No Kids at Wedding - Why So Much Anger?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

When did I say you did? I was simply having a laugh at the ridiculousness of everyone on here who has said thus and thus is acceptable and this or that is not. As if anyone owes anyone else an excuse, a reason, a justification that needs to be “accepted.” I’ve turned down invitations and I’ve learned that some people were upset I did not attend. Oh well. I don’t care if someone doesn’t understand or like my decisions.

But as I said, there is clearly a market for this type of reply card. Money to be made, people!

You quoted me so I assumed you were implying as much.

But that's the thing. Nobody is saying the invitee owes anyone an excuse. At least nowhere near the extent we see the other side dictating what is and is not acceptable in terns of people planning their own wedding.

People are saying couples owe it to family, society, and 12 year olds with dreams of attending a wedding to invite children to weddings.

I’ve turned down invitations and I’ve learned that some people were upset I did not attend.

Then that is silly. Nobody should be telling you that you owe them attendance, or that you owe them a wedding with children invited.

That's not precisely what I was trying to say about five pages ago, fwiw. I think weddings used to be bonding experiences for young cousins when I was growing up. Losing that because people want nicer Instagram pictures to post, if that's really why this generation is doing it, is really to bad from my perspective. I have some great memories of those times. It's a shame to me that young people aren't valuing those experiences for kids to hang out together. If that's what you want, I can arrange for babysitting or not according to how much I value you in the family tbh. It does inform my opinion of you and makes me think maybe you're caught up more with appearances and more inclined to make the event all about you instead about the larger family. You're allowed to think me some sort of judgemental oldster, but I'm allowed to make that judgement of your selfishness etc, also.

Hey oldster, what was the average cost of those weddings back in the 70s/80s that you are referring to? Oh, that’s right, a fraction of what a wedding costs today. You sound as dim as the Boomers who go on and on about how they own a home (they bought for $85,000) and they just don’t understand why young people can’t afford a home these days, they’re probably poor because they buy Starbucks. Weddings are astronomically pricier these days, so no, not everyone and their kids can be invited.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My SIL had a no kids allowed destination wedding at a $1000/night resort that was hours away from an airport. We had a 2 year old and had never left him overnight and no childcare options. SIL tried to paint this as an amazing opportunity to take a child free 'vacation' (all her close friends also had kids) but we didn't end up going so her only sibling wasn't there.

Your husband didn’t go alone? When it’s a sibling and your only sibling and your child is 2 and the other parent can manage for a few days solo, not going is pretty aggressive. Did you encourage him to go? Did his sister go to your wedding?

DP but neither DH nor I would have encouraged or nagged the other person to go. 1K a night and a bunch of PTO to fly to a destination wedding
w/ o spouse and kids would be a no go for us at that time in our life. It’s insanely rude to assume your guests are going to sacrifice their family vacation time and budget because you want a destination wedding. If you want a destination wedding by all means have one but the obligations to attend completely change when you choose this path.

How much pto do you need for 1 night? You are just making excuses to be upset because they didn't invite your precious little toddler.

We’ve been told over and over that all brides (excuse me, 99.9%) are perfectly happy and never, ever rude when someone declines to attend their wedding for any reason whatsoever. But you seem to be very upset that someone chose not to use PTO to go to your wedding here. Oh dear. I guess you are a special one.

DP

It's not upsetting people decline the invitation. It's upsetting people making up disingenuous excuses for doing so.

Why lie about PTO and babysitters? Just say you are declining an invitation to an event that does not accommodate you in the special way you want to be accommodated. Babysitters and PTO is a passive aggressive protest, nothing more.

Isn’t that…any event anyone ever declines?

I’m declining your MLM party because it doesn’t accommodate my special wish not to be sold Mary Kay products.

I’m declining your happy hour because it doesn’t accommodate my special wish not to be around your odious boyfriend.

And I’m declining your wedding because it doesn’t accommodate my wish not to spend an extra $200 on you.

I don’t see why the latter is any different than the former two?

