Holidays with “perfect Mom” SIL
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Anonymous
| We are spending both Thanksgiving and Christmas with my husbands family which means I get a solid month of me feeling inferior to my SIL. DH twin sister is a surgeon and married to what my family considers the “perfect Mom”. We both had our oldest within the same months, both boys now 3-years-old. I also have a 10 month old and she and my brothers sister have 18-month-old twins. We both stay at home. She loves it and flourishes, I struggle and miss work. She was a former nanny so it comes easier to her and her income wouldn’t be worth it for her to keep working. I was laid off before my oldest turned 1 and decided to stay home. I have a MBA and was making 6 figures, we totally had to change our lifestyle. My children act up, hers are always perfect. My MIL will be sure to comment on how I handle situations wrong. I am jealous, and do not look forward to being compared when I should be enjoying the holidays. I know most of the issues stem from my own issues, I’ll admkt it. It’s like we’ve done a 180. 5 years ago DH and I were doing great financially and traveling all over the world. We had a nice apartment and wonderful careers. DHs sister and my SIL were living in a tiny one bedroom barely squeaking by on a nanny salary while DHs sister finished her residency. Now she’s living she wanted, and I am trying to but just can’t make it look as well. Im pretty sure MIL favors their children as well. Which I find ironic considering she was upset they were even going to have children anyways. |
Anonymous
| Are you drunk? |
Anonymous
|
First, you don't know what life will bring for both of your families, so stop counting who is ahead and who is not. Second, if you can't suck it up and parent better or get your children to behave better (whichever it is!), then DON'T VISIT so much! Seriously, OP. Why two holidays???? |
Anonymous
You probably lost your job because you're illiterate and incapable of basic English. I'm sure she's better than you at that too. |
Anonymous
| Let it go, OP. For the last four decades, the gay couples have been getting the stink-eye from society so consider it payback. |
Anonymous
| Here's the thing. Your post is really hard to read, but I get the gist. Just do your thing. You are responsible for only you. You decide how you are going to feel. Just do what you want. |
Anonymous
| Oh honey. You have two options... drink your way through this, or figure out what makes you happy. It's not your SIL. You sound like a Type A person who needs a healthy outlet for those feelings. Maybe you should consider going back to work? One of the main reasons I work is so I won't channel that intensity into my kids. |
Anonymous
| OP my advice is to focus on the relationships. The jealousy is getting in the way of that now. |
Anonymous
| Damn, what is up with the low self-esteem, OP? Get some therapy. Why are you wasting your time comparing yourself to family members? You’re honestly comparing your lives to theirs? |
Anonymous
| I think you would feel much better about yourself if you were back in the workforce. Is that an option for you right now? |
Anonymous
| Go back to work. And only spend one holiday with them. I suggest Thanksgiving. Good luck. |
Anonymous
| It’s OK OP, Everyone has had situations where they feel like this. Take a magnesium each morning and evening (it calms the nerves believe it or not) and after the holidays, plan on getting a nanny and a job. You’ll love it ! |
Anonymous
|
I think this is about a whole lot of things that have nothing to do with SIL.
1) You are struggling as a SAHM. As a nanny myself, I can tell you that dealing with young kids daily is a skillset and is very different from the skillset used by working parents evenings and weekends (especially if you previously had a nanny). You can’t get away with “picking your battles” as much when you are there all day, because it just increases the number of battles overall. You struggle to create routine from thin air instead of having a routine forced on you all by your work schedule. You get not mental space and have to find different ways to recharge and some people just aren’t built for the isolation and unrelenting nature of it. You are probably a great mom, just one who hasn’t mastered a lot of the skillset that makes life easier as a SAHM. 2) You are unhappy with your lack of income. You were pulling in enough money to travel and enjoy a more relaxed and pleasant lifestyle with fewer worries. Of course that change is stressful. 3) You miss work. Sounds like your career was a huge port of your life and your identity. Of course you miss that challenge, that social environment, and especially functioning in an environment where you felt confident and competent and masterful, which you haven’t found yet as a SAHM. 4) Your MIL is judgemental and disapproving. That is a whole other issue. Can you work on any of these individually? Can you go back to work full time? If not, could you adjust the budget to alleviate some of the financial pressures? Could you find part time or volunteer work that gives you some time each week in your element, even if it isn’t lucrative? Could you find other sources of money? Could you take parenting classes that might help you feel more confident/comfortable in your role as a SAHM or join a new-mom support group? Can you talk to DH about being more proactive in dealing with MIL? Even if you can’t totally fix any of this, acknowledging the real issues and making any kind of progress will go a lot further in solving your stress than avoiding SIL. |
Anonymous
| OP people who always compare never win. |
Anonymous
|
Your brother's wife is DH's twin sister? Huh? Or is this two SILs?
In any case, time to own who you are. |