Substitute teacher at DD's MS asks "Why?" when she says she needs to go to the bathroom.

[Anonymous]

NP here, MS teacher.

I have actually gotten in trouble from my AP for letting too many students go to the bathroom during the same class period (She observed this when in my classroom once).

Unfortunately, for every kid that actually needs to go, there are others that are trying to get out of class, trying to meet up with friends to goof off in the bathroom, etc. Schools are very short-staffed and don't have people to police the halls and bathrooms during class time. We are told to encourage students to go at the beginning of the school day, again at lunch, and then before leaving school for the day.

I do have a policy of not letting students go during the first few minutes of a class. This is so that they hear all the instructions for the day. If there is an emergency, of course, I always let students go. There are some students with medical conditions that require more bathroom visits, and I pull them aside and tell them to just go any time they need to to avoid embarrassment.

I would never ask a student why they need to go. I cannot understand why the sub would ask this--sounds like they were being sarcastic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was appalled when my daughter told me this. The sub is a male and he's been there a couple of times since the start of the year. She asks him if she can use the bathroom, and he replies, "Why?" Not only is this incredibly inappropriate, it's also flat-out unacceptable. She said she just sort of stammered an answer the first time he asked, then the next time he asked (about a week later), she stared at him until he let her go. Now she's afraid to ask him at all.

I want to email the principal and tell her this has got to stop. No teacher should be interrogating any student (regardless of gender) as to "why" they need to use the bathroom. But my daughter doesn't want me to get involved. She's worried the principal will call her to the office for a chat.

The whole thing makes my skin crawl. Any advice?

Maybe he thought your little princess should have gone between classes, rather than during class time. Sorry I am sure your little princess is perfect and she could not be at fault in any way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was appalled when my daughter told me this. The sub is a male and he's been there a couple of times since the start of the year. She asks him if she can use the bathroom, and he replies, "Why?" Not only is this incredibly inappropriate, it's also flat-out unacceptable. She said she just sort of stammered an answer the first time he asked, then the next time he asked (about a week later), she stared at him until he let her go. Now she's afraid to ask him at all.

I want to email the principal and tell her this has got to stop. No teacher should be interrogating any student (regardless of gender) as to "why" they need to use the bathroom. But my daughter doesn't want me to get involved. She's worried the principal will call her to the office for a chat.

The whole thing makes my skin crawl. Any advice?

Maybe he thought your little princess should have gone between classes, rather than during class time. Sorry I am sure your little princess is perfect and she could not be at fault in any way.

I wouldn't have phrased it so aggressively, but I agree with the sentiment of PP. Classes are less than an hour in length and unless your child has a medical condition there is really no reason she couldn't just wait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was appalled when my daughter told me this. The sub is a male and he's been there a couple of times since the start of the year. She asks him if she can use the bathroom, and he replies, "Why?" Not only is this incredibly inappropriate, it's also flat-out unacceptable. She said she just sort of stammered an answer the first time he asked, then the next time he asked (about a week later), she stared at him until he let her go. Now she's afraid to ask him at all.

I want to email the principal and tell her this has got to stop. No teacher should be interrogating any student (regardless of gender) as to "why" they need to use the bathroom. But my daughter doesn't want me to get involved. She's worried the principal will call her to the office for a chat.

The whole thing makes my skin crawl. Any advice?

Maybe he thought your little princess should have gone between classes, rather than during class time. Sorry I am sure your little princess is perfect and she could not be at fault in any way.

I wouldn't have phrased it so aggressively, but I agree with the sentiment of PP. Classes are less than an hour in length and unless your child has a medical condition there is really no reason she couldn't just wait.

NP. The problem is that there also isn't enough time and aren't enough bathrooms to actually fit it in between classes. Most schools allow 4-5 minutes of time to get from one part of the building to another and be in your seats. So sometimes you just need to ask to go, especially if you need to mess around with pads, tampons, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was appalled when my daughter told me this. The sub is a male and he's been there a couple of times since the start of the year. She asks him if she can use the bathroom, and he replies, "Why?" Not only is this incredibly inappropriate, it's also flat-out unacceptable. She said she just sort of stammered an answer the first time he asked, then the next time he asked (about a week later), she stared at him until he let her go. Now she's afraid to ask him at all.

