Parents demanding grandchildren

[Anonymous]

I'm engaged but the wedding is a while away. Every single time I speak to my mother the conversation turns into a whinefest about her not having grandchildren. Never mind the fact that she wouldn't be changing the diapers at 2 in the morning or the fact that I just got on my feet with a mortgage. It's so infuriating yet I'm the selfish one???

[Anonymous]

She wants you to have grandkids out of wedlock?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm engaged but the wedding is a while away. Every single time I speak to my mother the conversation turns into a whinefest about her not having grandchildren. Never mind the fact that she wouldn't be changing the diapers at 2 in the morning or the fact that I just got on my feet with a mortgage. It's so infuriating yet I'm the selfish one???

"Mom, please stop complaining about grandchildren. It's disrespectful to me and my relationship with Larlo. If you choose to continue with this, I'll end the conversation by either leaving or hanging up. That goes for now and any time in the future."

Then really follow through on it.
"As I told you, I'm hanging up because you're bringing up grandchildren. Goodbye." CLick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She wants you to have grandkids out of wedlock?

I don't know what she wants. Ever since I was 16 she'd find some 'innocent' way of turning the conversation to grandkids. First I thought it was light teasing...'like how can I make my kids most uncomfortable kind of thing'. Then it was more forceful after I graduated college and some of her more irresponsible nieces/nephews started showing up with 2 or 3 kids that they could barely afford. Now I'm 29 and all I hear is - grandkids, grandkids, grandkids...

Like, I have no interest in having children just for her enjoyment. She'd see them once a month at most (I don't live anywhere near her). But it was so frustrating to hear and still is. Even before I began seriously dating, I never got a break from the constant pressure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She wants you to have grandkids out of wedlock?

I don't know what she wants. Ever since I was 16 she'd find some 'innocent' way of turning the conversation to grandkids. First I thought it was light teasing...'like how can I make my kids most uncomfortable kind of thing'. Then it was more forceful after I graduated college and some of her more irresponsible nieces/nephews started showing up with 2 or 3 kids that they could barely afford. Now I'm 29 and all I hear is - grandkids, grandkids, grandkids...

Like, I have no interest in having children just for her enjoyment. She'd see them once a month at most (I don't live anywhere near her). But it was so frustrating to hear and still is. Even before I began seriously dating, I never got a break from the constant pressure.

So what are you going to do about it? If you choose to do nothing, you forfeit your right to complain.

[Anonymous]

Just tell her calmly at the beginning of the conversation that you're going to hang up if she brings it up again. Then follow through. Repeat until she gets it.

[Anonymous]

Just tell her: mom I will not discuss my sex life with you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just tell her calmly at the beginning of the conversation that you're going to hang up if she brings it up again. Then follow through. Repeat until she gets it.

I don't know if this is something that I would just instigate. The way I grew up - a) you don't talk back to your parents, b) you don't call them by their first names, and c) you don't end a conversation (on the phone or otherwise) - they do.

[Anonymous]

Don't have children to please someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just tell her calmly at the beginning of the conversation that you're going to hang up if she brings it up again. Then follow through. Repeat until she gets it.

I don't know if this is something that I would just instigate. The way I grew up - a) you don't talk back to your parents, b) you don't call them by their first names, and c) you don't end a conversation (on the phone or otherwise) - they do.

Asserting boundaries with a parent is not talking back. Ending a conversation with someone who is willfully disrespecting you, whether that someone is a parent or not, is called setting a boundary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just tell her calmly at the beginning of the conversation that you're going to hang up if she brings it up again. Then follow through. Repeat until she gets it.

I don't know if this is something that I would just instigate. The way I grew up - a) you don't talk back to your parents, b) you don't call them by their first names, and c) you don't end a conversation (on the phone or otherwise) - they do.

Asserting boundaries with a parent is not talking back. Ending a conversation with someone who is willfully disrespecting you, whether that someone is a parent or not, is called setting a boundary.

Right. You’re a grown up now and deserve some respect as well.

Tell her to cut it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just tell her calmly at the beginning of the conversation that you're going to hang up if she brings it up again. Then follow through. Repeat until she gets it.

I don't know if this is something that I would just instigate. The way I grew up - a) you don't talk back to your parents, b) you don't call them by their first names, and c) you don't end a conversation (on the phone or otherwise) - they do.

Then you need to start UN-learning some of those bad habits, my poor little doormat.

You only have one life to live.

Are you going to let your mother run it for you?

[Anonymous]

You need to shut it down every time she brings it up. Grow a spine. You ALLOW her to do this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just tell her calmly at the beginning of the conversation that you're going to hang up if she brings it up again. Then follow through. Repeat until she gets it.

I don't know if this is something that I would just instigate. The way I grew up - a) you don't talk back to your parents, b) you don't call them by their first names, and c) you don't end a conversation (on the phone or otherwise) - they do.

Then you need to start UN-learning some of those bad habits, my poor little doormat.

You only have one life to live.

Are you going to let your mother run it for you?

Weirdly enough this makes me feel better. Like I'm not crazy or insane for wanting something else. My mother cares about me, she really does, but she is smothering.

[Anonymous]

Have her volunteer at the hospital to hold special needs babies.