We are in agreement. You just said the reasons you are declining by providing examples. We agree.

So why is it “disingenuous and passive aggressive” to say no to your wedding? Is it disingenuous and passive aggressive to decline your other invites that don’t suit me?

That's not what I wrote. "[People] making up disingenuous excuses" is what I wrote. It's not disingenuous and passive aggressive to decline an invitation to a child-free wedding. Commenters on these topics often will exaggerate the effort needed to attend a child-free wedding. If you can't attend for whatever reason or don't want to, that's fine.


So many people have latched on to that statement about disingenuous excuses. People are literally cancelling families over others choosing a child-free wedding. But yeah lets take me to task for criticizing people whom I believe are basing excuses on exaggerated circumstances.

NP. Ohhh noooo, did people “latch on” to words you wrote?

Yes. Several people are obsessing over it. I'm beginning to think it means there's more truth to it.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My SIL had a no kids allowed destination wedding at a $1000/night resort that was hours away from an airport. We had a 2 year old and had never left him overnight and no childcare options. SIL tried to paint this as an amazing opportunity to take a child free 'vacation' (all her close friends also had kids) but we didn't end up going so her only sibling wasn't there.

Your husband didn’t go alone? When it’s a sibling and your only sibling and your child is 2 and the other parent can manage for a few days solo, not going is pretty aggressive. Did you encourage him to go? Did his sister go to your wedding?

DP but neither DH nor I would have encouraged or nagged the other person to go. 1K a night and a bunch of PTO to fly to a destination wedding
w/ o spouse and kids would be a no go for us at that time in our life. It’s insanely rude to assume your guests are going to sacrifice their family vacation time and budget because you want a destination wedding. If you want a destination wedding by all means have one but the obligations to attend completely change when you choose this path.

How much pto do you need for 1 night? You are just making excuses to be upset because they didn't invite your precious little toddler.

We’ve been told over and over that all brides (excuse me, 99.9%) are perfectly happy and never, ever rude when someone declines to attend their wedding for any reason whatsoever. But you seem to be very upset that someone chose not to use PTO to go to your wedding here. Oh dear. I guess you are a special one.

DP

It's not upsetting people decline the invitation. It's upsetting people making up disingenuous excuses for doing so.

Why lie about PTO and babysitters? Just say you are declining an invitation to an event that does not accommodate you in the special way you want to be accommodated. Babysitters and PTO is a passive aggressive protest, nothing more.

Isn’t that…any event anyone ever declines?

I’m declining your MLM party because it doesn’t accommodate my special wish not to be sold Mary Kay products.

I’m declining your happy hour because it doesn’t accommodate my special wish not to be around your odious boyfriend.

And I’m declining your wedding because it doesn’t accommodate my wish not to spend an extra $200 on you.

I don’t see why the latter is any different than the former two?

We are in agreement. You just said the reasons you are declining by providing examples. We agree.

So why is it “disingenuous and passive aggressive” to say no to your wedding? Is it disingenuous and passive aggressive to decline your other invites that don’t suit me?

That's not what I wrote. "[People] making up disingenuous excuses" is what I wrote. It's not disingenuous and passive aggressive to decline an invitation to a child-free wedding. Commenters on these topics often will exaggerate the effort needed to attend a child-free wedding. If you can't attend for whatever reason or don't want to, that's fine.


So many people have latched on to that statement about disingenuous excuses. People are literally cancelling families over others choosing a child-free wedding. But yeah lets take me to task for criticizing people whom I believe are basing excuses on exaggerated circumstances.

NP. Ohhh noooo, did people “latch on” to words you wrote?

Yes. Several people are obsessing over it. I'm beginning to think it means there's more truth to it.

Keep backtracking and deflecting! You’re like a reality star who blames “the edit” for the audience not liking their words and behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

When did I say you did? I was simply having a laugh at the ridiculousness of everyone on here who has said thus and thus is acceptable and this or that is not. As if anyone owes anyone else an excuse, a reason, a justification that needs to be “accepted.” I’ve turned down invitations and I’ve learned that some people were upset I did not attend. Oh well. I don’t care if someone doesn’t understand or like my decisions.

