DH thinks excessive TV time is "bonding"

[Anonymous]

During an “argument” between DH and I today, I brought up how he interacts with our almost 2 yo DS. We weren’t raising our voices, but the conversation was still tense.

Basically, anytime I leave them alone together DH turns the TV on to kids shows while he plays on his phone. I told him that I wanted him to interact with DC and do more with him. I don’t care what they do (go outside, play in the nursery, go to a park for 20 minutes) but it would be nice to see them do something other than watch the TV.

He already doesn’t see DS that much. During the work week it’s only a half hour in the morning and evenings. On the weekends I take a few hours to catch up on work at the library. DH likes this arrangement, it’s a good opportunity for him to send time with DS.

It was surprising when DH became defensive about the screen time. Had an objection to every activity I brought up. Most of them surrounding how difficult it is to interact with a toddler, so what’s the point. He feels justified in his current parenting pattern and furthermore feels I am trying to control their relationship.


I’m flabbergasted. To me, it is obvious that children should have more interaction from their parents than this. And DH has always been a good man, so his reaction really surprised me. I was expecting him to acknowledge the excessive TV time and offer to do something with him in the near future.

I need some perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:During an “argument” between DH and I today, I brought up how he interacts with our almost 2 yo DS. We weren’t raising our voices, but the conversation was still tense.

Basically, anytime I leave them alone together DH turns the TV on to kids shows while he plays on his phone. I told him that I wanted him to interact with DC and do more with him. I don’t care what they do (go outside, play in the nursery, go to a park for 20 minutes) but it would be nice to see them do something other than watch the TV.

He already doesn’t see DS that much. During the work week it’s only a half hour in the morning and evenings. On the weekends I take a few hours to catch up on work at the library. DH likes this arrangement, it’s a good opportunity for him to send time with DS.

It was surprising when DH became defensive about the screen time. Had an objection to every activity I brought up. Most of them surrounding how difficult it is to interact with a toddler, so what’s the point. He feels justified in his current parenting pattern and furthermore feels I am trying to control their relationship.


I’m flabbergasted. To me, it is obvious that children should have more interaction from their parents than this. And DH has always been a good man, so his reaction really surprised me. I was expecting him to acknowledge the excessive TV time and offer to do something with him in the near future.

I need some perspective.

I hear you OP. My husband has these tendencies too. I hate his phone! When my older DD was a baby up to 2 years old he would show her videos on his phone most of the time they were together (which was not much to begin with). We argued a lot about this. Now we have another kid and neither child ever uses cellphones or iPads... just a little tv at night. I think playing with a toddler is a lot of work and often boring. I told my husband that if he did not teach our kids how to ride bikes, scooters etc, they will neve rallegra learn and maybe my dad will have to teach them. He has been much better about interacting with our kids. He takes them to the coffee shop every sat and sun. I think also helps that because his first language is not English, the kids will
Only speak his native language if he speaks to them. That’s important to him and tht’s Also why he is making an effort

[Anonymous]

You told your DH he was a shitty parent, and you are amazed that he got mad?

Sign your DS up for a Saturday class and have your DH take him, and then leave it alone.

[Anonymous]

2 is too young. But I LOVED watching shows like Star atrek wih my dad. We'd have huge conversations about them.

I was 6 or 7. And no, my dad did not play with me otherwise....so maybe that matters.

[Anonymous]

Does your husband have any chores/projects/hobbies that he could involve your child in at some level?

I am not good at playing with toddlers either, but mine enjoy spraying the tub with vinegar while I clean the bathroom, kicking leaves around while I rake leaves, etc. A lot of friends still use the jogging stroller at this age because they like to run, and the kids don't mind the stroller.

[Anonymous]

He's probably tired and wants to unwind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You told your DH he was a shitty parent, and you are amazed that he got mad?

Sign your DS up for a Saturday class and have your DH take him, and then leave it alone.

This. You told him to he's ignoring his kid and then ran through a list of "mom-approved" interactions he should be having instead, turning yourself into the parenting police. You could've just said you've read 2 y/o should have limited screen time, or we're running out of nice playground weather, but instead you told him he's a crap father with the attitude that you've been observing his poor parenting for long enough and now you're fed up.

I'm flabbergasted that you thought you'd get any other reaction.

[Anonymous]

We have the same situation, but DS loves watching kids shows on the couch with DH while he plays on his phone. It's not my idea of bonding but I don't micromanage their relationship. It's his kid too.

[Anonymous]

My DH did this with our older son, too. It was awful. In our case, our son ended up with severe ADD which the specialists said excessive TV caused.

DH learned his lesson but at our older son's expense. It still pisses me off.

I should have insisted that they take a music class or gym class together on Saturday mornings since he was incapable of playing with his son on his own.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is being a shitty parent by parking your toddler in front of the TV. Why mince words?

[Anonymous]

The excuses for men here are outrageous and depressing in their predictability .

Let's see if I can get them all in before more similarly-minded posters come along.

-Men, unlike women, need to unwind. Cut him some slack.

-Kids are just kind of boring (only to men, apparently) until they're like 2. Wait, no-- 4. Wait, no-- 6. Wait, no--

-This is the way men bond, by ignoring their kids. Women like to woman-y things like speak to their children, do chores with their children, interact with or at least do some sort of parallel work in the vicinity of their children. Having reasonably similar expectations of poor, stupid, clueless men is misandry!

-If you have a problem with anything Dad does, you are a Micromanaging Harpy. Also selfish and ungrateful.

-I mean, what did your father even do? How about your grandfather? At least your husband probably knows the kid's name, unlike every one of his male ancestors, who used their children as footstools and martini-bringers. You don't know how good you have it.

