Can I insist- my house, my rules?

[Anonymous]

Unless the child is berating the parent and your brother is a doormat (does not sound like this is the case) let it be.

This sounds like a sensitive father who is trying to make sure his child gets sleep, has privacy, and isn't woken up in the morning when everyone else is milling around since adults wake before teens.

You are kind of coming off sounding mean to the poor kid for no good (or stated) reason here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the nephew is uncomfortable sleeping in a public place in the home of an aunt who hates him.

This was my thought - or he has anxiety and needs space

[Anonymous]

OP: I think the reason some of us said you sounded mean is because you clearly said you don't like him, gave no reason except that he is "spoiled" (if true, is that his fault?), and proceeded to paint a picture in our heads of yourself as Harry Potter's Aunt. So, while we tried to give helpful or empathetic suggestions, we were also trying to help you by saying you were coming off as mean. Because you were.

[Anonymous]

Op, you have mucked-up an ordinary situation. There are too many outliner-behaviors here ... hiring relatives (and framing it as altruistic due to the hourly rate). This is not a social visit. You are not playing hostess. You don't even seem to be able to have a back-and-forth conversation regarding expectations.

[Anonymous]

How is a handy man / skilled trades (?) guy out of work in this area?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op - to the posters who kindly suggested I view this for a different perspective, thank you. I appreciate it and I took it to heart. Yes, my kids are younger so I haven’t had to deal with any puberty issues, so I will give him/the benefit of the doubt. I didn’t say anything and I never will.

To the other who were unnecessarily rude. Perhaps you too can learn to be more open minded and structure your responses in a way that will help someone grow and see the world differently. Your posts did nothing but make me dig my heels in more.

It was those who took the time to help me see another perspective to the issue (puberty, my bil’s stress, etc) rather than simply saying I was mean, controlling or anxious, that actually made one small positive impact in the world. And to those people, thank you.

Cool. Op, just so you know, you can link your thread in website feedback and ask for your post to be deleted.

People tend to focus on negatives and pile on which really no one needs.

[Anonymous]

At 13, trust me, give him the guestroom. He is probably jacking off all the time and needs the privacy and his dad knows that. Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op - to the posters who kindly suggested I view this for a different perspective, thank you. I appreciate it and I took it to heart. Yes, my kids are younger so I haven’t had to deal with any puberty issues, so I will give him/the benefit of the doubt. I didn’t say anything and I never will.

To the other who were unnecessarily rude. Perhaps you too can learn to be more open minded and structure your responses in a way that will help someone grow and see the world differently. Your posts did nothing but make me dig my heels in more.

It was those who took the time to help me see another perspective to the issue (puberty, my bil’s stress, etc) rather than simply saying I was mean, controlling or anxious, that actually made one small positive impact in the world. And to those people, thank you.

I get what you're saying, but no one "made" you dig your heels in. You chose to do that.

[Anonymous]

Is the sleeping arrangement the only complaint? If so, doesn't seem like a big deal. Maybe nephew is a light sleeper, or is embarrassed about snoring or something.

[Anonymous]

Why would you do this? For all you know the adult hates the mattress in your guest room and this is the solution without hurting your feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - to the posters who kindly suggested I view this for a different perspective, thank you. I appreciate it and I took it to heart. Yes, my kids are younger so I haven’t had to deal with any puberty issues, so I will give him/the benefit of the doubt. I didn’t say anything and I never will.

To the other who were unnecessarily rude. Perhaps you too can learn to be more open minded and structure your responses in a way that will help someone grow and see the world differently. Your posts did nothing but make me dig my heels in more.

It was those who took the time to help me see another perspective to the issue (puberty, my bil’s stress, etc) rather than simply saying I was mean, controlling or anxious, that actually made one small positive impact in the world. And to those people, thank you.

Cool. Op, just so you know, you can link your thread in website feedback and ask for your post to be deleted.

People tend to focus on negatives and pile on which really no one needs.

OP - you sound like a pill. Get help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The point is that you are placing your psychological comfort above your guests', and that is not usually what is understood by "my house, my rules". You don't sound very mature or understanding, OP.

Perhaps I’m not. And based on responses I will accept I’m wrong. But I will rectify and just not open my house to the possibility again. I’ve got three other siblings in the area who can be more welcoming. Everyone has their quirks and this is apparently one of mine.

Don’t worry, I’m fairly confident they won’t want to come back.

[Anonymous]

Why aren't the father and son sharing a room?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m saying up front I’m not a fan of my 13 yo nephew.

My BIL is here helping me work on my house. He brought my nephew, which I’m fine with.

I have one guest room with a queen sized bed. And a loveseat that pulls out to a twin. My nephew is sleeping in the guest room leaving his 6’4” father in my living room on the twin. They slept this way at my sisters house a couple of weeks ago even though she tried to have BIL take the guest room. This is just one example of how that family bends over backwards for their son (they also have a daughter who always plays second fiddle for everything).

I find this SO disrespectful. Completely unacceptable behavior towards a parent.

Can I insist that my guest room is for adults only? And, if so, when should I make it clear this won’t be happening again? In the morning? Next time they come?

And, just to get ahead of anyone saying ‘just be happy he’s helping you.” I’m paying my BIL $1,200 for about 7 hours of work in my basement because he’s out of a job. My handyman quoted me $700.

You can forbid smoking or something. But this just sounds spiteful and controlling, and no, you cannot do this and you really should consult a mental health professional to diagnose your character deficiency that causes you to even think this way. This is not normal, OP.

[Anonymous]

No you cannot. These are the sleeping options, they let choose how to divide. Also why are you enabling them? Pay the going rate. Come on.