What is divorce like?

[Anonymous]

I was lucky in that they only thing I lost was my XH and the companionship that came it’s having a spouse. Kids are doing fine, they love the fact they get double vacations and they actually get way more one on one time with each of us now. I’m comfortable financially. I kept the house and the friends (they were my friends anyway). For now I have half my time as a single parent and half my time as a single woman.

What did I gain? My life back. I was severely codependent. Turns out my ex is capable of doing laundry, doing dishes and cleaning up after himself. My house is much cleaned, I have less chores overall. But most importantly, I can do whatever it is I want to do without having to take anyone else but the kids into consideration. My kids are teenagers and will be in college soon enough. My job is transferable throughout the country and there are opportunities for overseas work. I am looking at life version 2.0 which can be whatever I choose to make it. It’s liberating.

[Anonymous]

The best part about divorce was that I could finally be honest, after 20 years in a prison. I could tell my friends, family, co-workers, the kid's friends parents, the neighbors, my minister, the kid's teachers, and anyone else who would listen what my ex was really like and what a hell it was to live with a violently angry, drug-addicted nutcase.

It takes so much energy to live a lie, and to constantly apologize for your spouses' bad behavior, and to constantly be forced to function for another adult who refuses to try to fix themselves.

[Anonymous]

Ex-Husband and I had been living like roommates who didn't really even like each other for years. Outside the house and to others we were this happy outgoing couple, inside the house we basically were acquaintances. No fighting, just annoyance and indifference. As the kids got older, it was impacting them. They wanted us to divorce as neither of us where happy, nor was the family, nor was the home.

All 3 kids were teens when we divorced. Despite their agreement and actually pushing for us to divorce, the reality was much, much harder than I could ever even have imagined. While the divorce wasn't acrimonious, my ex and I became very different parents living very different lives. Being together had held both of us back for years and we both greatly enjoyed our freedom. I don't know exactly what it was that was so hard for the kids but 2 of my 3 feel apart. the first 6 months or so were fine then the wheels fell off. One became very depressed and suicidal and would beg us to get back together. I spent two years living in constant anxiety about keeping her alive, and another year trying to help her reengage with life and society. The other started drinking, having hook up sex with random guys and generally being very unhealthy and very unsafe. I also spent 3 years scared every time the phone would ring that this was a call that she was arrested, dead, raped or injured. mentally and emotionally those few years almost did me in and during that time I regretted the divorce every day as the impact on my kids was much worse than the impact had been when we were together.

Financially I have done better than he has. I make ends meet.

We are now 8 years out and it is great. The kids are all doing well, my ex and I are doing great. He is remarried and I am happy. The toll of those post divorce years will almost be there but at this point we are much happier than if we had stayed together. If I was to do it again, I would do it differently and divorce early on when the kids were little or wait until they were adults.

[Anonymous]

It would be pretty sweet to have every other weekend off so I can actually exercise and take care of myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ex-Husband and I had been living like roommates who didn't really even like each other for years. Outside the house and to others we were this happy outgoing couple, inside the house we basically were acquaintances. No fighting, just annoyance and indifference. As the kids got older, it was impacting them. They wanted us to divorce as neither of us where happy, nor was the family, nor was the home.

All 3 kids were teens when we divorced. Despite their agreement and actually pushing for us to divorce, the reality was much, much harder than I could ever even have imagined. While the divorce wasn't acrimonious, my ex and I became very different parents living very different lives. Being together had held both of us back for years and we both greatly enjoyed our freedom. I don't know exactly what it was that was so hard for the kids but 2 of my 3 feel apart. the first 6 months or so were fine then the wheels fell off. One became very depressed and suicidal and would beg us to get back together. I spent two years living in constant anxiety about keeping her alive, and another year trying to help her reengage with life and society. The other started drinking, having hook up sex with random guys and generally being very unhealthy and very unsafe. I also spent 3 years scared every time the phone would ring that this was a call that she was arrested, dead, raped or injured. mentally and emotionally those few years almost did me in and during that time I regretted the divorce every day as the impact on my kids was much worse than the impact had been when we were together.

Financially I have done better than he has. I make ends meet.

We are now 8 years out and it is great. The kids are all doing well, my ex and I are doing great. He is remarried and I am happy. The toll of those post divorce years will almost be there but at this point we are much happier than if we had stayed together. If I was to do it again, I would do it differently and divorce early on when the kids were little or wait until they were adults.

This is such a common experience and I wonder what can be done to avoid it. Other than not getting married and not having kids in the first place. The reality is that children of divorce are more likely to divorce. Very soon it will be just a series of short term relationships.