Coworkers starting affairs
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Anonymous
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I'm an early 30s successful male medical professional. I have a younger (early 20s) and very attractive female coworker that has explicitly propositioned me outside of work. My wife and I are swingers (originally unbeknownst to cowowrker) and DW is mutually interested in her. The cowowrker is in a long term relationship, not marrried, and does not have permission. The risks are obviously many- my job, her SO finding out, my community finding out, and the usual list of sexual risks.
The bulk of me wants it Bad enough to take the risks (as these things tend to make you) but I really dislike that she doesn't have permission more than any of the other risks. My wife says go for it and wants to be involved at some point. After being explicitly approached I told the other woman my situation/relationship and she was of course surprised that we were down but that she isn't into other women. I plainly stated that I'm uncomfortable with her not having permission to play. She said there is no chance of her getting it and she doesn't care to. Never in my life did I think this would happen! Not necessarily asking for advice as we all know the brutality of such threads but will see what others say about their sexy coworkers. |
Anonymous
| That's interesting. So how did it go down? Where you coming off a shift and going for drinks and one thing led to another? She stop you in a parking lot and propositioned you? I'm just curious how one instigates a relationship with someone who is clearly already taken but hadn't expressed any interest... |
Anonymous
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She had been slightly suggestive at work with comments for the past few months. For instance, I've talked about moving to another state for work and she would say that I couldn't go unless she came too. I'd reply jokingly with a small tone of suggestion "What use what I have for you?!" On at least 5-10 occasions she had said something about going with me here or there to something utside of work and I'd say "I don't think ----name of her SO---- would like that." Her reply would be "What he doesn't know won't hurt him."
She took it up a notch a few weeks ago when she walked in from the rain about a month ago and said to me as I looked towards her "You made me wet!" Nobody was around in earshot but I said in a hushed voice "Youre going to get me in trouble at work!" That then led to several occasions of her saying that she could be trusted and she's not like most other women that we work with and that she's very good at keeping secrets. Fast forward to yesterday. My wife is out of town for the past few days with the kids with her family. I joked with a male colleague in front of coworker that he and I could hit up the bar and pick up ladies. Completely joking with no suggestion that we'd actually do that. She asks what I really was going to do with my wife out of town. I said that when my wife is out of town I usually do a four letter word that starts with "F" and she quietly blurts out "F--k!" I laughed and quickly said "no! Food! I usually go get take out at my favorite restaurant." This isn't uncommon type of talk/joking in our office which is mostly female (they are actually consistently worse than myself and the male colleague). She again says "take me with you" because her SO is out of town until late and she'll be alone for most of her birthday. I dismiss it as not an option. I message her to say happy birthday (this past evening, the night of this original post). She asks what I was doing and tells me that she can't believe I didn't ask to take her since she's alone and that what he doesn't know won't hurt him. Saying that I don't like secrets is met with her defending herself that she can keep a secret and that she is also "very good at other things." Then immediately says that she wishes she was at my house. I told her that she doesn't have permission from her SO to being doing this and she again said he will never know. She then becomes overtly explicit and states what she wants. Having laid it all on the table she said that if I didn't want to do this that at least she offered. I came clean in saying that I was interested and that my wife was actually interested too. She didn't get it so explained that we don't keep secrets in our relationship, that my wife is very bi, and that I had permission to go solo with her if she'd join us for WMW another time. She was completely surprised and doubled down on being explicit and that he would never know. I left it at the rules that my wife and I have and said I'm going to have think about the fact that she's going behind her SO in doing this but that in no way was to diminish the interest or opportunity. and has also brushed into me quite a few times that was more than what should have been accidental. (We sometimes work in close quarters.) |
Anonymous
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She does not want to do anything with your and your wife. Just you.
Actually, you are respecting your relationship by sticking to the rules that you and your wife laid down. Sure, you can swing but you all get to join in on the fun. Nothing on the side or secret. This coworker of yours is trying to get you to break those rules. Probably some bizarre and frankly off-putting ego boost to cheat on her boyfriend, get you in bed and then leave your wife on the sidelines. She may be a hot 20-something but her insistence on sexual flirting and pushing you to cheat are major red flags. Frankly, it's so very risky to screw with crazy. Especially with a younger co-worker. I'd leave this one alone. |
Anonymous
| Don’t shit where you eat. |
Anonymous
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1) if part of your value system is being honest and having partners that are honest, then she isn't a candidate.
2) if part of your agreement with DH is a WMW encounter, then she isn't a candidate. This only works if you go against your value system AND DH is okay with you only having solo sessions with coworker. |
Anonymous
Haven't talked to my wife about yesterday yet- she will read the conversation when she gets back today. She has prior said that if the opportunity arose that I could go solo but that she would love to watch. Bi-play is not a stipulation for her but is a plus. Honesty and value is definitely what it boils down to here. I have already crossed a big line to express my/our interest. I have never cheated on my wife or anyone else I'd ever been with but to me I feel like being the "other guy" may be equally as bad. |
Anonymous
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The not informing her partner + coworker is a deal breaker.
I think there are pretty strong odds that he will find out and try and confront you in an embarrassing way at work. Also her whole approach just screams "I love drama." I worked in a workplace where someone's spurned significant other sent out an email to the whole company saying they were having an affair with a coworker. Reflected very poorly on all parties. There's no way this woman is alluring enough to justify the risk. Hard pass. |
Anonymous
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Coworkers are a NO. Her cheating is a NO.
I knew someone like her and she accused the guy of raping her when her boyfriend caught them...in other words she's straight up CRAZY. She is hunting you and when you don't do exactly what she wants she will ruin your life. |
Anonymous
+1 stay away ftom crazy |
Anonymous
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Other than cheating, I have not seen any other signs of crazy....which as everyone has already said is enough to turn and run. I know all the risks and possibilities so am definitely not rushing into anything and will see what my other half thinks.
If it weren't for this actually happening to me (and DCUM) I would have never believed that this stuff actually happens. |
Anonymous
this |
Anonymous
| She sounds really thirsty and pressed. But if you like it, okay. I don't think it's worth all he hassle at work, but you're going to do what you want to do anyway. |
Anonymous
| Don't get involved with someone from work. |
Anonymous
| Op, I got gay vibes, are you? |