I want to email the principal and tell her this has got to stop. No teacher should be interrogating any student (regardless of gender) as to "why" they need to use the bathroom. But my daughter doesn't want me to get involved. She's worried the principal will call her to the office for a chat.

The whole thing makes my skin crawl. Any advice?

Maybe he thought your little princess should have gone between classes, rather than during class time. Sorry I am sure your little princess is perfect and she could not be at fault in any way.

I wouldn't have phrased it so aggressively, but I agree with the sentiment of PP. Classes are less than an hour in length and unless your child has a medical condition there is really no reason she couldn't just wait.

As teachers pointed out above, many schools don't allow kids to go to the bathroom in between classes, or if they do and it causes you to be tardy, it's unexcused, which has consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By MS kids can hold it. Your DD probabaly asks each day. It is what a 40 minute class?

Not every kid's schedule has time between classes.

The range of normal bladder and bowel behavior is large, and some people have issues they would prefer not to discuss in a crowded room.

You are not a better parent because your girl can hold her pee pee for 40 minutes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. Thanks for all the replies, though quite frankly, I was appalled by some of them. To answer some of your questions:
No, my daughter doesn't frequently ask to use the bathroom in this particular class. The two times she's needed to have been a week apart and he happened to be there both of those days.

She is a good student and doesn't slack off or talk during class. There's no reason a teacher shouldn't let her go to the bathroom.

She, along with the other students, puts her phone in the "phone box" on the teacher's desk at the start of class so she's obviously not trying to get out of class to use it.

She, like many middle school aged girls, has her period and is trying to manage it while at school. She should be allowed to use the restroom whenever she needs to.

Even if she isn't having her period, sometimes you just gotta go! I think we all know about that. The kids only have *four* minutes in between classes to go to their lockers, hopefully use the bathroom, and make it to their next class on time. Often, using the bathroom has to fall by the wayside if they don't want to be tardy and get in trouble.

And finally, the point I was trying to make was that no teacher (or substitute) should EVER ask a student WHY they need to go to the bathroom. What a stupid, moronic, unnecessary, and unacceptable thing to ask. I would love to have some of you adults put on the spot like that in your next board meeting - that is, those of you insisting the problem had to be with my daughter and not this creep of a teacher. Let's hear you explain to your coworkers exactly why *YOU* need to go.

Thank you to the PPs who suggested she describe to him, in specific detail, exactly why she had to go. That's exactly what I told her she should do, but obviously a 13 yr. old isn't going to say that to a teacher, much less a male teacher. I would applaud her if she did, though.

I'm going to just let it go - for now. But if it happens one more time, with this guy or any other teacher, I'll be contacting the principal. And to the PP who said I'd be "THAT parent" - so be it. Sounds like you're "THAT teacher."

Actually, we are THAT team! I think it is odd that her period has lasted over 7 days, though. That might be worthy of a doctor's appointment to get checked out. But, of course, it isn't your daughter with the problem...it is the sub so maybe you should confer with him about it.

OP here - I never said her period "lasted over 7 days." I said she had her period during one instance. She had to use the bathroom (very badly) during the other instance. Two different things. Regardless, you're as bad as the sub, asking what the "reason" for needing to go to the restroom is. It's no one's business, including yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would send an email to the assistant principal and have your DD complain to the counselor. This person is just a sub--complaints may mean he's not asked to sub anymore, which would be a good thing. It's an immature, unnecessary question.

I also would direct my kid to just get up and go if it's an absolute emergency, no matter what the sub says. You can follow up/deal with consequences later.

OP here - great advice, thanks. This is what I'll tell my daughter to do, and I'll also be contacting the asst. principal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. Thanks for all the replies, though quite frankly, I was appalled by some of them. To answer some of your questions:
No, my daughter doesn't frequently ask to use the bathroom in this particular class. The two times she's needed to have been a week apart and he happened to be there both of those days.

She is a good student and doesn't slack off or talk during class. There's no reason a teacher shouldn't let her go to the bathroom.

She, along with the other students, puts her phone in the "phone box" on the teacher's desk at the start of class so she's obviously not trying to get out of class to use it.

