On vacation with another family and my husband are in a fight- how do you act and play like all is f

[Anonymous]

Ugh, I feel sorry for OP and think she is being unfairly criticized.
My husband often turn into a jerk on vacations, in part because he has a degree of social anxiety and being around people stresses him out, plus he has some level of OCD and hates disruptions to his schedule.
It's terrible .... I've been isolated for decades because it's so hard to do things with other people with him. I don't blame OP for wanting to have a nice vacation with some other people. To be honest, its probably bothering you more than its bothering them. They might be thinking "Hmm...Susie's husband is kind of a disinterested prick." But so long as you aren't off sulking and being weird, they are probably still enjoying spending time with you and the kids. Just try to pretend that he didn't come on the vacation with you, and have as much fun as you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This is why I only allow close family on our vacations.

My husband has a history of being irrational and angry during vacations, mostly because he has ADHD which he refuses to treat, and can't handle unknowns and transitions.

Horrible. Why bring someone that acts like that to begin with.

Honestly why even marry someone who can't handle "transitions" like an adult. Were you about to expire or something?

[Anonymous]

ask him to take a kid. see if he flips out. my brother did. turned out he was going out to call his girlfriend. while we were all on a family vacation with his wife and kids.

[Anonymous]

why do you have 3 kids with this loser? Couldn't you figure out after the first 1 he was an idiot?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ask him to take a kid. see if he flips out. my brother did. turned out he was going out to call his girlfriend. while we were all on a family vacation with his wife and kids.

This is good advice

[Anonymous]

I dunno why everyone is freaking out most about ruining the vacation for the other family. I think if I were the other couple, I'd just be grateful I don't have to deal with that kind of nonsense, but it wouldn't really ruin my vacation. At most, I'd give the other couple a little more space.

I think these two-family vacations can be very stressful. Maybe the DH didn't really want to go, doesn't like the other guy or doesn't have much in common with him, and is taking it out on the DW for making him go on the vacation.

[Anonymous]

The embarrassment of having others see our marital spat would have me suck it up. No sex. Freeze DH out in the evenings when you are alone. If this is your first vacation with friends explain the duties involved and what the other couple see when he wanders off. It may shame him into behaving better. Or, it'll tell you what you need to know moving forward.

By all means hand him a child and add to his errand list ("We're out of hotdog buns.") and see what he does.

If it turns out that 24/7 with another family leaves him wanting some alone time, let him. And, get some for yourself. Work with him if you can. If he's just being an ass and doesn't care about anybody else, well...you have your answer.

[Anonymous]

When we go on vacations with other people I am not a good partner or even a great mom really. I am overwhelmed being away from home and our routine and near water with kids. I jump to leave a go to the store or run any errand that gets me away from the house (esp when multiple kids are around). It is how I cope. Not great, but what I do. My husband is aware, and since most of the time we go with his good friends and their family, he tries to understand. I will take naps, he will play in the beach with the kids. Our friends know, and it is a joke between us (friends and my husband). It probably bothered him on some level at first, until he realized this is how I cope with stress and noise.

We all have our faults, and if he is otherwise good, try to find out why. This can just be overwhelming for him (as it is all of us, but we all handle differently and have different breaking points). I hate that DCUM always has to jump to affairs, etc. And really, people bicker. I am sure the other couple can handle it and if not they will do something different next year. OP did not say they were full on fighting the whole time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you vacation with another family you need to put on social face.

When he says he needs to run to wherever, have him take a kid or two along. Or suggest he go during nap time. Whatever.

I think it is low class to parade your problems in front of other people. I would smile, deal and rip him a new one in private.

I think it's low class to "rip him a new one" in private or public.

Have a serious, actual, adult conversation when you get home.

[Anonymous]

Leave him alone. Do your thing and take care of your kids as if you were alone. They clearly know there are issues. Just let him look like an ass. Your friends will side with you if you eventually kick him to the curb.

[Anonymous]

I would just deal with it yourself for now and talk to him in private tonight.

Try not to compare him to the other guy when you discuss it later - I don't think that will go over well.

GL.

[Anonymous]

I hate hanging around couples who are in the middle of a fight. You are being selfish to your kids and the other couple. Get over the fact that your husband is escaping to do errands. If you were divorced and were a single mom you would be doing it all alone anyway. Suck it up for the rest of this vacation. You don't have three kids under 5 years old- you have 1. Enjoy the day at the beach with them and expect nothing from your husband, you won't be disappointed. Tell him it is fine for him to take morning or afternoon off. Life isn't fair. So you do more work on this vacation with the kids. You get the benefit that you are spending time with your kids. My husband hates the beach and doesn't like vacationing with another family. I love it so we compromise. We go and I hang out all day with kids at beach. He does errands. He looks like a deadbeat but in other situations he is really involved and amazing.

[Anonymous]

Why are all of you people who are terrible on group vacations going on group vacations? You're making a terribly awkward situation for the other adults.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to reset your expectations. If you were divorced, he wouldn't even be there, and you'd be managing all three kids by yourself. Pretend it's like that - do your own thing, don't expect him to be there. At the beach, 2yo stays attached to your hip, 9yo gets permission to go in waist-deep but no deeper and only right in front of you. Don't show your annoyance, just block him out. Enjoy the vacation as if he weren't even there.

[Anonymous]

Usually it's clear after 1 child if spouse is an a hole. The problem is too many kids who cannot be handled by one person.