On vacation with another family and my husband are in a fight- how do you act and play like all is f

[Anonymous]

So embarrassing. I just want to cry- or divorce. My husband and I do not get along and we are fighting on vacation. Not fighting really in front of them, but they can clearly tell we are in a fight.
Stupid stuff- I feel like he's not helping me with the kids and keeps on his phone or "running errands". I'm sick of it. The other dad is so great with their kids and mine is an a-hole.
It's a beach vacation and we have a 2.5 year old (plus 9 and 13 yr old) so it's all hands on deck at beach. He had to run to Starbucks, run to Walgreens, etc.
Really!!! Can't you help me on the beach with the kids.
So I'm feeling aggravated at him.
Tell me how to act like everything is just fine.

[Anonymous]

Just do it. Act like you're at work and have to be pleasant and professional. Don't ruin everyone's vacation.

I wouldn't be surprised if he's cheating and going off to talk on the phone to her. Or maybe he's out looking for extra fun on his vacation.

Think about how you'll proceed once you get home.

[Anonymous]

When you vacation with another family you need to put on social face.

When he says he needs to run to wherever, have him take a kid or two along. Or suggest he go during nap time. Whatever.

I think it is low class to parade your problems in front of other people. I would smile, deal and rip him a new one in private.

[Anonymous]

OP how do you know these people you are on vacation with? Relatives? Your friends/ his friends?

Can he spend some time alone with the other dad? Maybe some of that would rub off on him. I've seen that happen, at least for the short term.

[Anonymous]

Don't subject your friends to your petty squabbles. Airing your dirty laundry in public is so crass.

The more aggravated and bitchy you get with your husband, the more likely he is to leave for errands. Stop comparing him to the other husband, you don't know what he might be like. Perhaps they're fighting too, and are just not showing it.

[Anonymous]

Yes I have wondered if he's having an affair. He doesn't seem like the type, but then probably most women say that. He's always on his ESPN and news websites and Facebook... at least from what I can tell the few times I've looked at his phone when he went bathroom.
I think he's stressed by family life and tries to escape. I work long hours as attorney- so not like I'm not pulling my weight.
But on vacation with danger of water, I have to have help. Even with the 9 year old.
I agree I need to put on happy face and be agreeable and nice.
But I'm so aggravated it is really hard.
My 13 year old senses but yet doesn't really get it. But he is so upset anytime we have words. So I need to do this for everyone involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes I have wondered if he's having an affair. He doesn't seem like the type, but then probably most women say that. He's always on his ESPN and news websites and Facebook... at least from what I can tell the few times I've looked at his phone when he went bathroom.
I think he's stressed by family life and tries to escape. I work long hours as attorney- so not like I'm not pulling my weight.
But on vacation with danger of water, I have to have help. Even with the 9 year old.
I agree I need to put on happy face and be agreeable and nice.
But I'm so aggravated it is really hard.
My 13 year old senses but yet doesn't really get it. But he is so upset anytime we have words. So I need to do this for everyone involved.

Put on your game face, OP. You know it is what you need to do. And next year, if there is a next year, bring along a babysitter. This cannot be the first time you've seen how your husband and you respond to social stress. Next year plan for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just do it. Act like you're at work and have to be pleasant and professional. Don't ruin everyone's vacation.

I wouldn't be surprised if he's cheating and going off to talk on the phone to her. Or maybe he's out looking for extra fun on his vacation.

Think about how you'll proceed once you get home.

This was my first thought. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

If you guys dont generally get along, why did you agree to vacation with another family?!

You are obviously jealous of the other couple, so realizing that & that you cant change anything now would be the best thing. Doesnt mean you have to like the way thinhs are, just gotta deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Although it's totally annoying that he would require you to baby him like this, have you tried giving him a schedule of when you need him to act like a parent and when there is some flexibility for him? I would also be direct in saying "It's really embarrassing when Larla and Larlo have to help out with our kids because you've run off again. I'm running out of excuses for you."

Sorry OP. It's not always easy to identify a man child before marriage. It's having kids that usually does it. I'm sure you're not the only couple your friends know who are struggling. I suspect they are sympathetic to you.

[Anonymous]

Make him take a kid, though kid will object. See his reaction. If he says no, there is no way out except taking the car and leaving early or hiring a local babysitter. That should put some shame in him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make him take a kid, though kid will object. See his reaction. If he says no, there is no way out except taking the car and leaving early or hiring a local babysitter. That should put some shame in him.

I wouldn't force the kid to go with dad on "errands" to Starbucks esp if the kid is playing nicely. That's not fair to the kid.

Instead, op volunteers to go to Starbucks.

[Anonymous]

We have 3 kids like you.
On vacation, we divide and conquer.
Next time you are alone, TELL him this is the way it's going to be the rest of vacation.

Either he takes the 2yo, or the 9 and 13 yo everywhere he goes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So embarrassing. I just want to cry- or divorce. My husband and I do not get along and we are fighting on vacation. Not fighting really in front of them, but they can clearly tell we are in a fight.
Stupid stuff- I feel like he's not helping me with the kids and keeps on his phone or "running errands". I'm sick of it. The other dad is so great with their kids and mine is an a-hole.
It's a beach vacation and we have a 2.5 year old (plus 9 and 13 yr old) so it's all hands on deck at beach. He had to run to Starbucks, run to Walgreens, etc.
Really!!! Can't you help me on the beach with the kids.
So I'm feeling aggravated at him.
Tell me how to act like everything is just fine.

Was the 2.5 year old planned or a surprise?

[Anonymous]

This is why I only allow close family on our vacations.

My husband has a history of being irrational and angry during vacations, mostly because he has ADHD which he refuses to treat, and can't handle unknowns and transitions.