DH thinks excessive TV time is "bonding"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:During an “argument” between DH and I today, I brought up how he interacts with our almost 2 yo DS. We weren’t raising our voices, but the conversation was still tense.

Basically, anytime I leave them alone together DH turns the TV on to kids shows while he plays on his phone. I told him that I wanted him to interact with DC and do more with him. I don’t care what they do (go outside, play in the nursery, go to a park for 20 minutes) but it would be nice to see them do something other than watch the TV.

He already doesn’t see DS that much. During the work week it’s only a half hour in the morning and evenings. On the weekends I take a few hours to catch up on work at the library. DH likes this arrangement, it’s a good opportunity for him to send time with DS.

It was surprising when DH became defensive about the screen time. Had an objection to every activity I brought up. Most of them surrounding how difficult it is to interact with a toddler, so what’s the point. He feels justified in his current parenting pattern and furthermore feels I am trying to control their relationship.


I’m flabbergasted. To me, it is obvious that children should have more interaction from their parents than this. And DH has always been a good man, so his reaction really surprised me. I was expecting him to acknowledge the excessive TV time and offer to do something with him in the near future.

I need some perspective.

So you were having a discusssion about an unrelated matter. You were upset that you weren't going to win the debat and decided to attack your DH and tell him he was a terrible parent so you could feel better.

Here's your perspective , if you don't learn to communicate better and you will be seeing your toddler 50% of the time and have zero say over what happens during that time.

Ah, another for The List.

"Better shut up and let him do whatever he wants if you ever want to see your kid again. Uh, I mean, if you don't want to split custody."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH did this with our older son, too. It was awful. In our case, our son ended up with severe ADD which the specialists said excessive TV caused.

DH learned his lesson but at our older son's expense. It still pisses me off.

I should have insisted that they take a music class or gym class together on Saturday mornings since he was incapable of playing with his son on his own.

Your specialist said no such thing.

NP, but they probably said "correlated with." Better?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH did this with our older son, too. It was awful. In our case, our son ended up with severe ADD which the specialists said excessive TV caused.

DH learned his lesson but at our older son's expense. It still pisses me off.

I should have insisted that they take a music class or gym class together on Saturday mornings since he was incapable of playing with his son on his own.

Your specialist said no such thing.

NP, but they probably said "correlated with." Better?

Our learning specialist said that early TV definitely made my DD's ADHD worse.

[Anonymous]

No need to be flabbergasted. People are better parents at different ages. Some don't relate to small children. Nothing new here.

[Anonymous]

My dad and I would watch the national evening news together every night when I was a kid. I would ask him questions, and we had some great conversations. It's one of my best memories of him now that he's gone.

There isn't only one way to bond. Your husband is right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH did this with our older son, too. It was awful. In our case, our son ended up with severe ADD which the specialists said excessive TV caused.

DH learned his lesson but at our older son's expense. It still pisses me off.

I should have insisted that they take a music class or gym class together on Saturday mornings since he was incapable of playing with his son on his own.

Your specialist said no such thing.

I can't speak about the causes of ADD but as a speech language pathologist I can tell you that sitting on a couch on your phone while your toddler watches tv will NOT develop language skills.
Tell you DH that talking and interacting with your toddler now will help him/her forever. Just working on the lawn together or washing the car, think about the vocabulary, interaction, verbal problem solving, questions/answers, etc. This is how children are meant to learn language, not with screens and apps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH did this with our older son, too. It was awful. In our case, our son ended up with severe ADD which the specialists said excessive TV caused.

DH learned his lesson but at our older son's expense. It still pisses me off.

I should have insisted that they take a music class or gym class together on Saturday mornings since he was incapable of playing with his son on his own.

Your specialist said no such thing.

NP, but they probably said "correlated with." Better?

Our learning specialist said that early TV definitely made my DD's ADHD worse.

Saying TV makes ADHD or ADD worse is not the same is saying TV caused it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:During an “argument” between DH and I today, I brought up how he interacts with our almost 2 yo DS. We weren’t raising our voices, but the conversation was still tense.

Basically, anytime I leave them alone together DH turns the TV on to kids shows while he plays on his phone. I told him that I wanted him to interact with DC and do more with him. I don’t care what they do (go outside, play in the nursery, go to a park for 20 minutes) but it would be nice to see them do something other than watch the TV.

