Crazy to talk marriage after one month of dating?
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Anonymous
| Immediately this felt like a different kind of relationship, and we're not just a couple of kids (I'm 31, he's 34). We adore each other and talk about marriage, future plans, babies, etc. Is this crazy? |
Anonymous
| My ex-DH and I started talking about marriage 3 weeks into our relationship. It felt different and right. I had no doubt he was the one. It only started to feel less than wonderful after the wedding. Eventually it felt pretty dismal. Just saying. |
Anonymous
| If you're going to spend the rest your life together anyway, what's the rush? I like to get to know a person through all four seasons aka 1 yr. |
Anonymous
| It was the same with my now DH. We were together 3 years before we got engaged, but we did talk about this almost from the beginning. It's not crazy, it just means you guys are both looking for the same things in a relationship. |
Anonymous
| Nothing wrong with talking about it, what's crazy is doing it. You can wait a year or so to see if tha initial feeling is lasting or fleeting. |
Anonymous
|
Plus 1 you might just know.
On the another hand he might be manipulative and talking love and marriage to hook you in. Definitely no need to rush and it's so true that if it's going to last, what is the harm in waiting. Keep an open eye for other signs of control or pulling you away from others so you only rely on him. If he talked 'we' phrasing instantly that's a red flag. Sorry to be cynical. It's something I've had to learn the hard way. Crappy guys will do and say whatever it is you want or need to hear. Were you happy being single? If you weren't happy without a boyfriend I would be worried. Look at it analytically - what is actually different? Are you seeing it cleary? What do your friends think? |
Anonymous
| Don't do it |
Anonymous
| I thought about it (and as it turns out, so did my fiancé) a lot during the early weeks/months of dating. But I think bringing it up so early makes you sound very naive or slightly crazy. So I kept it to myself. It all worked out. I was never in a rush because I knew he was the one for me and we have our whole lives together! Been together over 3 years, getting married next year. |
Anonymous
|
I don't know.
On one hand I think it's dumb for people in their 30s to wait until they are heavily involved to discuss if they want marriage and babies etc. On the other hand,I don't think it's a good idea to make plans when you are very much in the goo-goo eyed everything is wonderful phase of a relationship. |
Anonymous
How well do you know this guy? |
Anonymous
It can be a good sign, or it can be because you're "not just a couple of kids" and you both desperately want it to work out so you can be done dating. I've seen that a lot too. Only time will tell! |
Anonymous
| Are you a lesbian OP? It happens this way with my girlfriends and their wives. |
Anonymous
sorry just saw it was he. My gay friends don't do that... |
Anonymous
| After one month it's all butterflies and fun. Of course you can talk. But it's too soon to actually know anyone. |
Anonymous
|
I don't think it's crazy at all. You can talk about whatever you want, and you can get married as soon as you want. It's a free country and there are cultures around the world where people do not prolong courtship and you know what? The marriages in those cultures are not necessarily worse than ours.
HOWEVER, I would make sure that I had seen and reviewed the following: Are your financial strategies compatible? Is he generous with money, stingy, etc? You would need to get to know his family, and I would have to meet most family members in the area as well as getting to know his immediate family. I would want to know about anything dark in the family's past (diseases, abuse, depression, suicides, etc.). You would have to talk about kids and child-rearing. You would have to see how he keeps his home. Is he neat? Messy? Is he handy? Does he like learning how to fix things in his home? I would want to see how he handles a stressful situation at work. Does he bring his work home with him? Does he get snippy with you after a bad day at work? Do you have any activities you like to do together? I would do at least one trip or vacation together. How someone behaves on vacation says a lot about them. Are your views on religion compatible? That's a minimal list and he could still turn out to be crappy. YMMV. My cousin married a man at 36 who told her everything she wanted to hear and he turned out to be a monster and they're divorced now. So it doesn't matter that you're old. I got married at 23 and am still happily married 10 years later. |