Empty Nester Sex - does it get better

[Anonymous]

Our youngest heads off to college just after Labor Day and over the last few years our sex life has been pretty meager as both my DH and I have been wary about having sex with teenagers in the house. Our house is pretty small with my daughters bedroom right next to ours and she stays up later than we do. I know we could have done things to work around the issue but we never really did so I'm hoping that becoming empty nesters will help rekindle our sex life to more than once every few weeks. My DH and I have a very good relationship and I'm confident that he is still attracted to me but I worry that once every few weeks is the new norm. Did any of you have the same problem? Did becoming an empty nester rekindle your sex life?

[Anonymous]

I hope so...we have about 10 more years to find out. It sucks now!

[Anonymous]

I would hope so but once menopause hits all bets are off

[Anonymous]

It does just because you have none at the moment.

[Anonymous]

My kids are early teens, so I don't have any direct experience here. I think it's really going to depend on whether the presence of kids is the limiting factor in you having sex.

It seems similar to when I was holding out for the kids to get to school age in the hopes of our sex life improving. My wife told me it was the pressures of watching kids all day that sapped her sex drive. Turns out, that wasn't it. The kids went to school, she was only on her own with the kids from 3 - 5:30, and her sex drive didn't improve at all. So, it turns out she was wrong about what was sapping her sex drive.

But, that's just one guy's story -- and it's not even the same thing exactly. My advice would be to make a direct effort to turn your sex life into whatever you want when your youngest heads off to college. Don't just hope it happens.

[Anonymous]

No once habits are formed they are hard to break. People who want to have sex have it. No excuses...they just do it. Sorry to say but you will just find other reasons not to have sex.

[Anonymous]

Having teenagers in the house isn't an excuse for not finding time or place to have sex. Sorry but this wasn't the reason why you weren't having sex.

That might become apparent very soon.

[Anonymous]

Don't teenagers often leave the house to go out with friends, etc? I don't think the presence of teenagers was the reason.

[Anonymous]

Things can change but both parties need to make the effort. And it takes work. You don't just miraculously become on the same page.

[Anonymous]

It really depends. When you and your DH go on vacation (without kids) or just to a hotel for whatever reason do you have sex? If yes, then being an empty nester will help you out. If no, then having a teenager at home is just an excuse and being an empty nester is not the solution to your problem. When our kids lived at home, especially as teen agers, our sex life was just OK but put me in a hotel room with my DH and the mommy nightie came off. Now as an empty nester I can't say that we are back to pre-children frequency but we no longer close doors or try to muffle the noise.

[Anonymous]

We were swing from the chandelier and walking around naked when the nest emptied out. Then the neighbors complained so we have to keep a lid on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were swing from the chandelier and walking around naked when the nest emptied out. Then the neighbors complained so we have to keep a lid on it.

I think your neighbors were just angling for an invitation to come over and join in. You should ask them.

[Anonymous]

It didn't because my husband is not creative or really that interested in sex, and has gained a lot of weight. Teenagers sleep pretty late, and are also often out until past our bedtime, so we never had a problem finding time to have sex even with teens in the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It really depends. When you and your DH go on vacation (without kids) or just to a hotel for whatever reason do you have sex? If yes, then being an empty nester will help you out. If no, then having a teenager at home is just an excuse and being an empty nester is not the solution to your problem. When our kids lived at home, especially as teen agers, our sex life was just OK but put me in a hotel room with my DH and the mommy nightie came off. Now as an empty nester I can't say that we are back to pre-children frequency but we no longer close doors or try to muffle the noise.

When we had teenagers at home we were self conscious about sex as well. Once when I got back from a five day trip my DH picked me up at the airport and drove straight to a motel. We got home about two hours later and said that we got stuck in heavy traffic. It was a pretty cheap motel but the sleaziness actually added to the adventure.

[Anonymous]

It did get better but it had more to do with what we did then how often we did it. I use to almost hold my breath to keep quiet and that wasn't good for getting fulfilled. Now I don't care!