She, like many middle school aged girls, has her period and is trying to manage it while at school. She should be allowed to use the restroom whenever she needs to.

Even if she isn't having her period, sometimes you just gotta go! I think we all know about that. The kids only have *four* minutes in between classes to go to their lockers, hopefully use the bathroom, and make it to their next class on time. Often, using the bathroom has to fall by the wayside if they don't want to be tardy and get in trouble.

And finally, the point I was trying to make was that no teacher (or substitute) should EVER ask a student WHY they need to go to the bathroom. What a stupid, moronic, unnecessary, and unacceptable thing to ask. I would love to have some of you adults put on the spot like that in your next board meeting - that is, those of you insisting the problem had to be with my daughter and not this creep of a teacher. Let's hear you explain to your coworkers exactly why *YOU* need to go.

Thank you to the PPs who suggested she describe to him, in specific detail, exactly why she had to go. That's exactly what I told her she should do, but obviously a 13 yr. old isn't going to say that to a teacher, much less a male teacher. I would applaud her if she did, though.

I'm going to just let it go - for now. But if it happens one more time, with this guy or any other teacher, I'll be contacting the principal. And to the PP who said I'd be "THAT parent" - so be it. Sounds like you're "THAT teacher."

Actually, we are THAT team! I think it is odd that her period has lasted over 7 days, though. That might be worthy of a doctor's appointment to get checked out. But, of course, it isn't your daughter with the problem...it is the sub so maybe you should confer with him about it.

Np. Maybe one time was because of her period and one time was to pee. Or one time was to pee and one time was to poo. The point is, the sub should not be asking. By the way, most of my life until, I reached my 40s, my period lasted for about 8 days, some days extremely heavy. Are you suggesting that during my period if I had to go to the bathroom to take care of person hygiene issues, then for the next week or more I should not be allowed to go to the bathroom to pee. Be annoyed about frequent bathroom breaks if you want, but to suggest that asking why is ok is beyond ridiculous. Why would you defend something that is clearly not ok?

+1,000,000
Thank you, PP (OP here). This is exactly what I was talking about. The issue is, a teacher or sub should *never* question why a student needs to use the bathroom. It's just completely unacceptable, for obvious reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was appalled when my daughter told me this. The sub is a male and he's been there a couple of times since the start of the year. She asks him if she can use the bathroom, and he replies, "Why?" Not only is this incredibly inappropriate, it's also flat-out unacceptable. She said she just sort of stammered an answer the first time he asked, then the next time he asked (about a week later), she stared at him until he let her go. Now she's afraid to ask him at all.

I want to email the principal and tell her this has got to stop. No teacher should be interrogating any student (regardless of gender) as to "why" they need to use the bathroom. But my daughter doesn't want me to get involved. She's worried the principal will call her to the office for a chat.

The whole thing makes my skin crawl. Any advice?

Maybe he thought your little princess should have gone between classes, rather than during class time. Sorry I am sure your little princess is perfect and she could not be at fault in any way.

I wouldn't have phrased it so aggressively, but I agree with the sentiment of PP. Classes are less than an hour in length and unless your child has a medical condition there is really no reason she couldn't just wait.

Really? I guess you've never experienced a leaky tampon/pad, or your period coming unexpectedly, or sudden diarrhea. Really happy for you that you've never had any kind of bathroom emergency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was appalled when my daughter told me this. The sub is a male and he's been there a couple of times since the start of the year. She asks him if she can use the bathroom, and he replies, "Why?" Not only is this incredibly inappropriate, it's also flat-out unacceptable. She said she just sort of stammered an answer the first time he asked, then the next time he asked (about a week later), she stared at him until he let her go. Now she's afraid to ask him at all.

I want to email the principal and tell her this has got to stop. No teacher should be interrogating any student (regardless of gender) as to "why" they need to use the bathroom. But my daughter doesn't want me to get involved. She's worried the principal will call her to the office for a chat.

The whole thing makes my skin crawl. Any advice?

Maybe he thought your little princess should have gone between classes, rather than during class time. Sorry I am sure your little princess is perfect and she could not be at fault in any way.

I wouldn't have phrased it so aggressively, but I agree with the sentiment of PP. Classes are less than an hour in length and unless your child has a medical condition there is really no reason she couldn't just wait.

