When should parents intervene in college?
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Anonymous
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I got talking with a friend today - our kids are both freshmen - about our new relationship with our kids now that they've (mostly) flown the nest. Given the cost of college today, what is the line between helicoptering and legitimate intervention at the college level?
As anyone who has been through college knows, some professors are simply incompetent or complete and total dirtbags. I'm not talking about professors who are tough and challenging, but those where no learning takes place. Or worse grading is arbitrary and capricious with no relation to the work performed. So you can stick the class out and hope you pass or drop it and spend another semester/summer retaking the class, hopefully with a decent professor. On the one side of the argument, college students are adults and should fight their own battles, and that they have to learn that sometimes life isn't fair and to deal with it. And that is a good argument. On the other side however, college has become almost prohibitively expensive. If no learning is taking place, that money is wasted and sets the student up for problems in follow on classes. If dropping adds an extra semester, that's a big cost. And of course the college has no problem encouraging kids to drop classes and add a semester or year = more money. And that sets the stage for the dilemma: As a parent you want your kids to deal with their own issues. But also as a parent (and taxpayer in the case of public colleges) you don't want to waste thousands/tens of thousands due to professor Dinghead. |
Anonymous
| Basically never. If they can't fight minimal battles like this by the time they're in college, it's long past time to learn. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
| Never say never. I would make sure to get copies of grades which now requires that your student signs some form at the college. |
Anonymous
| Rarely does 1 class, retaken, mean an extra semester ~ summer maybe. Stop the dramatics |
Anonymous
| Just how is it that you believe you could intervene. If your kid is in college, your kid is likely 18. The school isn't going to even talk to you without your kid's permission. Best you can do is to suggest ways for your kid to deal with any problems that arise. |
Anonymous
| The weirdest phrase I heard parents say was, "brought him home". "XYZ happened so we brought him home ... " |
Anonymous
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Omg I thought this thread would be about a college freshman who hasn't left her dorm room in 2 months, or a freshman frat pledge who has been in the hospital twice for alcohol poisoning.
A crappy professor? Bwahahahaha!! How are you planning on intervening, mom? |
Anonymous
+1 You've created this strawman where your child is 100% right and the professor is 100% wrong....this is rarely the case. Regardless, it's your child's responsibility to solve their own problems. Your involvement would reflect very poorly on your child. |
Anonymous
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Wow, sounds like OP had a rotten college experience!
What are you going to do, OP, complain to the professor? |
Anonymous
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Academically? Never.
The place for parents to intervene is if there are concerns about their child's mental or physical health. |
Anonymous
Yes, his. If they are mature enough to go to college, they should be dealing with this by themselves. When they get a job they will get a bad boss or two and will have to figure out how to deal with them. |
Anonymous
| Op, I realized it was part of my job to mold myself to the style of teaching. If your child thinks a grade is arbitrary, she probably isn't fully comprehending the assignments, and not paying attention to what the professor is looking for. And so it's her job to seek clarification. |
Anonymous
This. |
Anonymous
| Unless you choose community college, the competition and vetting of professors is very solid. |