But as I said, there is clearly a market for this type of reply card. Money to be made, people!

You quoted me so I assumed you were implying as much.

But that's the thing. Nobody is saying the invitee owes anyone an excuse. At least nowhere near the extent we see the other side dictating what is and is not acceptable in terns of people planning their own wedding.

People are saying couples owe it to family, society, and 12 year olds with dreams of attending a wedding to invite children to weddings.

I’ve turned down invitations and I’ve learned that some people were upset I did not attend.

Then that is silly. Nobody should be telling you that you owe them attendance, or that you owe them a wedding with children invited.

That's not precisely what I was trying to say about five pages ago, fwiw. I think weddings used to be bonding experiences for young cousins when I was growing up. Losing that because people want nicer Instagram pictures to post, if that's really why this generation is doing it, is really to bad from my perspective. I have some great memories of those times. It's a shame to me that young people aren't valuing those experiences for kids to hang out together. If that's what you want, I can arrange for babysitting or not according to how much I value you in the family tbh. It does inform my opinion of you and makes me think maybe you're caught up more with appearances and more inclined to make the event all about you instead about the larger family. You're allowed to think me some sort of judgemental oldster, but I'm allowed to make that judgement of your selfishness etc, also.

Hey oldster, what was the average cost of those weddings back in the 70s/80s that you are referring to? Oh, that’s right, a fraction of what a wedding costs today. You sound as dim as the Boomers who go on and on about how they own a home (they bought for $85,000) and they just don’t understand why young people can’t afford a home these days, they’re probably poor because they buy Starbucks. Weddings are astronomically pricier these days, so no, not everyone and their kids can be invited.

This.
Oldster took me OUT!!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:American culture is insane.

They either can’t separate themselves from children for one night or they’re so broke they can’t afford a babysitter for a few hours.

I have friends who drug their three little kids around even to adult poker nights.

It’s disgraceful.

Just to keep this idea grounded in reality, a babysitter for “a few hours” is from 4-12 for a local wedding. That’s eight hours, assume minimum $25/hour you’re looking at $200 just to leave the house. Thats low-tier wedding guest gift all by itself right there.

You don't literally have to stay until the end. Just go to the reception, have dinner, stay for a few dances, then go. People seem to be making this much harder than it has to be.

Ok great you’ve now made this a $150 cost to walk out the door. Good thing you’re here.

Find a sitter that doesn't cost $50 an hour. Go for 3 hours.

Thanks I really enjoy it when invitations come with chores. Find a new babysitter, go for three hours (five with travel) you can keep minimizing all you want but the bottom line is: it’s an ask. You’re asking your guests to bear additional costs to attend your wedding that they don’t have to in order attend other weddings. Thats ok as long as you don’t say a word if they decline (which means no helpful hints about getting lower quality childcare to make sure you’re there for their party…)

Don’t want me spending your money to invite my kid? Don’t spend mine to get a babysitter.

So for the last time, it is totally okay to say "No" and not attend. It's an invite, not a court summons. Doesn't matter why, if you cannot attend, just say no. And 99.99% of brides do not make you "feel bad for declining"

Weird stat. How on earth could you know this? It comes across as bizarrely defensive.

DP. Okay. So how about acknowledging that 100% of the childfree wedding brides here aren't saying you should feel bad for not going. Someone, if not you, seems to be addressing us as if we are, and that is not bizarre to be defensive about.

Yes! I haven't seen a single person who had/supports childfree weddings say that you should not decline if you aren't able to attend. It's ONLY the anti-childfree wedding people who are bent out of shape about someone elses event.

There is a pro-childfree-wedding poster just a page ago who is very upset that someone chose not to go because of issues of babysitting and cost and accused that poster of lying about her reasons for declining. Are you even reading the same thread?

That was me. I never said I was "very upset". I said "It's upsetting...".

I understand why though you need to exaggerate since the child free wedding haters are the upset ones.

