How to handle officious unpleasant emails from coworker

[Anonymous]

A colleague was recently promoted to a finance role which has some oversight over peers on paperwork matters. She seems to be struggling, but what's really problematic is the tone of her emails. Recently she misunderstood an issue and thought I had made a mistake (I hadn't) so sent an email to me which concluded with "Please take time to make sure you double check your paper work so that this doesn't happen again." (this message was copied to several others). It comes across as lecturing. She is not my boss, nor is she my senior and what's more she was wrong. When she realized this, there was no apology or acknowledgement of her mistake, let alone her dressing down of me. This doesn't fit with the culture of my workplace.

This is basically the pattern of every interaction we have. And it's not unique to me. She never admits any mistakes and is very quick to blame others for her mistakes. The fact that she was promoted was surprising. Do I continue to ignore it, or address it? And if so, how?

[Anonymous]

Is she socially awkward? Ii might fit in with the fact that she might be good at numbers or organization, but not good with people.

Honestly, the line is annoying if you feel personally targeted, but not really a big deal to anyone else. It will be hard to address for that very reason, because if you show it to higher-ups they might not necessarily see what's wrong with it.

However, document the times she's wrong. This might have more of an impact.

[Anonymous]

It's not just a single line, there are usually a couple of paragraphs ending with her telling me I should have "been more careful"!. I don't want to paste the entire thing, but it's a full dressing down and it happens every time we interact, usually so that she doesn't have to admit to making a mistake or changing the rules for some procedure and not telling anyone.

She's not particularly socially awkward. more like insecure but also ambitious? she also doesn't have a good head for numbers in my experience, hence the regular mistakes and surprise at the promotion.

[Anonymous]

Ignoring it is always an option. People will see her for what she is, without your doing anything.

Or, you can gather several examples -- they have to be good examples -- of her being both wrong and rude, and set up a meeting with her. At the meeting, calmly discuss why this is upsetting, and ask that she contact you privately if she believes you have made a mistake, so that you two can sort out any misunderstanding.

If you're petty (or really mad) you can take it to your boss as a mentoring question. "Boss, I am not sure how to handle these interactions with Suzie. She has a pattern of publicly saying I'm wrong, when I'm not; I am not sure whether to let it go or whether letting it go could damage my reputation for excellent work. What do you recommend?"

[Anonymous]

Hmm, in this case it's different. I suppose you could talk with your colleagues, ask for a meeting with your supervisor, and show him or her all the emails you have received from this person?

[Anonymous]

Since she’s not your supervisor, just talk to her.

“Suzy, what’s up with dressing me down in these emails? I find your tone harsh and disrespectful. We all want to do our best work here, and your constant comments telling me to “be more careful” are not okay. In many of these instances, you’re the one making the mistake. Are you okay?”

[Anonymous]

Your work colleague sounds super annoying. I wouldn’t tolerate it because she isn’t a boss. In fact perhaps you could gather the emails- and bring it to your boss’s attention so that they could take care of it? Or you could simply tell her to stop in a professional way of course.

[Anonymous]

Interesting....although I am unsure of why a supervisor should be some sort of mediator between the two of you. Her emails aren't vulgar or constitute harassment. Perhaps two can play the same game- email her and everyone else back with a response that details why she was wrong about you being wrong and that might embarrass her enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting....although I am unsure of why a supervisor should be some sort of mediator between the two of you. Her emails aren't vulgar or constitute harassment. Perhaps two can play the same game- email her and everyone else back with a response that details why she was wrong about you being wrong and that might embarrass her enough.

NO. OP has to occupy the moral high ground if ever emails are shown to the boss.

[Anonymous]

I had to deal with someone like this at my job. I work in the news and this person liked to suggest edits to my work while CCing others in a very condescending tone. These people are usually showing off and trying to demonstrate their value because they know deep down they aren’t strong workers. So they have to point out flaws in others.

The reply all button can be your friend here. Since she chose to involve others, she’s going to get corrected in front of others, too. Call her out on her mistake in a civil but matter-of-fact tone. She will stop the dressing down behavior as soon as she feels exposed and realizes you’re not going to play her scapegoat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting....although I am unsure of why a supervisor should be some sort of mediator between the two of you. Her emails aren't vulgar or constitute harassment. Perhaps two can play the same game- email her and everyone else back with a response that details why she was wrong about you being wrong and that might embarrass her enough.

NO. OP has to occupy the moral high ground if ever emails are shown to the boss.

