When should parents intervene in college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I teach college and DO NOT under any circumstances interact with the parents of a student. My dean does not either. I don't care if you show up and sit in our office lobby, I'm not speaking to you.

I posted earlier that the Dean's office at my DCs university did talk to me when my DC was hospitalized. My DC did have to get on the phone briefly to give the Dean permission to speak with me but DC was otherwise unable to really handle it on his own (not able to do email or texts for example). The Dean was very helpful and got everything sorted with the professors. This was at a big state flagship so we were relieved that they were accommodating. Sounds like your university might have been a very different scenario!

I taught at a smaller state flagship. It was similar. Hope your child recovered. I certainly didn't discuss grades with a parent, and reported all such contacts by s parent directly to the child, by email.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I teach college and DO NOT under any circumstances interact with the parents of a student. My dean does not either. I don't care if you show up and sit in our office lobby, I'm not speaking to you.

Hmmm, what are you doing that causes so many parents to show up at college to speak with you?!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m skeptical of the parents’ source of knowledge of a “bad professor.” I’m guessing all you have is your kids’ word. Your kid has an interest in the matter, and to me would be untrustworthy (I know...”not MY Johnny!!!!!!) because if they’re doing poorly or not learning, of course they’re going to drum up some excuse as to why it isn’t your fault.

Let them figure it out. Mommy can’t save them from the world.

See - this is called manipulating people's minds to ignore your incompetence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol. My DD is better equipped to live independently than I am. When she was told she couldn't get into a much coveted high level math class as a freshman she went over her advisor's head, marched into the math office and got an override right then and there. Undergrad research as a freshman? Yep! Got that too. All on her own. Arbitrary grading by a professor teaching an intro class at grad school level? Yep! Dropped that in a heartbeat. Why? Because that's the skill she really needs to succeed. Like the song says "You've got to know when to hold them. Know when to fold 'em. Know when to walk away, and know when run..." If you didn't teach your kid to advocate for themselves, then you have to hope life's little lessons will do it for you.

Your DD is SO much smarter than everyone else's kid!! She so much better equipped to deal with life than anyone else!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you choose community college, the competition and vetting of professors is very solid.

It's actually the opposite - community college profs are often great. And if they aren't they are fired.

University professors have tenure. They cannot be fired and they are often forced to teach lower level classes against their will when they would rather be doing their own research. Incompetence and hatred for students ensues. This is the state school experience in a nutshell. If you survive the experience you are a much stronger person for it.

Those middling high cost schools such as American University are very much the opposite of this. So, if you want to save your kid from bad teachers and experiences get out your checkbook and send them there.

Otherwise tip off your kid that they should aggressively drop and add classes.

I had some of the worst and incompetent on purpose profs in the early engineering years at UMCP - it was actually abusive because young people have no say or control or choice. It's strange to take people's money and give them incompetent jerks and huge class sizes. It does teach one survival but I still resent the incompetence - it's like stealing money from the state of Maryland. If you don't want to do your job, don't draw your salary.

I agree with your account. As a grad student at a large state university, I’ve heard many professors bitch and moan about having to teach. They were outstanding researchers, stars in their fields of study, but unmotivated lousy teachers. Yes, feedback does count, so before they went up for tenure, they were super nice and lax and gave everyone As basically. To be fair, some students were entitled and unpleasant brats who would ruin teaching for anyone.

[Anonymous]

I will admit that I had my parents call to advocate for me once in college. My roommate's boyfriend had damaged our room (punched a hole in the drywall) after I had moved out for the semester. My finals were done early so I had left and flown to Europe for a summer job. The school was trying to charge me for the damage. I refused to pay and told them what my roommate had told me. I went around and around with the housing office. I refused to pay damaged for a stupid roommate that was assigned to me in the housing lottery. Eventually my parents called once and said that we weren't paying. The school dropped the charge. I didn't consider that helicoptering. It was a strategic move.

[Anonymous]

I don't think my parents knew what I was taking most semesters other than "poli sci, English, biology...." They couldn't have told you what course or professor, or my schedule, or anything. They basically monitored my stress levels via phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless you choose community college, the competition and vetting of professors is very solid.

