Can't fully get along with sister in law

[Anonymous]

Hello Everyone,

Here I come! Sorry for the veeeeeeeery long message.

I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years now. We're both 28 and sister in law is 25.

She can be a very nice girl, fun and cool. When I first met her, that's what I thought. I only saw her a few times so I actually liked her. Then I started seeing more often and I realized how clingy to her brother she can be. I first thought that they were really close because they don't have a father. And she acts like a 10 years old, so her being clingy doesn't seem weird.

My boyfriend found a job far from his homeplace and we decided to live together. That's when everything really started. She was not clingy, she was more than clingy.

The day before we moved she started saying things like "there's a restaurant where I work near your place, I can just come and live with you". She got angry at her uncle when he invited my boyfriend and me to eat at his place and not her. She said "if you invite HIM it means you invite ME too" and her uncle was shocked.
After that, whenever we came to visit them, she did things like holding his hand on the table at dinner and caressing his hand. Lying fully on him on his bed with her face in his neck. She wants to be the one to take him in her arms when he's cold. Things that made me feel uneasy. More uneasy than jealous, like I was too much in the room and I should leave them alone.

Friends told me that she just needed to find a boyfriend. The thing is, she DOES have a boyfriend. But I think she acts with her boyfriend the way I do with my brother. And acts with her brother the way I do with my boyfriend. Like she cares more about wearing clothes that her brother will like and never asks this to her boyfriend (real situation. Her boyfriend was next to her but she asked her brother. And she got angry when her brother told her to ask her boyfriend instead).

She once even told me that her boyfriend was angry because she puts her brother before her boyfriend. I said: "well, for me, your brother comes before mine because I consider him as the man of my life" (obviously meaning that I want to marry him and have babies with him....) and she said: "right?? me too!! My brother comes first then my boyfriend". I almost asked her "oh you too? you want to marry and have children with him too???"

I repeated that conversation to my boyfriend and he got a little bit scared.
I don't know what actually happened after that, but she stopped being that way. So I thought that she'll just be the clingy sister I knew first and that we could start being nice sisters in law!!!

Buuuuuuut no.... Because now.... she's not the annoying sister who looks like his second girlfriend anymore. She's just the annoying sister.
Really annoying. I said she acted like a 10 years old? Well, it's more like A 10 years old spoiled child who thinks she's a princess and thinks that everyone should obey. And worst of all.... the whole family looks like they signed a contract that says they should never upset her.

Here are 3 examples of things she does that resume her attitude everytime I see her.
_ She's cooking something, fridge is behind her. Her mother is between her and the fridge. She doesn't turn around. Doesn't say a word. She just tends her arm far behind her with the butter in her hand and wait. So her mother (who almost got the butter in the face) takes it and put it back in the fridge. Mother gets angry and sister says "what??? why are you suddenly angry???"
mother just stops talking so sister thinks that she was doing things right.
_ We go to the beach. Me my boyfriend, his sister and her boyfriend. She forgot to bring some underwears. Notices that me and my boyfriend brought ours. She gets angry because we didn't tell her to bring hers. So if she didn't bring hers, it's obviously our fault. I told her that we were not supposed to be her brains and that she was 25 already... she acted like I didn't say anything.
_She's at our place. We're all playing poker. She's shuffling the cards but it's been 10 minutes already. Because she's watching the tv at the same time. So my boyfriend turns the TV off. She gets angry and says in a very very bossy tone: "turn the tv on. Turn.The.TV.ON! TURN THE TV ON!!!!" She threatened to stop playing. We didn't turn it on but instead we had to put music on our phone.
I told my boyfriend later (then to her when we saw her the next time) that she was not at her place and she had no right to talk to us like that. That I'm sorry to say that but I think she's a spoiled child, rude and disrepectful most of the time. And next time she talks to us like that at our place, she gets out. Immediately.
Her mother got a bit scared but sister in law just laughed like "I was just being a child". I don't think she really expects me to do that, but I know my boyfriend is worried about inviting her over again because he knows that she may do that again and that she will end up sleeping at the hotel whatever he says.

And that attitude... that's how she acts all the time. It's not even about her being clingy, it's her being annoying. I can say so much more. Like how she sent a message when we were on a holiday to tell us what to visit. And since we were busy we didn't see the message so she called 3 times!!!! And when my boyfriend got worried (because who would call 3 times the same day if it was not important????) she said it was just to tell us to visit that thing.
How she tried to call her brother but he didn't answer. she called me right after and I had to tell her he was in the toilets. And she wanted me to give him my phone. And since I didn't want to, she wanted me to put the phone on loudspeaker. And we refused. So she called him later (30 minutes later only) and what did she say??? just that she was in a great place for the week end.

I swear I could give so much more examples...

Her cousin's boyfriend talked about her and said he was annoyed too. Sister in law and her cousin often get into arguments. Most of the time I agree with the cousin, but listening to sister in law, she's never at fault. The boyfriend learned from the cousin that no one dared to say anything to her because then her mother would be angry and would stop talking to them. I didn't sign up for this so I tell her no everytime I feel like I can say it. But the cousin's boyfriend is scared that I may end up being hated by both mother and sister in law.