-I'm going to assume facts to in evidence by pretending this is only a small part of their time together (even though you said it's almost all of their time) and go off on a tangent about moderation.

-I personally have fond memories of doing this with my dad, albeit at a much older age, which makes it totally fine.

-You probably used a "tone" in speaking to him, so you deserve whatever you get in response. Unlike a woman would, he now has every right to take his ball and storm off in a huff. If he doesn't speak to his child again for the next 16 years, well, you both deserve it, you Micromanaging Harpy.

-Women these days blah blah blah.

Have I about covered it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH did this with our older son, too. It was awful. In our case, our son ended up with severe ADD which the specialists said excessive TV caused.

DH learned his lesson but at our older son's expense. It still pisses me off.

I should have insisted that they take a music class or gym class together on Saturday mornings since he was incapable of playing with his son on his own.

Your specialist said no such thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The excuses for men here are outrageous and depressing in their predictability .

Let's see if I can get them all in before more similarly-minded posters come along.

-Men, unlike women, need to unwind. Cut him some slack.

-Kids are just kind of boring (only to men, apparently) until they're like 2. Wait, no-- 4. Wait, no-- 6. Wait, no--

-This is the way men bond, by ignoring their kids. Women like to woman-y things like speak to their children, do chores with their children, interact with or at least do some sort of parallel work in the vicinity of their children. Having reasonably similar expectations of poor, stupid, clueless men is misandry!

-If you have a problem with anything Dad does, you are a Micromanaging Harpy. Also selfish and ungrateful.

-I mean, what did your father even do? How about your grandfather? At least your husband probably knows the kid's name, unlike every one of his male ancestors, who used their children as footstools and martini-bringers. You don't know how good you have it.

-I'm going to assume facts to in evidence by pretending this is only a small part of their time together (even though you said it's almost all of their time) and go off on a tangent about moderation.

-I personally have fond memories of doing this with my dad, albeit at a much older age, which makes it totally fine.

-You probably used a "tone" in speaking to him, so you deserve whatever you get in response. Unlike a woman would, he now has every right to take his ball and storm off in a huff. If he doesn't speak to his child again for the next 16 years, well, you both deserve it, you Micromanaging Harpy.

-Women these days blah blah blah.

Have I about covered it?

OP's husband needs to step up his game, and OP also needs to learn to communicate. How is the kid 2 years old and they've never had a conversation about what they, as a family, think is an acceptable amount of screen time? Just a strange dynamic all around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:During an “argument” between DH and I today, I brought up how he interacts with our almost 2 yo DS. We weren’t raising our voices, but the conversation was still tense.

Basically, anytime I leave them alone together DH turns the TV on to kids shows while he plays on his phone. I told him that I wanted him to interact with DC and do more with him. I don’t care what they do (go outside, play in the nursery, go to a park for 20 minutes) but it would be nice to see them do something other than watch the TV.

He already doesn’t see DS that much. During the work week it’s only a half hour in the morning and evenings. On the weekends I take a few hours to catch up on work at the library. DH likes this arrangement, it’s a good opportunity for him to send time with DS.

It was surprising when DH became defensive about the screen time. Had an objection to every activity I brought up. Most of them surrounding how difficult it is to interact with a toddler, so what’s the point. He feels justified in his current parenting pattern and furthermore feels I am trying to control their relationship.


I’m flabbergasted. To me, it is obvious that children should have more interaction from their parents than this. And DH has always been a good man, so his reaction really surprised me. I was expecting him to acknowledge the excessive TV time and offer to do something with him in the near future.

I need some perspective.

So you were having a discusssion about an unrelated matter. You were upset that you weren't going to win the debat and decided to attack your DH and tell him he was a terrible parent so you could feel better.

Here's your perspective , if you don't learn to communicate better and you will be seeing your toddler 50% of the time and have zero say over what happens during that time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The excuses for men here are outrageous and depressing in their predictability .

Let's see if I can get them all in before more similarly-minded posters come along.

-Men, unlike women, need to unwind. Cut him some slack.

-Kids are just kind of boring (only to men, apparently) until they're like 2. Wait, no-- 4. Wait, no-- 6. Wait, no--

-This is the way men bond, by ignoring their kids. Women like to woman-y things like speak to their children, do chores with their children, interact with or at least do some sort of parallel work in the vicinity of their children. Having reasonably similar expectations of poor, stupid, clueless men is misandry!

-If you have a problem with anything Dad does, you are a Micromanaging Harpy. Also selfish and ungrateful.

-I mean, what did your father even do? How about your grandfather? At least your husband probably knows the kid's name, unlike every one of his male ancestors, who used their children as footstools and martini-bringers. You don't know how good you have it.

-I'm going to assume facts to in evidence by pretending this is only a small part of their time together (even though you said it's almost all of their time) and go off on a tangent about moderation.

-I personally have fond memories of doing this with my dad, albeit at a much older age, which makes it totally fine.

-You probably used a "tone" in speaking to him, so you deserve whatever you get in response. Unlike a woman would, he now has every right to take his ball and storm off in a huff. If he doesn't speak to his child again for the next 16 years, well, you both deserve it, you Micromanaging Harpy.

-Women these days blah blah blah.

Have I about covered it?

OP's husband needs to step up his game, and OP also needs to learn to communicate. How is the kid 2 years old and they've never had a conversation about what they, as a family, think is an acceptable amount of screen time? Just a strange dynamic all around.

Fair enough. What I don't appreciate is the usual deluge of "OMG men are just DIFFERENT lay OFF."