Was the below you? It sure sounds very upset to me, and you even say you are upset. It is certainly not emotionally balanced, at least.

It's not upsetting people decline the invitation. It's upsetting people making up disingenuous excuses for doing so.

Why lie about PTO and babysitters? Just say you are declining an invitation to an event that does not accommodate you in the special way you want to be accommodated. Babysitters and PTO is a passive aggressive protest, nothing more.

You aren’t entitled to demand attendance from guests or know their reasons, no matter how much of a temper tantrum you throw.

Nowhere did I demand attendance. I was being critical of the reasons provided for declining.

I can understand why would would mistake that for an emotionally unbalanced temper tantrum since you didn't understand what you read.

I'm Pro---whatever type of wedding you want. But the bride (or anyone else) should not be discussing/being critical of the reasons provided for declining. There is not reason for the bride to expect or be given "an excuse" other than "so sorry, we won't be able to make it. Hope you have an amazing day! "

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:If, like, you get invited to dinner at a White House occupied by a President you like, you gonna pi$$ and moan because the kids can't go too?
If you get invited to an anniversary dinner, do you ask if the kids can come?
If yes, just stay home until the kids are in the military or college,

I wouldn't expect kids to be invited to the WH since that has nothing to do with family.

I would expect children at family members anniversary parties for sure. I attended my grandparents 50th and various aunts and uncles anniversary dinners.

When people get married they are inviting more than family. Inviting family kids means you also need to allow you coworkers and college friends to bring their kids and that adds up quickly for a limited reception budget.

No it doesn't. Just like you don't have to invite your coworker's parents just because you invited your parents' parents, your cousin's parents, and your best friend's parents that helped raise you.

No way am I inviting some people’s kids and excluding others. That’s just wrong. Kid free wedding or kids are invited but it’s tacky to invite some and not others. (Wedding party being the exception.)

I think it's a very normal line to draw that children of family would be invited but not random acquaintances. Kids are people and like any other person, would be invited, or not invited, based on their relationship to the bride and groom.

Disagree, it’s like saying some people can bring a spouse and some people can’t.

I don’t care if you have a kid free wedding or not, but I think it’s bad manners to invite some and not all kids.

Not really. I've seen "only the kids in wedding party invited" also seen "only immediate family kids (nieces/nephews of the bridge and groom), also seen only relatives kids.

If I don't know my coworkers kids why the hell would I invite them to my wedding?!?!? Or just maybe even if I do, if they are not some of my best friends, I have limits on numbers/kids cost as much as adults/etc. so yeah I get to decide who to invite.
Mans you as an invitee get to decide who"yes or no" for attendance based on the invite. You don't get to add guests

Just because you get to decide doesn’t mean I don’t get to decide that you’re being tacky and rude. I already made an exception for kids in the wedding party. But telling your coworker he can’t bring his kids just to have him shop up and see all your nephews and nieces? Yeah, not cool.

No it's not. Unless you know the co-workers kids very well, they are not the same as your nieces and nephews. They simply are not.

But remember, you as the coworker could have RSVP No if you were upset your kids were not invited. And if you show up and cannot see how that is different than close family, you have issues

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:So besides a few people saying they know/heard of a bridezilla complaining they didn't attend their wedding, almost exclusively all the hate on this thread is coming from parents who hate childfree weddings. Nonstop insults, insinuating they are mentally ill or bad people, yikes. It really makes the parents pushing for their children to be included look entitled, petty and rude.

Odd. I read this thread exactly the opposite. Funny how people can have such opposite experiences in reading. I am fine with child free weddings, by the way, but have to say that in this thread the worst behavior and posts are coming from child free brides.

I'm not talking about bad behaviour, there is plenty of that on both sides. But the pro-choice/pro-dowhatyouwant people are not calling millions of people "ugly" and whatever else you or pp used as personal insults. Almost all of them say just to decline if you can't attend. It's the anti-choice/onlydoyourweddinghowIsay people are trying to control and dictate how other people live their life. It's weird. Just let people celebrate how they want.