I disagree. If OP is in the right and she gives a straightforward and well documented answer to the email, without snark, she should do that. And she should cc everyone on it as well her boss. Write the letter as if you are explaining it to her. Otherwise, you will not correct the impression that you are inefficient and complacent. Furthermore, you keep on taking shit, you become a dumping ground. Make sure that you show that you know your stuff and that you will politely answer back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since she’s not your supervisor, just talk to her.

“Suzy, what’s up with dressing me down in these emails? I find your tone harsh and disrespectful. We all want to do our best work here, and your constant comments telling me to “be more careful” are not okay. In many of these instances, you’re the one making the mistake. Are you okay?”

OP here. This is the approach I would prefer to take, but I am certain she will be defensive and angry however I raise it. And like another PP said, I need to take the moral high ground and definitely want to start a conversation that makes things worse. I wouldn't put it beyond her to turn a conversation like that into a complaint to HR, however unfounded that would be. Given the concern about how she would react so far I've just ignored it. We don't have to interact too often, but every time we do it goes the same way. I do feel like she has a beef with me in particular but others have also had an issue with her tone and basically unnecessarily throwing her weight around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not just a single line, there are usually a couple of paragraphs ending with her telling me I should have "been more careful"!. I don't want to paste the entire thing, but it's a full dressing down and it happens every time we interact, usually so that she doesn't have to admit to making a mistake or changing the rules for some procedure and not telling anyone.

She's not particularly socially awkward. more like insecure but also ambitious? she also doesn't have a good head for numbers in my experience, hence the regular mistakes and surprise at the promotion.

Take each instance by itself. If she has accused you of a mistake, when you find the error and correct it, group reply to the same list, detail the mistake that was made (hers), then end with "I am a particularly careful employee and as is obvious here, I do double check my work. I think the same effort I contribute should be made by others before accusations of mistakes are made."

That clearly gets across the group replied that she made the error and that she was not careful enough before she made the accusation. You don't have to explicitly come out and accuse her of a mistake. It will be obvious and when it comes time to review situations, those who have been cc'ed will be aware that she makes more mistakes than you do. Do not try to detail each and every instance in a summary. That will make it an attack from you on her. Responding to each instance where she falsely accused you of a mistake and noting that you were careful and did not make the mistake but pointing out that she made the mistake makes your actions defensive, e.g. protecting your own reputation. That it erodes her reputation is an unfortunate side effect, but a problem of her own making, not one of your creation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting....although I am unsure of why a supervisor should be some sort of mediator between the two of you. Her emails aren't vulgar or constitute harassment. Perhaps two can play the same game- email her and everyone else back with a response that details why she was wrong about you being wrong and that might embarrass her enough.

NO. OP has to occupy the moral high ground if ever emails are shown to the boss.

I disagree. If OP is in the right and she gives a straightforward and well documented answer to the email, without snark, she should do that. And she should cc everyone on it as well her boss. Write the letter as if you are explaining it to her. Otherwise, you will not correct the impression that you are inefficient and complacent. Furthermore, you keep on taking shit, you become a dumping ground. Make sure that you show that you know your stuff and that you will politely answer back.

No, detailed email arguments do not make you look good. They just annoy the other recipients including your boss. If you must reply-all, say "Suzie, I believe you misunderstood my report. Please call me so I can explain it to you."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting....although I am unsure of why a supervisor should be some sort of mediator between the two of you. Her emails aren't vulgar or constitute harassment. Perhaps two can play the same game- email her and everyone else back with a response that details why she was wrong about you being wrong and that might embarrass her enough.

NO. OP has to occupy the moral high ground if ever emails are shown to the boss.

I disagree. If OP is in the right and she gives a straightforward and well documented answer to the email, without snark, she should do that. And she should cc everyone on it as well her boss. Write the letter as if you are explaining it to her. Otherwise, you will not correct the impression that you are inefficient and complacent. Furthermore, you keep on taking shit, you become a dumping ground. Make sure that you show that you know your stuff and that you will politely answer back.

To be honest I have an excellent reputation at work and she's not going to damage it, because these issues are unrelated to my core job. (Though what might damage it would be having a personal conflict with her or not being able to handle this). The mistakes that she blames me (or others) for are petty bureaucratic things related to how bills get paid and contracts processed (which is her core job). This most recent time one of the people CC'd copied the CFO (who is way up the chain) and the only reason I could come up with was because they thought she was out of line.