Can I insist- my house, my rules?

[Anonymous]

I’m saying up front I’m not a fan of my 13 yo nephew.

My BIL is here helping me work on my house. He brought my nephew, which I’m fine with.

I have one guest room with a queen sized bed. And a loveseat that pulls out to a twin. My nephew is sleeping in the guest room leaving his 6’4” father in my living room on the twin. They slept this way at my sisters house a couple of weeks ago even though she tried to have BIL take the guest room. This is just one example of how that family bends over backwards for their son (they also have a daughter who always plays second fiddle for everything).

I find this SO disrespectful. Completely unacceptable behavior towards a parent.

Can I insist that my guest room is for adults only? And, if so, when should I make it clear this won’t be happening again? In the morning? Next time they come?

And, just to get ahead of anyone saying ‘just be happy he’s helping you.” I’m paying my BIL $1,200 for about 7 hours of work in my basement because he’s out of a job. My handyman quoted me $700.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m saying up front I’m not a fan of my 13 yo nephew.

My BIL is here helping me work on my house. He brought my nephew, which I’m fine with.

I have one guest room with a queen sized bed. And a loveseat that pulls out to a twin. My nephew is sleeping in the guest room leaving his 6’4” father in my living room on the twin. They slept this way at my sisters house a couple of weeks ago even though she tried to have BIL take the guest room. This is just one example of how that family bends over backwards for their son (they also have a daughter who always plays second fiddle for everything).

I find this SO disrespectful. Completely unacceptable behavior towards a parent.

Can I insist that my guest room is for adults only? And, if so, when should I make it clear this won’t be happening again? In the morning? Next time they come?

And, just to get ahead of anyone saying ‘just be happy he’s helping you.” I’m paying my BIL $1,200 for about 7 hours of work in my basement because he’s out of a job. My handyman quoted me $700.

Why on earth is this your business? If he was displacing you or one of your immediate family, it would be your business.

[Anonymous]

That would be very unkind of you, OP. If your BIL is out of a job, don't pile on by creating a situation where both he and his son will feel uncomfortable.

I have a BIL I dearly love whose adult son (not even 13) is very spoiled, and when they came to visit, I said not a word about their sleeping arrangements, who paid for what between them, who chose the museums to visit, restaurants, etc.

In my case, this nephew has mental health issues, dropped our of college and has slowly been turning it around with the financial assistance of his father. Everyone knows not to rock the boat.

Usually when parents behave in non-traditional ways towards their child, it's because of similar issues, that you why not even be aware of (because BIL may not even have a diagnosis to tell you!).

So let well enough alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m saying up front I’m not a fan of my 13 yo nephew.

My BIL is here helping me work on my house. He brought my nephew, which I’m fine with.

I have one guest room with a queen sized bed. And a loveseat that pulls out to a twin. My nephew is sleeping in the guest room leaving his 6’4” father in my living room on the twin. They slept this way at my sisters house a couple of weeks ago even though she tried to have BIL take the guest room. This is just one example of how that family bends over backwards for their son (they also have a daughter who always plays second fiddle for everything).

I find this SO disrespectful. Completely unacceptable behavior towards a parent.

Can I insist that my guest room is for adults only? And, if so, when should I make it clear this won’t be happening again? In the morning? Next time they come?

And, just to get ahead of anyone saying ‘just be happy he’s helping you.” I’m paying my BIL $1,200 for about 7 hours of work in my basement because he’s out of a job. My handyman quoted me $700.

Why on earth is this your business? If he was displacing you or one of your immediate family, it would be your business.

Because it’s my house and I find it to be completely disrespectful. Never t sure how you missed that in my post.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I don't think this is your fight. I know there is context here, and you don't like how they favor their son. But as an isolated situation, it's not really a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Sorry for typos above!

[Anonymous]

The point is that you are placing your psychological comfort above your guests', and that is not usually what is understood by "my house, my rules". You don't sound very mature or understanding, OP.

[Anonymous]

I would give my kid the guest room too - he is a very light sleeper and I can sleep anywhere. I don't think your house, your rules applies here - yes it bothers you, but it's not something really impacting your life.

[Anonymous]

You could, but it would make you a horribly rude host.

[Anonymous]

Op,

You interpret who sleeps where as a sign of disrespect. Your BIL does not. Please let him parent. Respect him.

[Anonymous]

Maybe the teenager has more privacy needs (puberty hits in weird ways). I think this is up to the dad I think it’s not something you should worry about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
The point is that you are placing your psychological comfort above your guests', and that is not usually what is understood by "my house, my rules". You don't sound very mature or understanding, OP.

Perhaps I’m not. And based on responses I will accept I’m wrong. But I will rectify and just not open my house to the possibility again. I’ve got three other siblings in the area who can be more welcoming. Everyone has their quirks and this is apparently one of mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The point is that you are placing your psychological comfort above your guests', and that is not usually what is understood by "my house, my rules". You don't sound very mature or understanding, OP.

Perhaps I’m not. And based on responses I will accept I’m wrong. But I will rectify and just not open my house to the possibility again. I’ve got three other siblings in the area who can be more welcoming. Everyone has their quirks and this is apparently one of mine.

it would be so nice if you could have a quirk that didn't involve wanting to be nasty to other people for no reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The point is that you are placing your psychological comfort above your guests', and that is not usually what is understood by "my house, my rules". You don't sound very mature or understanding, OP.

Perhaps I’m not. And based on responses I will accept I’m wrong. But I will rectify and just not open my house to the possibility again. I’ve got three other siblings in the area who can be more welcoming. Everyone has their quirks and this is apparently one of mine.

it would be so nice if you could have a quirk that didn't involve wanting to be nasty to other people for no reason.

I could say the same of you.

See how that worked?

[Anonymous]

This is really the hill you want to die on with your brother? Seems like a good way to alienate your family.