I have not and would not use a single personal insult, I am fine with child free weddings, but this is a bizarrely one-sided reading of this thread. I don’t get the deliberate blindness.

Assume you are right - the degree and kind of insults are one-sided. The insults are aimed at these people and people who defend them:

OP: "A good friend had an adults only wedding and now her husband doesn’t speak to his sister because she was angry she could not bring her 12 year old (his sister lived an hour away from the venue) and has never recovered from the slight. "

No child free wedding advocate is breaking up a family because someone invited children to a wedding. The other side will break up a family over this. If according to your eye test team child free wedding is the more insulting bunch, this hardly moves the terrible behavior needle in context.

If that is ALL it takes to "break up a family", then the Sister has serious issues already. I highly doubt the brother and sister were that close at all.

Also, who cannot leave their 12 yo home alone for 5-6 hours, or just find a friend for them to hang out with that day.

[Anonymous]

I don't feel vitriol but I do feel disappointment with family weddings without children, our extended family is precious to me and I treasure events where when can celebrate, and celebrating with children and letting them form happy memories with their cousins and other extended family is important to me. It just seems like a wedding without kids is a missed opportunity to bond as a family in a way that lasts generations.

That said, I don't at all mind child-free weddings without kids when it's not family.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:American culture is insane.

They either can’t separate themselves from children for one night or they’re so broke they can’t afford a babysitter for a few hours.

I have friends who drug their three little kids around even to adult poker nights.

It’s disgraceful.

Just to keep this idea grounded in reality, a babysitter for “a few hours” is from 4-12 for a local wedding. That’s eight hours, assume minimum $25/hour you’re looking at $200 just to leave the house. Thats low-tier wedding guest gift all by itself right there.

You don't literally have to stay until the end. Just go to the reception, have dinner, stay for a few dances, then go. People seem to be making this much harder than it has to be.

Ok great you’ve now made this a $150 cost to walk out the door. Good thing you’re here.

Find a sitter that doesn't cost $50 an hour. Go for 3 hours.

Thanks I really enjoy it when invitations come with chores. Find a new babysitter, go for three hours (five with travel) you can keep minimizing all you want but the bottom line is: it’s an ask. You’re asking your guests to bear additional costs to attend your wedding that they don’t have to in order attend other weddings. Thats ok as long as you don’t say a word if they decline (which means no helpful hints about getting lower quality childcare to make sure you’re there for their party…)

Don’t want me spending your money to invite my kid? Don’t spend mine to get a babysitter.

So for the last time, it is totally okay to say "No" and not attend. It's an invite, not a court summons. Doesn't matter why, if you cannot attend, just say no. And 99.99% of brides do not make you "feel bad for declining"

Weird stat. How on earth could you know this? It comes across as bizarrely defensive.

DP. Okay. So how about acknowledging that 100% of the childfree wedding brides here aren't saying you should feel bad for not going. Someone, if not you, seems to be addressing us as if we are, and that is not bizarre to be defensive about.

Yes! I haven't seen a single person who had/supports childfree weddings say that you should not decline if you aren't able to attend. It's ONLY the anti-childfree wedding people who are bent out of shape about someone elses event.

There is a pro-childfree-wedding poster just a page ago who is very upset that someone chose not to go because of issues of babysitting and cost and accused that poster of lying about her reasons for declining. Are you even reading the same thread?

That was me. I never said I was "very upset". I said "It's upsetting...".

I understand why though you need to exaggerate since the child free wedding haters are the upset ones.

Was the below you? It sure sounds very upset to me, and you even say you are upset. It is certainly not emotionally balanced, at least.

It's not upsetting people decline the invitation. It's upsetting people making up disingenuous excuses for doing so.

Why lie about PTO and babysitters? Just say you are declining an invitation to an event that does not accommodate you in the special way you want to be accommodated. Babysitters and PTO is a passive aggressive protest, nothing more.

You aren’t entitled to demand attendance from guests or know their reasons, no matter how much of a temper tantrum you throw.

