Substitute teacher at DD's MS asks "Why?" when she says she needs to go to the bathroom.

[Anonymous]

I was appalled when my daughter told me this. The sub is a male and he's been there a couple of times since the start of the year. She asks him if she can use the bathroom, and he replies, "Why?" Not only is this incredibly inappropriate, it's also flat-out unacceptable. She said she just sort of stammered an answer the first time he asked, then the next time he asked (about a week later), she stared at him until he let her go. Now she's afraid to ask him at all.

I want to email the principal and tell her this has got to stop. No teacher should be interrogating any student (regardless of gender) as to "why" they need to use the bathroom. But my daughter doesn't want me to get involved. She's worried the principal will call her to the office for a chat.

The whole thing makes my skin crawl. Any advice?

[Anonymous]

By MS, I would expect a student to handle this themselves. Either answering, "because I have to use the bathroom", or talking to her counselor if she was really uncomfortable.

I really don't think it's a big deal though. Having to leave the same class twice in a week is a lot. Our school gives 2 hall passes per class, per quarter. Id raise my eyes at a kid going that often.

[Anonymous]

"Because I need to urinate."

"Because I need to defecate."

"Because the exigencies of menstrual cycle require it." (practice exigency beforehand for clear enunciation)

Follow up with -

"Why do you ask, Sir? Do you do something else in the bathroom?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By MS, I would expect a student to handle this themselves. Either answering, "because I have to use the bathroom", or talking to her counselor if she was really uncomfortable.

I really don't think it's a big deal though. Having to leave the same class twice in a week is a lot. Our school gives 2 hall passes per class, per quarter. Id raise my eyes at a kid going that often.

That here is abusive. Just because other schools treat human children like dirt doesn't mean others should do the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By MS, I would expect a student to handle this themselves. Either answering, "because I have to use the bathroom", or talking to her counselor if she was really uncomfortable.

I really don't think it's a big deal though. Having to leave the same class twice in a week is a lot. Our school gives 2 hall passes per class, per quarter. Id raise my eyes at a kid going that often.

That here is abusive. Just because other schools treat human children like dirt doesn't mean others should do the same.

Agree.

[Anonymous]

Wonder if she asked to go to the bathroom or asked for a hall pass. Sounds odd to me. Or, maybe asked to be excused?

I was a teacher and I had a colleague who had a first grader who raised her hand and asked if she could go "urinate". Yes. Apparently, she had a very modern mom---and this was years ago. We were all quite shocked when she shared that.

[Anonymous]

If this is true, the teacher is obviously a creep. I would make VERY sure it's true before making an issue though, because it's frankly bizarre. He says this in front of other MS-ers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this is true, the teacher is obviously a creep. I would make VERY sure it's true before making an issue though, because it's frankly bizarre. He says this in front of other MS-ers?

I'm skeptical, as well.

[Anonymous]

By MS kids can hold it. Your DD probabaly asks each day. It is what a 40 minute class?

[Anonymous]

Out teachers are very stressed. They have too many students. They have too many requirements foisted upon them by you parents via the district and the state legislature. Teachers have to take time off to do all this PD. They also take time off because they get sick too often (you know, parents ignoring advice and sending sick kids to school, treating the place like their personal daycare center?)

If you don't want inexperienced subs teaching your kids, then I suggest that you stop rolling out the welcome mat in Northern Virginia and/or you prepare to pay a lot more in taxes because teachers are severely understaffed.

- signed, public school teacher in a Northern Virginia school

[Anonymous]

I've asked questions similar to that.

When a kid comes in to my classroom at lunch, and then asks to leave 3 minutes after the bell to use the restroom, I might say "Is this an emergency? Is there a reason why you couldn't have taken care of this at lunch?" Sometimes there is, and the kid will say "the line for the cafeteria was very long, or I had an appointment with college counseling". I won't ask this if I see a kid is distressed (wiggling, uncomfortable look on their face) or if I can tell there's a reason (e.g. I have a kid who needs to pee every time she laughs. I know that, so if we're laughing in class and she needs to go I say yes immediately).

I've also told students "Of course, but leave your phone with me." It's amazing how many kids who have urgent needs suddenly sit back down and say "never mind". So, while I don't ask "why" up front, the question is definitely in the back of my mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've asked questions similar to that.

When a kid comes in to my classroom at lunch, and then asks to leave 3 minutes after the bell to use the restroom, I might say "Is this an emergency? Is there a reason why you couldn't have taken care of this at lunch?" Sometimes there is, and the kid will say "the line for the cafeteria was very long, or I had an appointment with college counseling". I won't ask this if I see a kid is distressed (wiggling, uncomfortable look on their face) or if I can tell there's a reason (e.g. I have a kid who needs to pee every time she laughs. I know that, so if we're laughing in class and she needs to go I say yes immediately).

I've also told students "Of course, but leave your phone with me." It's amazing how many kids who have urgent needs suddenly sit back down and say "never mind". So, while I don't ask "why" up front, the question is definitely in the back of my mind.

Thanks. Parents always need to consider the "other" side of the story.

Love the hostage phone.

Kind of like when DS wanted to stay home from school sick. I always said, "fine, now go back to bed and sleep or read." No tv, no screens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've asked questions similar to that.

When a kid comes in to my classroom at lunch, and then asks to leave 3 minutes after the bell to use the restroom, I might say "Is this an emergency? Is there a reason why you couldn't have taken care of this at lunch?" Sometimes there is, and the kid will say "the line for the cafeteria was very long, or I had an appointment with college counseling". I won't ask this if I see a kid is distressed (wiggling, uncomfortable look on their face) or if I can tell there's a reason (e.g. I have a kid who needs to pee every time she laughs. I know that, so if we're laughing in class and she needs to go I say yes immediately).

I've also told students "Of course, but leave your phone with me." It's amazing how many kids who have urgent needs suddenly sit back down and say "never mind". So, while I don't ask "why" up front, the question is definitely in the back of my mind.

Thanks. Parents always need to consider the "other" side of the story.

Love the hostage phone.

Kind of like when DS wanted to stay home from school sick. I always said, "fine, now go back to bed and sleep or read." No tv, no screens.

forgot the rest--he always chose to go to school. Almost perfect attendance.

[Anonymous]

Let it go. It was a substitute and you may never see him again. I doubt the conversation was exactly like that.

You would be surprised how many times they ask to use the bathroom with 1 minute left in class or more commonly, when friends are obviously waiting by the door. I've asked it is an emergency and if it is I always say yes. Sometimes the same kids ask to go multiple times every class, especially during the lunch block while their friends are in the cafeteria.

[Anonymous]

^ and I agree with asking them to leave their phone. This stops a lot of urgent bathroom trips.