MIL not respecting our wishes
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Anonymous
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Ok, first I'll say I'm a grinch so no one else has to.
We have a two and four year old. My MIL lives out of state but has seen our severe space constraints in our 2 BR home. In the past she has inundated the kids with gifts that we don't have space for. Each year we tell her we would appreciate a single gift for each child as we have other grandparents and relatives who also want to buy for them. I also expressed I just don't want to give my kids dozens of gifts each holiday. Its not how I was raised and not how we choose to raise our children. I was very clear on my intentions. Each year we end up with a ton of toys including board games and toys with tiny parts and items the kids won't grow into for a handful of years that of course we would need to store. This year, she asked about gift ideas and we said very clearly that we have no more storage, and we would welcome the opportunity for her to come in town and take my children to a holiday event. She said ok, told us she bought tickets, and I thought hooray, she's finally heard me out. But then a week later we got a massive box in the mail that is a variation on a doll house when we already have a dollhouse and have no storage space for this huge toy, unless we get rid of our existing doll house that my kids still play with. My husband tried to talk to her and said it didn't go over well when he spoke to her, and she said "I don't care. I want them to have this". I can see it was very expensive based on looking it up online so giving it away feels like it would incite more conflict. What do you do when you aren't getting through? I feel like she is not respecting our wishes and our space just isn't big enough to have so many things. We do cull through frequently. |
Anonymous
| You have told her nicely your position on this. She has responded that she doesn't care what you want; it's what she wants that matters. Return the gifts to her or to the store and put the money in your kids' college accounts. If she doesn't like it, too bad. Maybe she'll listen to you next time. |
Anonymous
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RETURN IT. And have your DH do it. Let her get her money back.
It is the parents decision what items are in their house. |
Anonymous
| Return it and tell her you returned it. I love my mom, but she pulls similar tactics. The only thing that works is returning items. |
Anonymous
| Bring it to her house and tell her the kids can play with it when they visit. |
Anonymous
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BURN it.
And send her a video. She'll get it. |
Anonymous
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My mother is like this. It's about what they like to buy. It's about them, not your kids. She's being obtuse on purpose and when called out, gets defensive and says I want them to have this! My mother does the same. Asks what to buy our kids then shows up with more $hit that will land at the Salvation Army or better yet, be used for a toy drive in a year. And yes, we are out of space, too.
Honestly, you're now at a point where you're going to risk an uncomfortable fight that ruins the holiday for everyone or just deal with it, smile and take the excess toys to a charity. I'm sure a local woman's shelter can use a doll's house. |
Anonymous
Yep, this. Truth be told, she wants to buy it because SHE likes it. She's making this about her. Return it. |
Anonymous
+1 she's going to keep doing what she wants until you show her you mean it, OP. Return the gift and give her the money back. |
Anonymous
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BURN it.
And send her a video. She'll get it. |
Anonymous
| PP here. Also, if it might be worth an attempt, suggest something that won't last long, such as a gingerbread house. Build it, admire it, eat some, then into the trash. Or a hot cocoa pack set if your kids like that. They can enjoy it over the holiday break and then it's gone. Our kids like fruit-- would love a load of oranges for them. Eat it all and it's gone. |
Anonymous
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Let your DH deal with MIL, not you. If MIL sends a huge box that you don't have room for or don't want, return it and put the $$ in a college fund.
When I got too many toys and games for my kids I would keep them unopened and re-gift during the year for birthday parties. I agree that gift giving in this extreme is about the giver, and not the recipients. Some people love to shop and want excuses to shop and buy things and pick out things. It's like a hobby/addiction. |
Anonymous
| Slightly different situation since we usually spend Christmas at my ILs house, but a few years ago I just left large toys at the ILs after Christmas and said "We have no space for this, and they'll be able to to play with it when we're here to visit." That got through - or at least after that there have been many fewer bulky toys. |
Anonymous
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My mom does this. I just give it back to her when I see her and ask her to return it. I've done it now so many times that she's finally starting to get it. Once or twice, she refused to take it back, and I told her I was giving it to another child (a friend's) - and then did.
She now understands. Stand firm, and act on what you're requesting. BTW, its got to be your DH who stands firm, not you. |
Anonymous
| Donate it to Toys For Tots. |