What is divorce like?

[Anonymous]

What would a divorce be like - would I really be happier? Would it ruin our kids? Will we be broke? Will everything be lonely? Will I just find a new partner and continue having the same stupid arguments, just with a different person?

I like to believe our marriage is worth saving, because we do love eachother and are attracted to one another. We just forgot, or never learned, how to be teammates and not adversaries.

[Anonymous]

How old are your children?

[Anonymous]

If you are somebody that always had to be dating somebody you will be unhappy. If you like to have stretches of being single between relationship you will be happy.

Yes, it sucks for the kids, unless you fight a lot then it is better.

You will be broke unless you are wealthy.

Everything won't be lonely, some days will be.

If you don't go to counseling to find out the reason things went south, yes you will have the same issues with the next person.

The last line makes me thing you should try counseling (individual first).

[Anonymous]

I didn’t have kids, but yes, I was broke, but that was OK. I could pay my bills. I wasn’t lonely but I’ve never been the type that needs a boyfriend. None of my subsequent relationships have had any of the same issues.

[Anonymous]

Money is definitely tighter.

You still might fight if you don't coparent well. Or if there are hurt feelings.

You will have to do a 100% of everything and so will he, just on different days.

In my case, I do it a 100% of the time because my ex refuses to see our son.

The grass is not greener over here. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Both side are happy, both sides have new no argument relationships, kids only miss the actual house which was sold during divorce. It helps that there were no arguments during the divorce (I would stopped any conversation the moment it was turning into an argument and leave).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Money is definitely tighter.

You still might fight if you don't coparent well. Or if there are hurt feelings.

You will have to do a 100% of everything and so will he, just on different days.

In my case, I do it a 100% of the time because my ex refuses to see our son.

The grass is not greener over here. Sorry.

Would you rather have stayed with your ex?

[Anonymous]

Would I really be happier? - I was. It was a huge weight I didn't realize I was carrying. I'd say the first 3-4 months were super stressful.
Would it ruin our kids? - Not mine. It turns out they were relieved, and were happy we both seemed happier.
Will we be broke? - We were not. I had a job as did my Ex and he mostly paid for the kid-related stuff aside from their food.
Will everything be lonely? - I was not.
Will I just find a new partner and continue having the same stupid arguments, just with a different person? - I found a new person. We clicked much better. We fight well, argue, not fight, and argue productively. It's completely different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Money is definitely tighter.

You still might fight if you don't coparent well. Or if there are hurt feelings.

You will have to do a 100% of everything and so will he, just on different days.

In my case, I do it a 100% of the time because my ex refuses to see our son.

The grass is not greener over here. Sorry.

Would you rather have stayed with your ex?

At the time, I would have yes. He left me. This was 7 years ago and I have moved on and know that we both did things wrong, but I will never forgive him for abandoning us (especially our child).

[Anonymous]

It totally depends on your current situation.

Why are you looking to leave? What are your finances like? What is your earning potential? How independent are you?

I was being abused, so I am happier, and better off financially on my own. My kids are fine.

I took a break from relationships and just started dating again. I doubt we will have the same fights because I am a different person than I was before I got married.

I echo PP and recommend individual counseling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would I really be happier? - I was. It was a huge weight I didn't realize I was carrying. I'd say the first 3-4 months were super stressful.
Would it ruin our kids? - Not mine. It turns out they were relieved, and were happy we both seemed happier.
Will we be broke? - We were not. I had a job as did my Ex and he mostly paid for the kid-related stuff aside from their food.
Will everything be lonely? - I was not.
Will I just find a new partner and continue having the same stupid arguments, just with a different person? - I found a new person. We clicked much better. We fight well, argue, not fight, and argue productively. It's completely different.

+1

[Anonymous]

It's like suddenly, a 100 pound block of cement lifted from my shoulders, and a steel ball unshackled from my ankles.

[Anonymous]

if you think you have a marriage worth saving, then try your best to save it. I am divorced, it's lonely BUT you can't pay me to go back to my ex. I was lonelier with him than I could ever be on my own. There was nothing I could have tried to rekindle with my ex, couldn't even kiss the guy without holding my breath, yikes!

[Anonymous]

Totally depends. I was in what I thought was a happy marriage, and when I found out my husband was cheating I seriously could not have been more shocked. Married 15+ years, almost never fight. Our kids are elementary age, so sex wasn't what it was (maybe 1-2 times a week at most).

We've been separated for a year and should be signing the divorce papers any day now. It was terrifying for me... I spent most of my adult life as a "we" so doing it on my own was scary. But.... I learned i could, and I could do so easily.

I was worried about our kids, we did have to get them in to counseling, but they are adjusting well. It's not ideal, but my ex and I don't badmouth each other and they don't know about his affair (yet... if he ever introduces her to them, I will probably tell them who she is, eventually, when they ar old enough to process it).

Money is tighter. Holidays are complicated and lonely.

Dating was terrifying but oh so much fun!

I didn't realize how much of my personality I had more or less suppressed to be a "we" and I've really, really enjoyed unleashing a totally pure and unrestrained version of ME.

Would I do it again?? I don't know. I know that our marriage was over, and I could never get past his infedelity and lies. But I don't love this for our kids. I'd have stuck it out until the kids were a bit older... we weren't fighting, we weren't mean to each other, we were quite loving and healthy, honestly.

But I like where I am. I like who I am. I like this version of me better.

[Anonymous]

I was happier. I’d say he was too, he needs a simple life w/o personal or child responsibilities.