Parents demanding grandchildren

[Anonymous]

I would just laugh it off, as if the idea is so ridiculous right now you know she must be joking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have her volunteer at the hospital to hold special needs babies.

Wtf?? You think parents will just let you walk in and hold their baby?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have her volunteer at the hospital to hold special needs babies.

Wtf?? You think parents will just let you walk in and hold their baby?

NP here. Yeah. There are volunteers at major hospitals in DC and elsewhere who are allowed to do this.

Most parents have to go back to work while their child is in the NICU for an extended stay.

[Anonymous]

They can demand all they want. They can’t stop you from taking birth control or your husband from pulling out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just tell her calmly at the beginning of the conversation that you're going to hang up if she brings it up again. Then follow through. Repeat until she gets it.

I don't know if this is something that I would just instigate. The way I grew up - a) you don't talk back to your parents, b) you don't call them by their first names, and c) you don't end a conversation (on the phone or otherwise) - they do.

No wonder she treats you like crap, you are a wimp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have her volunteer at the hospital to hold special needs babies.

Wtf?? You think parents will just let you walk in and hold their baby?

NP here. Yeah. There are volunteers at major hospitals in DC and elsewhere who are allowed to do this.

Most parents have to go back to work while their child is in the NICU for an extended stay.

Thank god I live in Canada with one year mat leaves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just tell her calmly at the beginning of the conversation that you're going to hang up if she brings it up again. Then follow through. Repeat until she gets it.

I don't know if this is something that I would just instigate. The way I grew up - a) you don't talk back to your parents, b) you don't call them by their first names, and c) you don't end a conversation (on the phone or otherwise) - they do.

Then you need to start UN-learning some of those bad habits, my poor little doormat.

You only have one life to live.

Are you going to let your mother run it for you?

Weirdly enough this makes me feel better. Like I'm not crazy or insane for wanting something else. My mother cares about me, she really does, but she is smothering.

I know it makes you feel better, I have the same mother
Don't let her love for you guilt you into doing her bidding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have her volunteer at the hospital to hold special needs babies.

Wtf?? You think parents will just let you walk in and hold their baby?

NP here. Yeah. There are volunteers at major hospitals in DC and elsewhere who are allowed to do this.

Most parents have to go back to work while their child is in the NICU for an extended stay.

I just saw a video about this. Some hospitals have volunteer programs so that someone can hold the babies in the NICU during the day. Parents may have to return to work, they may have other kids to take care of, they may live too far away from the hospital, etc. So older people come in and hold the babies. I think it's great! It's nice for the older people, and the babies get more snuggles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She wants you to have grandkids out of wedlock?

I don't know what she wants. Ever since I was 16 she'd find some 'innocent' way of turning the conversation to grandkids. First I thought it was light teasing...'like how can I make my kids most uncomfortable kind of thing'. Then it was more forceful after I graduated college and some of her more irresponsible nieces/nephews started showing up with 2 or 3 kids that they could barely afford. Now I'm 29 and all I hear is - grandkids, grandkids, grandkids...

Like, I have no interest in having children just for her enjoyment. She'd see them once a month at most (I don't live anywhere near her). But it was so frustrating to hear and still is. Even before I began seriously dating, I never got a break from the constant pressure.

OP: that is not normal.

Can you talk with your dad and ask him to intervene? I'm another who thinks you will need to take a tough stance to break her of the habit. What happens if you can't have children?

[Anonymous]

"We'll be sure to let you know when we get started! Until then, no need to follow up."

[Anonymous]

I snapped at my mom one day, told her I'm not a baby factory and did not want to hear talk of it anymore. It did stop, but your mom sounds worse.

[Anonymous]

My daughter's grandmother is like this. My daughter is 14. She encourages my daughter to wear cut-off jean shorts and crop tops and push ups and to get a boyfriend. She believes the way a woman is successful is to land a man who will support you.

Luckily DD is very confident in her decisions and ignores Grandma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just tell her calmly at the beginning of the conversation that you're going to hang up if she brings it up again. Then follow through. Repeat until she gets it.

I don't know if this is something that I would just instigate. The way I grew up - a) you don't talk back to your parents, b) you don't call them by their first names, and c) you don't end a conversation (on the phone or otherwise) - they do.

By chance your family migrated from elsewhere? This sounds like the norm in some cultures, but not the norm in the U.S.

FWIW, my parents came from a similar culture and their demand that I have children almost wrecked our relationship. I tried distancing myself, be assertive, changing the subject, right out lies, etc. Nothing would deter them. Then the guilt makes me doubt myself and I soften in my resolve toward them. Rinse and repeat. It's very difficult to unlearn from your upbringing. The best to do is to tune her out and do what's best for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just tell her calmly at the beginning of the conversation that you're going to hang up if she brings it up again. Then follow through. Repeat until she gets it.

I don't know if this is something that I would just instigate. The way I grew up - a) you don't talk back to your parents, b) you don't call them by their first names, and c) you don't end a conversation (on the phone or otherwise) - they do.

If you parents immigrated here from someplace else, you need to tell them that it's an all or nothing deal. The economic success that they sought by coming here stems from a high quality labor model. Couples have a small number of children in which they invest heavily, and they don't have kids until they are able to pay for preschool , a house in a decent district, and college. These expenditures require a decent income, which most households need two salaries to obtain.

You don't get prosperity when most of your households have lots of kids, young mothers, one salary households, etc. Those days left when farms became able to supply the nations foods with 1% of the labor supply, freeing other people to do something more productive that requires more training. You don't get to have American prosperity but keep the ways of the old country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just tell her calmly at the beginning of the conversation that you're going to hang up if she brings it up again. Then follow through. Repeat until she gets it.

I don't know if this is something that I would just instigate. The way I grew up - a) you don't talk back to your parents, b) you don't call them by their first names, and c) you don't end a conversation (on the phone or otherwise) - they do.

No wonder she treats you like crap, you are a wimp.

She was raised by a bully to be a doormat.

You might want to talk to a therapist. You need to learn to set healthy boundaries, OP. You are an adult now.