He already doesn’t see DS that much. During the work week it’s only a half hour in the morning and evenings. On the weekends I take a few hours to catch up on work at the library. DH likes this arrangement, it’s a good opportunity for him to send time with DS.

It was surprising when DH became defensive about the screen time. Had an objection to every activity I brought up. Most of them surrounding how difficult it is to interact with a toddler, so what’s the point. He feels justified in his current parenting pattern and furthermore feels I am trying to control their relationship.


I’m flabbergasted. To me, it is obvious that children should have more interaction from their parents than this. And DH has always been a good man, so his reaction really surprised me. I was expecting him to acknowledge the excessive TV time and offer to do something with him in the near future.

I need some perspective.

So you were having a discusssion about an unrelated matter. You were upset that you weren't going to win the debat and decided to attack your DH and tell him he was a terrible parent so you could feel better.

Here's your perspective , if you don't learn to communicate better and you will be seeing your toddler 50% of the time and have zero say over what happens during that time.

Ah, another for The List.

"Better shut up and let him do whatever he wants if you ever want to see your kid again. Uh, I mean, if you don't want to split custody."

Aw so cute! You want so badly to be the witty DCUMer that everyone likes. Too bad you're a dumbas with no comprehension.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The excuses for men here are outrageous and depressing in their predictability .

Let's see if I can get them all in before more similarly-minded posters come along.

-Men, unlike women, need to unwind. Cut him some slack.

-Kids are just kind of boring (only to men, apparently) until they're like 2. Wait, no-- 4. Wait, no-- 6. Wait, no--

-This is the way men bond, by ignoring their kids. Women like to woman-y things like speak to their children, do chores with their children, interact with or at least do some sort of parallel work in the vicinity of their children. Having reasonably similar expectations of poor, stupid, clueless men is misandry!

-If you have a problem with anything Dad does, you are a Micromanaging Harpy. Also selfish and ungrateful.

-I mean, what did your father even do? How about your grandfather? At least your husband probably knows the kid's name, unlike every one of his male ancestors, who used their children as footstools and martini-bringers. You don't know how good you have it.

-I'm going to assume facts to in evidence by pretending this is only a small part of their time together (even though you said it's almost all of their time) and go off on a tangent about moderation.

-I personally have fond memories of doing this with my dad, albeit at a much older age, which makes it totally fine.

-You probably used a "tone" in speaking to him, so you deserve whatever you get in response. Unlike a woman would, he now has every right to take his ball and storm off in a huff. If he doesn't speak to his child again for the next 16 years, well, you both deserve it, you Micromanaging Harpy.

-Women these days blah blah blah.

Have I about covered it?

OP's husband needs to step up his game, and OP also needs to learn to communicate. How is the kid 2 years old and they've never had a conversation about what they, as a family, think is an acceptable amount of screen time? Just a strange dynamic all around.

Fair enough. What I don't appreciate is the usual deluge of "OMG men are just DIFFERENT lay OFF."

This isn't about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:During an “argument” between DH and I today, I brought up how he interacts with our almost 2 yo DS. We weren’t raising our voices, but the conversation was still tense.

Basically, anytime I leave them alone together DH turns the TV on to kids shows while he plays on his phone. I told him that I wanted him to interact with DC and do more with him. I don’t care what they do (go outside, play in the nursery, go to a park for 20 minutes) but it would be nice to see them do something other than watch the TV.

He already doesn’t see DS that much. During the work week it’s only a half hour in the morning and evenings. On the weekends I take a few hours to catch up on work at the library. DH likes this arrangement, it’s a good opportunity for him to send time with DS.

It was surprising when DH became defensive about the screen time. Had an objection to every activity I brought up. Most of them surrounding how difficult it is to interact with a toddler, so what’s the point. He feels justified in his current parenting pattern and furthermore feels I am trying to control their relationship.


I’m flabbergasted. To me, it is obvious that children should have more interaction from their parents than this. And DH has always been a good man, so his reaction really surprised me. I was expecting him to acknowledge the excessive TV time and offer to do something with him in the near future.

I need some perspective.