Really? I guess you've never experienced a leaky tampon/pad, or your period coming unexpectedly, or sudden diarrhea. Really happy for you that you've never had any kind of bathroom emergency.

OP's DD asks frequently to use the restroom during class. If she told the Substitute teacher it was an emergency, that probably would be a acceptable answer. This may surprise you but kids go to school to attend, wait for it...., CLASSES. It is easier to learn if you are actually in the classroom. Not to mention why isn't OP contacting the school rather than Whining on DCUM?

[Anonymous]

"I need to drop a load, teach."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was appalled when my daughter told me this. The sub is a male and he's been there a couple of times since the start of the year. She asks him if she can use the bathroom, and he replies, "Why?" Not only is this incredibly inappropriate, it's also flat-out unacceptable. She said she just sort of stammered an answer the first time he asked, then the next time he asked (about a week later), she stared at him until he let her go. Now she's afraid to ask him at all.

I want to email the principal and tell her this has got to stop. No teacher should be interrogating any student (regardless of gender) as to "why" they need to use the bathroom. But my daughter doesn't want me to get involved. She's worried the principal will call her to the office for a chat.

The whole thing makes my skin crawl. Any advice?

Maybe he thought your little princess should have gone between classes, rather than during class time. Sorry I am sure your little princess is perfect and she could not be at fault in any way.

I wouldn't have phrased it so aggressively, but I agree with the sentiment of PP. Classes are less than an hour in length and unless your child has a medical condition there is really no reason she couldn't just wait.

Really? I guess you've never experienced a leaky tampon/pad, or your period coming unexpectedly, or sudden diarrhea. Really happy for you that you've never had any kind of bathroom emergency.

OP's DD asks frequently to use the restroom during class. If she told the Substitute teacher it was an emergency, that probably would be a acceptable answer. This may surprise you but kids go to school to attend, wait for it...., CLASSES. It is easier to learn if you are actually in the classroom. Not to mention why isn't OP contacting the school rather than Whining on DCUM?

OP here. Could you point out exactly where I said my daughter "asks frequently" to use the restroom during class?? I specifically said she asked once, and then once again the following week. Hardly "frequently."

As for "whining on DCUM," I'm simply venting the way each and every other poster here does. You included. And you're a little late - I did contact the school. Try reading more carefully next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was appalled when my daughter told me this. The sub is a male and he's been there a couple of times since the start of the year. She asks him if she can use the bathroom, and he replies, "Why?" Not only is this incredibly inappropriate, it's also flat-out unacceptable. She said she just sort of stammered an answer the first time he asked, then the next time he asked (about a week later), she stared at him until he let her go. Now she's afraid to ask him at all.

I want to email the principal and tell her this has got to stop. No teacher should be interrogating any student (regardless of gender) as to "why" they need to use the bathroom. But my daughter doesn't want me to get involved. She's worried the principal will call her to the office for a chat.

The whole thing makes my skin crawl. Any advice?

Maybe he thought your little princess should have gone between classes, rather than during class time. Sorry I am sure your little princess is perfect and she could not be at fault in any way.

I wouldn't have phrased it so aggressively, but I agree with the sentiment of PP. Classes are less than an hour in length and unless your child has a medical condition there is really no reason she couldn't just wait.

Really? I guess you've never experienced a leaky tampon/pad, or your period coming unexpectedly, or sudden diarrhea. Really happy for you that you've never had any kind of bathroom emergency.

OP's DD asks frequently to use the restroom during class. If she told the Substitute teacher it was an emergency, that probably would be a acceptable answer. This may surprise you but kids go to school to attend, wait for it...., CLASSES. It is easier to learn if you are actually in the classroom. Not to mention why isn't OP contacting the school rather than Whining on DCUM?

OP here. Could you point out exactly where I said my daughter "asks frequently" to use the restroom during class?? I specifically said she asked once, and then once again the following week. Hardly "frequently."

As for "whining on DCUM," I'm simply venting the way each and every other poster here does. You included. And you're a little late - I did contact the school. Try reading more carefully next time.

So, what did the school say? Do tell!

[Anonymous]

Wow OP, I'm with you. To hell with these Bs

But, I have kidney issues and have to pee frequently.