Having been a professor at a University and a CC, I have to disagree with this wholeheartedly.

I have encountered professors who are lazy or let class go early or cancel class a lot, but I have never encountered a professor who is both that and a super tough, unfair grader. I can also honestly say that I have never seen a professor grade poorly to spite a student, or grade incorrectly due to ignorance. What I have seen is large lecture classes with maybe 3 multiple choices tests all semester where if the student does poorly on one or so-so on all, their grade is less than desirable. That's a legitimate grade though, and that is life.

Also, my chairs at a 4-year and CC WANT students to succeed. They don't want us to faux-pass everyone, but they want us to provide opportunities to succeed and in come cases, correct. This is especially encouraged at community colleges, where more students can come from challenging circumstances and extra credit is often offered.

You make this sound as if "bad" professors and unfair mysterious grading are common. They are not, and the oversight and accreditation processes that colleges are constantly going through will not tolerate these behaviors. That's not to say it never happens, but it is no more likely than having a high school teacher who is straight up out to get a good kid - weird and super unlikely, but I suppose it may happen once in a long while one time to one kid.

[Anonymous]

So, I opened this thinking it is about intervening if a college student is failing, drinking, doing drugs... DCUM never disappoints!

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]I will admit that I had my parents call to advocate for me once in college. My roommate's boyfriend had damaged our room (punched a hole in the drywall) after I had moved out for the semester. My finals were done early so I had left and flown to Europe for a summer job. The school was trying to charge me for the damage. I refused to pay and told them what my roommate had told me. I went around and around with the housing office. I refused to pay damaged for a stupid roommate that was assigned to me in the housing lottery. Eventually my parents called once and said that we weren't paying. The school dropped the charge. I didn't consider that helicoptering. It was a strategic move. [/quote]

This is different. It was technically their money.

[Anonymous]

One bad professor out of many good ones isn't worth worrying about. If they're all bad you're in the wrong college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got talking with a friend today - our kids are both freshmen - about our new relationship with our kids now that they've (mostly) flown the nest. Given the cost of college today, what is the line between helicoptering and legitimate intervention at the college level?

As anyone who has been through college knows, some professors are simply incompetent or complete and total dirtbags. I'm not talking about professors who are tough and challenging, but those where no learning takes place. Or worse grading is arbitrary and capricious with no relation to the work performed. So you can stick the class out and hope you pass or drop it and spend another semester/summer retaking the class, hopefully with a decent professor.

On the one side of the argument, college students are adults and should fight their own battles, and that they have to learn that sometimes life isn't fair and to deal with it. And that is a good argument.

On the other side however, college has become almost prohibitively expensive. If no learning is taking place, that money is wasted and sets the student up for problems in follow on classes. If dropping adds an extra semester, that's a big cost. And of course the college has no problem encouraging kids to drop classes and add a semester or year = more money.

And that sets the stage for the dilemma: As a parent you want your kids to deal with their own issues. But also as a parent (and taxpayer in the case of public colleges) you don't want to waste thousands/tens of thousands due to professor Dinghead.

The entire context of your post seems to be an issue with some professors and grading? The answer to this question is you NEVER get involved. If your child asks for advice, offer it. Otherwise, nothing.

The only time a parent gets involved in college is if the kid starts to have mental health problems or if there's substance abuse. Also, once I got mono and my mom came and got me and took me home and fed me chicken soup. That was appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Are we really having this conversation without once mentioning FERPA?

[Anonymous]

You can't intervene OP unless your children have signed away their privacy rights under FAFSA. This is the way college get around having to talk to parents. Once your kid is 18 and on campus - it's all your child's business even though you are footing the bill. If you try to contact a professor, the professor should either not respond or say that you are out of line and accoridng to FAFSA he or she can't talk to you. It was a precondition of us paying for college that both of our kids waived their FAFSA rights so we can intervene. You want to have that right especially in cases of emergency, illness, or crisis with campus or off campus police. Yes I am a lawyer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't intervene OP unless your children have signed away their privacy rights under FAFSA.

FERPA. You're not a very good lawyer.