How to handle officious unpleasant emails from coworker

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not just a single line, there are usually a couple of paragraphs ending with her telling me I should have "been more careful"!. I don't want to paste the entire thing, but it's a full dressing down and it happens every time we interact, usually so that she doesn't have to admit to making a mistake or changing the rules for some procedure and not telling anyone.

She's not particularly socially awkward. more like insecure but also ambitious? she also doesn't have a good head for numbers in my experience, hence the regular mistakes and surprise at the promotion.

Take each instance by itself. If she has accused you of a mistake, when you find the error and correct it, group reply to the same list, detail the mistake that was made (hers), then end with "I am a particularly careful employee and as is obvious here, I do double check my work. I think the same effort I contribute should be made by others before accusations of mistakes are made."

That clearly gets across the group replied that she made the error and that she was not careful enough before she made the accusation. You don't have to explicitly come out and accuse her of a mistake. It will be obvious and when it comes time to review situations, those who have been cc'ed will be aware that she makes more mistakes than you do. Do not try to detail each and every instance in a summary. That will make it an attack from you on her. Responding to each instance where she falsely accused you of a mistake and noting that you were careful and did not make the mistake but pointing out that she made the mistake makes your actions defensive, e.g. protecting your own reputation. That it erodes her reputation is an unfortunate side effect, but a problem of her own making, not one of your creation.

That sounds snide and wouldn't go across well. In this most recent case, there was no mistake, she was just wrong and couldn't follow the (very straightforward) email chain, thought a mistake had been made and then lectured me about it (and about being more careful next time).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had to deal with someone like this at my job. I work in the news and this person liked to suggest edits to my work while CCing others in a very condescending tone. These people are usually showing off and trying to demonstrate their value because they know deep down they aren’t strong workers. So they have to point out flaws in others.

The reply all button can be your friend here. Since she chose to involve others, she’s going to get corrected in front of others, too. Call her out on her mistake in a civil but matter-of-fact tone. She will stop the dressing down behavior as soon as she feels exposed and realizes you’re not going to play her scapegoat.

This. Have had to this with a couple people at my job, and the result has usually been either the person getting embarrassed and "publicly" apologizing via a reply-all email, and/or being talked to by upper management, or the person not every trying that shit with me again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had to deal with someone like this at my job. I work in the news and this person liked to suggest edits to my work while CCing others in a very condescending tone. These people are usually showing off and trying to demonstrate their value because they know deep down they aren’t strong workers. So they have to point out flaws in others.

The reply all button can be your friend here. Since she chose to involve others, she’s going to get corrected in front of others, too. Call her out on her mistake in a civil but matter-of-fact tone. She will stop the dressing down behavior as soon as she feels exposed and realizes you’re not going to play her scapegoat.

This. Have had to this with a couple people at my job, and the result has usually been either the person getting embarrassed and "publicly" apologizing via a reply-all email, and/or being talked to by upper management, or the person not every trying that shit with me again.

+1


I would start by being firm but not too harsh. You can ramp it up a little bit if the BS continues, but just don't take it too far because management will obviously be less receptive to siding with you if you get too nasty lol

[Anonymous]

OP, do you notice if she's condescending to both women and men or just women? She sounds like a really difficult person to work with, but it is worse if she was one of those female co-workers who need to drag down their female peers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting....although I am unsure of why a supervisor should be some sort of mediator between the two of you. Her emails aren't vulgar or constitute harassment. Perhaps two can play the same game- email her and everyone else back with a response that details why she was wrong about you being wrong and that might embarrass her enough.

NO. OP has to occupy the moral high ground if ever emails are shown to the boss.

I disagree. If OP is in the right and she gives a straightforward and well documented answer to the email, without snark, she should do that. And she should cc everyone on it as well her boss. Write the letter as if you are explaining it to her. Otherwise, you will not correct the impression that you are inefficient and complacent. Furthermore, you keep on taking shit, you become a dumping ground. Make sure that you show that you know your stuff and that you will politely answer back.

To be honest I have an excellent reputation at work and she's not going to damage it, because these issues are unrelated to my core job. (Though what might damage it would be having a personal conflict with her or not being able to handle this). The mistakes that she blames me (or others) for are petty bureaucratic things related to how bills get paid and contracts processed (which is her core job). This most recent time one of the people CC'd copied the CFO (who is way up the chain) and the only reason I could come up with was because they thought she was out of line.

If that is the case, then just reply to her messages and explain that no error was made and that the situation is being handled. Treat it as business as usual, responding neutrally. She is apparently digging her own grave and will be gone before you have a real problem (either by her own choice or someone else being fed up with her attitude or mistakes).