Nowhere did I demand attendance. I was being critical of the reasons provided for declining.

I can understand why would would mistake that for an emotionally unbalanced temper tantrum since you didn't understand what you read.

I'm Pro---whatever type of wedding you want. But the bride (or anyone else) should not be discussing/being critical of the reasons provided for declining. There is not reason for the bride to expect or be given "an excuse" other than "so sorry, we won't be able to make it. Hope you have an amazing day! "

You can be critical of the reason if the reason is "Not enough PTO", and the invitee is unemployed. You can be critical of the reason if the reason is "No babysitter", and the invitee hires a babysitter to another wedding for that period of time. You can be critical of the nephew who was disingenuous about the 21+ venue requirement.

You don't need to be critical. But it is warranted to be critical of dishonesty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I are both the youngest of large families, and our kids are the youngest cousins on both sides. Several of our nieces and nephews have gotten married and had "adult only" weddings and our kids were the only first cousins excluded. (They are not babies-- they are 11 and 14.)

When my husband and I were both single we spent tons of time going to all our niblings' recitals, sporting events, plays, etc-- and now that we have kids, do you think our sibs show up for our kids in the same way? Nope.

To then have our kids cast aside at a family wedding is just another hurtful slight. It stings.

So the "not invited to the wedding" really isn't the issue. You were already upset that your siblings haven't been around for your kids as you were for theirs. It might be because you guys were young and single when you had nieces and nephews to go see/attend dance recitals or basketball games, etc. But when you had young kids, your nieces and nephews were in their teens, so you know, busy with all their activities as teens, and their parents (your siblings) were busy driving them around, watching their own kids.

But you were already mad at your siblings (both of you), so the non-invite was the icing on the cake.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:If, like, you get invited to dinner at a White House occupied by a President you like, you gonna pi$$ and moan because the kids can't go too?
If you get invited to an anniversary dinner, do you ask if the kids can come?
If yes, just stay home until the kids are in the military or college,

I wouldn't expect kids to be invited to the WH since that has nothing to do with family.

I would expect children at family members anniversary parties for sure. I attended my grandparents 50th and various aunts and uncles anniversary dinners.

When people get married they are inviting more than family. Inviting family kids means you also need to allow you coworkers and college friends to bring their kids and that adds up quickly for a limited reception budget.

No it doesn't. Just like you don't have to invite your coworker's parents just because you invited your parents' parents, your cousin's parents, and your best friend's parents that helped raise you.

No way am I inviting some people’s kids and excluding others. That’s just wrong. Kid free wedding or kids are invited but it’s tacky to invite some and not others. (Wedding party being the exception.)

I think it's a very normal line to draw that children of family would be invited but not random acquaintances. Kids are people and like any other person, would be invited, or not invited, based on their relationship to the bride and groom.

Disagree, it’s like saying some people can bring a spouse and some people can’t.

I don’t care if you have a kid free wedding or not, but I think it’s bad manners to invite some and not all kids.

Not really. I've seen "only the kids in wedding party invited" also seen "only immediate family kids (nieces/nephews of the bridge and groom), also seen only relatives kids.

If I don't know my coworkers kids why the hell would I invite them to my wedding?!?!? Or just maybe even if I do, if they are not some of my best friends, I have limits on numbers/kids cost as much as adults/etc. so yeah I get to decide who to invite.
Mans you as an invitee get to decide who"yes or no" for attendance based on the invite. You don't get to add guests

Just because you get to decide doesn’t mean I don’t get to decide that you’re being tacky and rude. I already made an exception for kids in the wedding party. But telling your coworker he can’t bring his kids just to have him shop up and see all your nephews and nieces? Yeah, not cool.

No normal co-worker is going to get mad about that. Most people understand how this works and I doubt the clueless coworker who didn't would be the type someone would invite to their wedding in the first place.

Doesn’t make it any less rude. I had a child free wedding. I would never have done kids and not others.

