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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Does anyone have any pointers to help men that think that their wives are cheating? Years ago, my wife had an emotional affair and I made some mistakes because I was so hurt. I haven't really healed from it because, in part, I think that she's still lying about parts of it. I was too quick to show her evidence I found whenever I found something new. This allowed her to make additional ways to contact the guy. If I just had let the communications to continue longer without exposing her, I could have had a better picture about what she was saying about me. I wasn't patience enough and it just became a game.

We are still together, but we have a lot more at stake -like kids. I completely think that audits are a good thing. Once a quarter, do those things you would do to find a cheater. However, don't advertise it. You will probably catch the person off guard because they aren't aware about what you are doing.  I also just assume that cheating is one way for her to deal with stress. Cheaters will make things up to justify their actions. They will build a case inside their heads and blame you for being the terrible person. You will read a lot about sexless marriages, and it's mostly just the top excuse. She is just refusing to have it -trust me. She will always move the goalposts when it comes to expectations.

These are just things I found to be helpful. If anyone has anything to add that would be great. [/quote]

None of what you describe sounds like recovering from an affair.

I think that if you find yourself in a position where you need to do quarterly audits to check if your wife is cheating on you, not only are you not recovered, but you might as well just get a divorce. Either you trust her enough to continue being married to her, or you don't trust her and need to check up on her and shouldn't be married to her.

For what it's worth, if you do not trust her to not cheat on you, you should not be having unprotected sex with her. Clearly you have already done that, since you have little kids. [/quote]

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