MIL not respecting our wishes
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Anonymous
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Yup--return it. And stop telling her not to buy stuff--your husband should be doing that. And even he should only say it once. Stop making her feel persecuted for being a generous grandmother and start making her gifts pointless. You've asked her to respect your wishes and your space, and she basically said she's doing this for her.
I'm all for giving grandparents a little slack on the gift front, but buying a huge dollhouse when your kids already have one and you have nowhere to put it is just a big f*** you. |
Anonymous
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Agree with the PPs. Return it, if possible. Usually you can get a store credit. If not, then donate it. It's wasteful, but what else can you do?
My mother does the same thing, except instead of one, expensive gift like a dollhouse it's lots of little junky things from no-name stores (meaning I usually can't return them). Since I've asked her repeatedly not to do this and she is well aware of our space constraints, I accept them, return what I can, and donate what I can't. [One exception was last year when she gave my then-3yo a bunch of small things while I was occupied with her baby sister. One gift was a set of lip gloss. I flat-out declined that gift and my 3yo quickly forgot about it] |
Anonymous
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How much space does a dollhouse really take up.
She bought them 1 gift that they can share and enjoy and one they wil enjoy far more than a holiday show. Two dolhouses can be a great thing, Get rid of some of their other toys. |
Anonymous
| I wish I had your MIL. |
Anonymous
No! DH returns this, not OP. DH tells his mother anything that needs to be said. DH takes 100 percent responsibility with his mom for the return, too, and if MIL colplaons that it's OP being ungrateful etc., DH steps up and says HE is the one returning the giggly and he is the one with the biggest beef with her disrespect for your wishes and your crowded home. OP, your DH needs to be the one dealing with this and the one giving her a face to face talk telling her that stating "I want them to have it" does not magically create additional space in your house. The problem grandparent is the job of that grandparent's adult child, not the job of the SIL or DIL. DH should emphasize that you both gave MIL a great alternative -- making memories with the grandkids by taking them to a special event. She still prioritized a package for them to open. OP, does she also carp at you both about how you should get a bigger house? If she doesn't, I bet she will. Does she stay with you on visits? I'd ask DH to end that and pay for a hotel from now on so she gets the message that the house is small. |
Anonymous
| Good grief. Above should be "complains," and "gift," not giggly! |
Anonymous
| Send it back. |
Anonymous
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Your DH should tell her that you made yourselves clear that you didn't want more gifts, and that you'll be returning it next weekend. She's welcome to pick it up in the meantime and take it to her house to keep for when the kids play there, or return it for herself. She should just let you know before Friday. Done. And yes, she'll be annoyed, but who cares. I totally get not wanting tons of gifts, we're the same. It's not how we're raising our kids.
Btw In case you hadn't looked at it this way, her sending a large expensive gift that's just a duplicate of what they already have when you said you don't want a lot of excess and don't have any spare space sounds a bit like an FU, honestly. |
Anonymous
| It's her money. It's their gift. Return it and use the money or store credit on something else smaller they would enjoy. Or keep it and sell (or donate) whichever dollhouse the kids play with less. |
Anonymous
| My kids are 10 and 12 years old. I would actually suggest that you keep the gift, talk with her, and make a partnership with her next year and choose and gifts. I faced a similar battle, and it was not a hill to die on. You have a grandparent who is, as many are, excessive and giftgiving. This is not going to hurt your children, altercations, which children well realize over time, well. Maybe this could be an opportunity to explain to your children respect for their grandparents and for elders. And I well recognize that this was a passive aggressive act by her, but, so be it. I would just not escalate. |
Anonymous
| Return it and use the money for something else down the line, or donate it. When She asks about it, have DH tell her that it was too big. My ILs sent my son a full size keyboard, with bench and music stand, when he was 8 months old. We were living in a tiny 1 bedroom apartment, his crib was set up in the dining alcove. We would have had to give up our couch or tiny table to fit it into the apartment, but FIL still blew his lid when DH told him we took it back. He though DS would love it because he likes to bang on things. None of us know how to play! It was insane, and he is still complaining about it years later! But now they ask ahead of time about large gifts. |
Anonymous
This is exactly what I would do. |
Anonymous
+1 I hear you, OP, this is coming across as disrespect to you; however, I think you can shake it off and take it in good spirits. Because your choice is to start a war or move on. With non-harming stuff like this I will always move on especially because taking the items can be used to such great benefit for others. There are so many people/organizations that will take new, unused toys. Even if the Toys for Tots donation period has passed when you get something they will still accept (or at least they did for me 2 years ago) or go to Salvation Army. I've also found that organizations supporting Foster Children (like Catholic Charities or local city/count foster children branches) will take presents because they can use them year-round for foster child birthdays and what not. It is hard to argue against that. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
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"Mom, what part of "we have no space" didn't you get? We have to donate the toys you send." That's all your husband needs to say. |