So you were having a discusssion about an unrelated matter. You were upset that you weren't going to win the debat and decided to attack your DH and tell him he was a terrible parent so you could feel better.

Here's your perspective , if you don't learn to communicate better and you will be seeing your toddler 50% of the time and have zero say over what happens during that time.

+1M.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:During an “argument” between DH and I today, I brought up how he interacts with our almost 2 yo DS. We weren’t raising our voices, but the conversation was still tense.

Basically, anytime I leave them alone together DH turns the TV on to kids shows while he plays on his phone. I told him that I wanted him to interact with DC and do more with him. I don’t care what they do (go outside, play in the nursery, go to a park for 20 minutes) but it would be nice to see them do something other than watch the TV.

He already doesn’t see DS that much. During the work week it’s only a half hour in the morning and evenings. On the weekends I take a few hours to catch up on work at the library. DH likes this arrangement, it’s a good opportunity for him to send time with DS.

It was surprising when DH became defensive about the screen time. Had an objection to every activity I brought up. Most of them surrounding how difficult it is to interact with a toddler, so what’s the point. He feels justified in his current parenting pattern and furthermore feels I am trying to control their relationship.


I’m flabbergasted. To me, it is obvious that children should have more interaction from their parents than this. And DH has always been a good man, so his reaction really surprised me. I was expecting him to acknowledge the excessive TV time and offer to do something with him in the near future.

I need some perspective.

So you were having a discusssion about an unrelated matter. You were upset that you weren't going to win the debat and decided to attack your DH and tell him he was a terrible parent so you could feel better.

Here's your perspective , if you don't learn to communicate better and you will be seeing your toddler 50% of the time and have zero say over what happens during that time.

Ah, another for The List.

"Better shut up and let him do whatever he wants if you ever want to see your kid again. Uh, I mean, if you don't want to split custody."

Aw so cute! You want so badly to be the witty DCUMer that everyone likes. Too bad you're a dumbas with no comprehension.

It probably isn't in your best interest to call someone a dumb-ass when you cannot spell dumb-ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad and I would watch the national evening news together every night when I was a kid. I would ask him questions, and we had some great conversations. It's one of my best memories of him now that he's gone.

There isn't only one way to bond. Your husband is right.

Me too, and when I was older we’d watch baseball together because I played little league softball. To this day my dad and I text every day about current events or sports.

If your child doesn’t otherwise watch much TV, what is the big deal? Other than feeling an extreme need to control your husband’s parenting behavior?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad and I would watch the national evening news together every night when I was a kid. I would ask him questions, and we had some great conversations. It's one of my best memories of him now that he's gone.

There isn't only one way to bond. Your husband is right.

Me too, and when I was older we’d watch baseball together because I played little league softball. To this day my dad and I text every day about current events or sports.

If your child doesn’t otherwise watch much TV, what is the big deal? Other than feeling an extreme need to control your husband’s parenting behavior?

How is that the same? A toddler wouldn't benefit from these experiences the same way an older child would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH did this with our older son, too. It was awful. In our case, our son ended up with severe ADD which the specialists said excessive TV caused.

DH learned his lesson but at our older son's expense. It still pisses me off.

I should have insisted that they take a music class or gym class together on Saturday mornings since he was incapable of playing with his son on his own.

Your specialist said no such thing.

NP, but they probably said "correlated with." Better?

ADD is probably more genetic than anything TV is not going to cause it. You are very selfish to blame your husband for your child's SN. That's like saying you did something wrong in pregnancy so it is your fault. Why didn't you take your child to a music or gym class?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad and I would watch the national evening news together every night when I was a kid. I would ask him questions, and we had some great conversations. It's one of my best memories of him now that he's gone.

There isn't only one way to bond. Your husband is right.

Me too, and when I was older we’d watch baseball together because I played little league softball. To this day my dad and I text every day about current events or sports.

If your child doesn’t otherwise watch much TV, what is the big deal? Other than feeling an extreme need to control your husband’s parenting behavior?

How is that the same? A toddler wouldn't benefit from these experiences the same way an older child would.

I remember watching sports with my dad when I was a toddler. Sometimes I fell asleep beside him. There's actually a really cute picture of us napping together.