You seriously wouldn't have invited your 14 yo niece and 16 yo nephew and view that the same as a random co-workers 8 yo? It's your choice to do "totally no kids". but it's not difficult to understand why some do include their close relatives kids (of a certain age or all of them).

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:If, like, you get invited to dinner at a White House occupied by a President you like, you gonna pi$$ and moan because the kids can't go too?
If you get invited to an anniversary dinner, do you ask if the kids can come?
If yes, just stay home until the kids are in the military or college,

I wouldn't expect kids to be invited to the WH since that has nothing to do with family.

I would expect children at family members anniversary parties for sure. I attended my grandparents 50th and various aunts and uncles anniversary dinners.

When people get married they are inviting more than family. Inviting family kids means you also need to allow you coworkers and college friends to bring their kids and that adds up quickly for a limited reception budget.

No it doesn't. Just like you don't have to invite your coworker's parents just because you invited your parents' parents, your cousin's parents, and your best friend's parents that helped raise you.

No way am I inviting some people’s kids and excluding others. That’s just wrong. Kid free wedding or kids are invited but it’s tacky to invite some and not others. (Wedding party being the exception.)

I think it's a very normal line to draw that children of family would be invited but not random acquaintances. Kids are people and like any other person, would be invited, or not invited, based on their relationship to the bride and groom.

Disagree, it’s like saying some people can bring a spouse and some people can’t.

I don’t care if you have a kid free wedding or not, but I think it’s bad manners to invite some and not all kids.

Not really. I've seen "only the kids in wedding party invited" also seen "only immediate family kids (nieces/nephews of the bridge and groom), also seen only relatives kids.

If I don't know my coworkers kids why the hell would I invite them to my wedding?!?!? Or just maybe even if I do, if they are not some of my best friends, I have limits on numbers/kids cost as much as adults/etc. so yeah I get to decide who to invite.
Mans you as an invitee get to decide who"yes or no" for attendance based on the invite. You don't get to add guests

Just because you get to decide doesn’t mean I don’t get to decide that you’re being tacky and rude. I already made an exception for kids in the wedding party. But telling your coworker he can’t bring his kids just to have him shop up and see all your nephews and nieces? Yeah, not cool.

No normal co-worker is going to get mad about that. Most people understand how this works and I doubt the clueless coworker who didn't would be the type someone would invite to their wedding in the first place.

Doesn’t make it any less rude. I had a child free wedding. I would never have done kids and not others.

My kids would be bored out of their minds at a wedding of my co-worker where they don't know other kids.

Exactly!! Most co-workers would not even think twice about it. And if the kids were invited, would most likely get a sitter for the kids/leave them home, because they'd realize the same thing (unless the kids actually know you and your family well). What 10 yo wants to attend a wedding where they know nobody?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So a man invited his sister to his wedding but left out his 12yo niece/nephew, their child?
That’s rude.

I’ve been invited to
Adult only weddings by friends without kids. It doesn’t make me angry but sometimes I don’t go.
To be invited to a siblings wedding though, but my tween isn’t invited, that burns.

+1. The bride was awful for doing this.
It’s my 12-year-old daughter’s dream to attend a wedding. She would be devastated if a close family member were to get married and not invite her to the wedding.

So if your 12 yo daughter's dream was to get a pony and your brother was getting his 14 yo daughter a pony, is he also obligated to fulfill your daughter's dream, so she is not devastated?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:American culture is insane.

They either can’t separate themselves from children for one night or they’re so broke they can’t afford a babysitter for a few hours.

I have friends who drug their three little kids around even to adult poker nights.

It’s disgraceful.

Just to keep this idea grounded in reality, a babysitter for “a few hours” is from 4-12 for a local wedding. That’s eight hours, assume minimum $25/hour you’re looking at $200 just to leave the house. Thats low-tier wedding guest gift all by itself right there.

You don't literally have to stay until the end. Just go to the reception, have dinner, stay for a few dances, then go. People seem to be making this much harder than it has to be.

Ok great you’ve now made this a $150 cost to walk out the door. Good thing you’re here.

