Crazy to talk marriage after one month of dating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Immediately this felt like a different kind of relationship, and we're not just a couple of kids (I'm 31, he's 34). We adore each other and talk about marriage, future plans, babies, etc. Is this crazy?

Watch Anna and her "prince" in Frozen...lol Talk is fine but, would not plan wedding anytime soon. You barely know him! Also, you are not old so take your time and really get to know him.

[Anonymous]

Plus 1 you might just know.

On the another hand he might be manipulative and talking love and marriage to hook you in. Definitely no need to rush and it's so true that if it's going to last, what is the harm in waiting. Keep an open eye for other signs of control or pulling you away from others so you only rely on him. If he talked 'we' phrasing instantly that's a red flag.

Sorry to be cynical. It's something I've had to learn the hard way. Crappy guys will do and say whatever it is you want or need to hear. Were you happy being single? If you weren't happy without a boyfriend I would be worried. Look at it analytically - what is actually different? Are you seeing it cleary? What do your friends think?

+1

[Anonymous]

Yes this is insane. You need to live more life with him. At least a year, preferably two imo. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

You guys sound hormonal. Relax.

[Anonymous]

Your clock is ticking you don't want to have kids later than 36

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Plus 1 you might just know.

On the another hand he might be manipulative and talking love and marriage to hook you in. Definitely no need to rush and it's so true that if it's going to last, what is the harm in waiting. Keep an open eye for other signs of control or pulling you away from others so you only rely on him. If he talked 'we' phrasing instantly that's a red flag.

Sorry to be cynical. It's something I've had to learn the hard way. Crappy guys will do and say whatever it is you want or need to hear. Were you happy being single? If you weren't happy without a boyfriend I would be worried. Look at it analytically - what is actually different? Are you seeing it cleary? What do your friends think?

+1

+2. This is how my relationship with my abusive STBX began.

[Anonymous]

Be careful. Best to wait until the sex haze wears off a bit before making major life decisions. Make sure you have confirmation from his friends and family that he is who he says he is, a good guy etc.

[Anonymous]

When I was 18 I dated a guy for three months and then he asked me to marry him. We hadn't discussed it before that. I said yes and two weeks later we got married (in a church). We were married for 25 years, it was a very good marriage. So, there are no hard and fast rules.

[Anonymous]

he wants anal, just sayin'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was 18 I dated a guy for three months and then he asked me to marry him. We hadn't discussed it before that. I said yes and two weeks later we got married (in a church). We were married for 25 years, it was a very good marriage. So, there are no hard and fast rules.

What happened?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex-DH and I started talking about marriage 3 weeks into our relationship. It felt different and right. I had no doubt he was the one. It only started to feel less than wonderful after the wedding. Eventually it felt pretty dismal. Just saying.

This was my experience with my XH as well.

In the decade since we divorced, I know he's had an large number of relationships in which marriage was discussed very early because he announced engagements to three of these women before six weeks of dating and actually started to live with his current STBXW before 2 months of dating had elapsed. I think he sincerely feels these great sweeping passions initially, but cannot sustain them.

In contrast, I dated my current DH for 4 years before ever discussing marriage. It was a short discussion. The timeline worked for me.

[Anonymous]

Through hard life experience-- the guys I've met who are talking marriage after a month have turned out to be narcissists. Incredibly charming at first- you fall head over heels for them. Be careful.

[Anonymous]

My DH and I married after 4 months of dating, and 6 months of knowing each other. That was 16 yrs ago

[Anonymous]

You cannot know someone's true character after so little time, especially when they are smitten with you and wanting to bend over backwards to please you. The feeling that you "just know" and truly connect to and understand this person is all part and parcel of infatuation. We've all experienced it, it's normal, and many people go through this intense feeling of having found the one earlier in life. But most of those relationships fall apart prior to marriage.

Look, this could lead to a long, happy marriage. It could also end very badly after you entwine your life with this man and feel trapped once the character flaws and incompatibilities come to a head. I've never been in an abusive relationship, but I spent my twenties falling hard and fast for several men who weren't right for me in the end - but for the first six months or so I would have sworn I found my true love. My last relationship before I met my now-husband was a wake up call. I was so, so fortunate to be older, wiser, and able to spot the controlling tendencies and grooming for abuse. Like most of my previous relationships, it started with getting serious too fast, talking marriage and babies. Then he started to act entitled to my time, attention, money, and input in my decision making. I wasn't "allowed" to be in the same place with a former colleague whom I had briefly dated years earlier. He sulked and pouted in social situations when I wasn't paying him enough attention. He followed me home after I left a social event angry at him. He sulked and pouted that my birthday gift to him was stingy. He came to the home I shared with roommates one night after being out with his friends and started cooking himself a meal in our kitchen without asking. I was so fortunate to be able to end it with him - and I continued to get texts months later alternately berating me and saying "I love you".

You need to let this relationship unfold naturally. Take a step back. Be wary. If it's right, it will be right two years from now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Immediately this felt like a different kind of relationship, and we're not just a couple of kids (I'm 31, he's 34). We adore each other and talk about marriage, future plans, babies, etc. Is this crazy?

My husband and I did. Maybe within 2 months......got married after knowing each other 14 months. We were older, too. Older than you.

We've been married 17 years now. If you really are on the same page about the big things in life, and you feel you have a healthy, mature relationship, I think you have a good shot at long-term happiness. One of the benefits of being in a relationship while older is that you know yourself much better, and you feel more secure in your needs and wants and goals.