Reply to Holidays with “perfect Mom” SIL

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[quote=Anonymous]I think this is about a whole lot of things that have nothing to do with SIL.

1) You are struggling as a SAHM.  As a nanny myself, I can tell you that dealing with young kids daily is a skillset and is very different from the skillset used by working parents evenings and weekends (especially if you previously had a nanny).  You can’t get away with “picking your battles” as much when you are there all day, because it just increases the number of battles overall.  You struggle to create routine from thin air instead of having a routine forced on you all by your work schedule.  You get not mental space and have to find different ways to recharge and some people just aren’t built for the isolation and unrelenting nature of it.  You are probably a great mom, just one who hasn’t mastered a lot of the skillset that makes life easier as a SAHM.

2) You are unhappy with your lack of income.  You were pulling in enough money to travel and enjoy a more relaxed and pleasant lifestyle with fewer worries.  Of course that change is stressful.

3) You miss work.  Sounds like your career was a huge port of your life and your identity.  Of course you miss that challenge, that social environment, and especially functioning in an environment where you felt confident and competent and masterful, which you haven’t found yet as a SAHM.

4) Your MIL is judgemental and disapproving.  That is a whole other issue.

Can you work on any of these individually?  Can you go back to work full time?  If not, could you adjust the budget to alleviate some of the financial pressures?  Could you find part time or volunteer work that gives you some time each week in your element, even if it isn’t lucrative?  Could you find other sources of money?  Could you take parenting classes that might help you feel more confident/comfortable in your role as a SAHM or join a new-mom support group?  Can you talk to DH about being more proactive in dealing with MIL?

Even if you can’t totally fix any of this, acknowledging the real issues and making any kind of progress will go a lot further in solving your stress than avoiding SIL.[/quote]

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