Find a sitter that doesn't cost $50 an hour. Go for 3 hours.

Thanks I really enjoy it when invitations come with chores. Find a new babysitter, go for three hours (five with travel) you can keep minimizing all you want but the bottom line is: it’s an ask. You’re asking your guests to bear additional costs to attend your wedding that they don’t have to in order attend other weddings. Thats ok as long as you don’t say a word if they decline (which means no helpful hints about getting lower quality childcare to make sure you’re there for their party…)

Don’t want me spending your money to invite my kid? Don’t spend mine to get a babysitter.

So for the last time, it is totally okay to say "No" and not attend. It's an invite, not a court summons. Doesn't matter why, if you cannot attend, just say no. And 99.99% of brides do not make you "feel bad for declining"

Weird stat. How on earth could you know this? It comes across as bizarrely defensive.

DP. Okay. So how about acknowledging that 100% of the childfree wedding brides here aren't saying you should feel bad for not going. Someone, if not you, seems to be addressing us as if we are, and that is not bizarre to be defensive about.

Yes! I haven't seen a single person who had/supports childfree weddings say that you should not decline if you aren't able to attend. It's ONLY the anti-childfree wedding people who are bent out of shape about someone elses event.

There is a pro-childfree-wedding poster just a page ago who is very upset that someone chose not to go because of issues of babysitting and cost and accused that poster of lying about her reasons for declining. Are you even reading the same thread?

That was me. I never said I was "very upset". I said "It's upsetting...".

I understand why though you need to exaggerate since the child free wedding haters are the upset ones.

Was the below you? It sure sounds very upset to me, and you even say you are upset. It is certainly not emotionally balanced, at least.

It's not upsetting people decline the invitation. It's upsetting people making up disingenuous excuses for doing so.

Why lie about PTO and babysitters? Just say you are declining an invitation to an event that does not accommodate you in the special way you want to be accommodated. Babysitters and PTO is a passive aggressive protest, nothing more.

You aren’t entitled to demand attendance from guests or know their reasons, no matter how much of a temper tantrum you throw.

Nowhere did I demand attendance. I was being critical of the reasons provided for declining.

I can understand why would would mistake that for an emotionally unbalanced temper tantrum since you didn't understand what you read.

I'm Pro---whatever type of wedding you want. But the bride (or anyone else) should not be discussing/being critical of the reasons provided for declining. There is not reason for the bride to expect or be given "an excuse" other than "so sorry, we won't be able to make it. Hope you have an amazing day! "

You can be critical of the reason if the reason is "Not enough PTO", and the invitee is unemployed. You can be critical of the reason if the reason is "No babysitter", and the invitee hires a babysitter to another wedding for that period of time. You can be critical of the nephew who was disingenuous about the 21+ venue requirement.

You don't need to be critical. But it is warranted to be critical of dishonesty.

No, that’s not how babysitters work.
They don’t sit on call waiting for wedding invitations for their clients.

So someone with a babysitter for wedding A might very well not have a babysitter for wedding B.

And? Someone might like the bride and groom better for wedding A. Would you rather be told “I don’t want to spend $1000 on your wedding but I was really happy to spend $1000 on Sally?”. Is that “honesty” really what you want?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So a man invited his sister to his wedding but left out his 12yo niece/nephew, their child?
That’s rude.

I’ve been invited to
Adult only weddings by friends without kids. It doesn’t make me angry but sometimes I don’t go.
To be invited to a siblings wedding though, but my tween isn’t invited, that burns.

+1. The bride was awful for doing this.
It’s my 12-year-old daughter’s dream to attend a wedding. She would be devastated if a close family member were to get married and not invite her to the wedding.

So if your 12 yo daughter's dream was to get a pony and your brother was getting his 14 yo daughter a pony, is he also obligated to fulfill your daughter's dream, so she is not devastated?

DP

"It’s my 12-year-old daughter’s dream to attend a wedding."

There's nothing preventing that poster from renewing her vows accompanied with a traditional wedding ceremony.