add that would be great.

None of what you describe sounds like recovering from an affair.

I think that if you find yourself in a position where you need to do quarterly audits to check if your wife is cheating on you, not only are you not recovered, but you might as well just get a divorce. Either you trust her enough to continue being married to her, or you don't trust her and need to check up on her and shouldn't be married to her.

For what it's worth, if you do not trust her to not cheat on you, you should not be having unprotected sex with her. Clearly you have already done that, since you have little kids.

[Anonymous]

Sad thread to read. This is not a good way to live. Life is so short, don't waste it on someone who is not worth it please.

You are valuable and deserving of a better love.

[Anonymous]

Get a black light in your bedroom... tell her its so that you can "be retro"... you know 70s (maybe get a lava lamp too). Maybe get one of those black light posters so it looks cool and justifyable.

If you've watched enough CSI you already know... semen shows up bright with the blacklight. Look it up, its true.

[Anonymous]

Oh, man... you are not doing your children or yourself any favors by staying with your wife. Time to move on without her. You can't make her love or respect you or the marriage.

[Anonymous]

My ex-SIL did the weekly “audit” thing on my brother for eight years after he cheated. The anxiety and hyper-awareness meant she could never enjoy anything, and frankly, it wasn’t flattering to her: she looked really abusive, and we felt bad for him.

She finally realized that she was never going to get over his cheating, and kicked him out, but I think they both wish they had just split when the cheating occurred.

[Anonymous]

All of this and it wasn't even physical?
You should seek some therapy, on your own initially and probably with her too. But on your own first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For men with cheating wives, were you matched in terms of libido? Did your wife approach you about the quality of your intimate relations or frequency.

BTW: Most cheaters use apps like kik, whatsapp, or hangouts to keep in contact with their AP. They delete them when not in use. Check the archive on hangouts to see if there are past conversations or blocked numbers. The blocked numbers list is a dead giveaway. You can unblock it for messages to come through when you are actively cheating and then re-block.

They also have alternative Facebook pages that will tie them to dating apps. These Facebook pages can be tied to their other interest (gaming, or other hobbies) and then used for the dating apps when actively cheating. You can change the interface when in the dating app. Does your spouse hate Facebook but still has the app on their phone?

Also, for cheating men . . . I am a woman. Does your spouse keep a ready travel bag for work travel? What is in that ready bag, have you checked lately? I was amazed that a married ONS, who I later found out was married, had a tube of massage oil and lube that was not full with him. I think he bought the condoms when he arrived since they were too small.

This is useful.

This isn't a divorce or therapy conversation. This is about how to find out if your wife is cheating. Usually this topic is about men, but women do cheat and do it differently. Go ahead and believe that your wife will not have an affair. It's a lot more likely than you think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a black light in your bedroom... tell her its so that you can "be retro"... you know 70s (maybe get a lava lamp too). Maybe get one of those black light posters so it looks cool and justifyable.

If you've watched enough CSI you already know... semen shows up bright with the blacklight. Look it up, its true.

But then she'll see it when she's doing the deed. Instead, get a hand-held one and hide it.