Boyfriend wants to see his family often. And wants me to get along with his sister. I just want to crash her head against a wall. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

Break up. Not worth it.

[Anonymous]

Should I break up with a great boyfriend because his sister is annoying?

[Anonymous]

How often do you see her?

She sounds immature ( in a real way) and may just need some more time on the vine. However, princesses tend to marry people who also treat them like princesses, so you may have to deal with some of it the rest of your life,but if you live away- it will only be for short spurts. If your DH backs you up, that is good. If he backs his sister up, then you need to think about things.

How old was she when she lost her father?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Should I break up with a great boyfriend because his sister is annoying?

No you should break up with boyfriend because he wants to spend time with his family often and wants you to get along with her. He doesn’t see her as a problem, and that will never change.

Move on.

[Anonymous]

I used to see her about once a month.

This year is different cause we don't have any other reasons to go at their place. Other than just visiting them I mean.
Also we moved into a bigger place. In the past, they just slept at the hotel. Now they can sleep at our place. Sister in law came only once. That time with the poker game. So they could come more often like before, but I feel like maybe me threatening her to sleep at the hotel may have slowed them down in the idea of coming.

And I was also upset because when I say that we saw them once a month, I actually mean we only see HIS family once a month. I may have seen my own family 3 times last year... So this year we spent more time with my family. And we see them every three months maybe?

So, yeah, I thought that maybe I should just suck it up. Because it's only a few times and boyfriend doesn't disagree. I just tell her no and that's all (well, for now... because I'm probably the only one who says no to her). We go back home and get back to our life.

Boyfriend backs me up.... I don't know. I mean, he totally agrees with me about her being annoying, but only because I point it out. If I don't say anything, since he's used to her attitude, it looks like he doesn't see anything wrong. I have to say "wow, I think her doing that was rude...." and he will say "ah?... ah now that you say that, I have to admit that indeed, that was rude"

What reassures me, is that he doesn't back her up if I say something. At least that's one good thing... I think

I think she was around 3 years old when she lost her father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Should I break up with a great boyfriend because his sister is annoying?

No you should break up with boyfriend because he wants to spend time with his family often and wants you to get along with her. He doesn’t see her as a problem, and that will never change.

Move on.

I think he didn't see her as a problem until I pointed it out. Maybe now, he sees that there may be a problem and I told him that we may never get along. But he still hopes for this to change.

[Anonymous]

So you write a tome ending with "What should I do?" You get advice to break up with him from someone who took the time to read all that, and then you want to argue the advice.

Whatever. Go live your life. Live with your boyfriend. Marry him if he ever decides to propose. Deal with his sister and keep complaining. Just promise that you won't come back here to whine about how your boyfriend/husband doesn't stick up for you. You're making this choice with eyes wide open.

[Anonymous]

I think you should ignore what you call her attitude a lot more. What's it to you if she's rude to her mom. You shouldn't turn off a tv that someone is watching. You don't see her much, stop policing every little thing because you don't like her; only speak up when it affects you directly, and keep living your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should ignore what you call her attitude a lot more. What's it to you if she's rude to her mom. You shouldn't turn off a tv that someone is watching. You don't see her much, stop policing every little thing because you don't like her; only speak up when it affects you directly, and keep living your life.

That's actually something I told myself and an advice I really think I should follow even thought I can't stop feeling annoyed.

For the way she acted with her mom, that's the first thing I thought of mentionning cause that's the last one she did recently. But she does that with everyone. However I agree, when she does to other people I should just let them do whatever they want with what she does to them.
And turning the tv off, I think I should say that to my boyfriend since he's the one who actually did it ah ah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you write a tome ending with "What should I do?" You get advice to break up with him from someone who took the time to read all that, and then you want to argue the advice.

Whatever. Go live your life. Live with your boyfriend. Marry him if he ever decides to propose. Deal with his sister and keep complaining. Just promise that you won't come back here to whine about how your boyfriend/husband doesn't stick up for you. You're making this choice with eyes wide open.

You angry?
There can be a lot of advices. Not only one that I should absolutely follow.
You gave me one. I heard it and decided that I wanted to hear other ones.
You sound like there are only 2 solutions: break up or live with it. That's all there is. No in between solutions.
And because I didn't choose yours, then am I necessarily someone who doesn't want to get advices?

[Anonymous]

You should have told your boy friend to man up a long time ago and put her in her place. At this point just move on.
He’s not going to put you first or he would have already told her to F off.

If family is important. Move closer to yours, meet someone with a loving family. Live better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should have told your boy friend to man up a long time ago and put her in her place. At this point just move on.
He’s not going to put you first or he would have already told her to F off.

If family is important. Move closer to yours, meet someone with a loving family. Live better.

THIS, I have to agree with this. I waited way too long to say something. Now can we be sure that he will never put me first?

[Anonymous]

off topic: the forum shows "07:27" on my screen, is it really that time where you are? It's 13:27 where I am, so I need to go back to work now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Should I break up with a great boyfriend because his sister is annoying?

You should break up with a boyfriend who does not establish boundaries with his sister.

Your problem is your boyfriend, not his sister.

But yes, move on. And next time, don't move in with a boyfriend unless you are engaged or close to it, because living together makes it much harder to get out.