I'm certain my son has a boyfriend, but he hasn't told me so. Don't know why.

[Anonymous]

My son has been friends with this boy since kindergarten. The boy recently lost his dad, day of the funeral I saw my son kiss the other boy on the cheek and hold his hand. When he was over here yesterday they were holding hands again and when I left for work this morning they were in bed together and he had his arm around him.


Both boys are 16 so it's not as though dating is unexpected. I'm also not homophobic I made a point not to be, as I was raised with that hate and didn't want that in my son's life, My question is why hasn't he told me?

He had a girlfriend last summer and earlier this year and I knew about them.

Obviously, he hasn't said anything for a reason, so is there a way to mention this without making things awkward?

[Anonymous]

I'm bothered by this "I made a point not to be."

Clearly being gay is a THING in your house.

They may also not be having the sex, you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son has been friends with this boy since kindergarten. The boy recently lost his dad, day of the funeral I saw my son kiss the other boy on the cheek and hold his hand. When he was over here yesterday they were holding hands again and when I left for work this morning they were in bed together and he had his arm around him.


Both boys are 16 so it's not as though dating is unexpected. I'm also not homophobic I made a point not to be, as I was raised with that hate and didn't want that in my son's life, My question is why hasn't he told me?

He had a girlfriend last summer and earlier this year and I knew about them.

Obviously, he hasn't said anything for a reason, so is there a way to mention this without making things awkward?

Why does he need to tell you explicitly? Maybe he hasn't accepted it himself yet -- or doesn't want to commit to the idea yet.

But, what really sticks out to me is that your son is sleeping with another kid and you just go off to work? That would not be o.k. in my house regardless of the gender. But, if it happened in your house, then maybe he thinks he already told you by his actions and your tacit awareness.

[Anonymous]

Because it's none of your business.

[Anonymous]

Why does he have to "say" anything? Obviously they are dating, so why does there have to be this big pronouncement? Do your straight kids announce they're straight at some point or do they just start dating someone and you all know it. Don't make this out to be a bigger thing than it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm bothered by this "I made a point not to be."

Clearly being gay is a THING in your house.

They may also not be having the sex, you know.

I made it a point not to be because I grew up with religious parents who were bigots about everything on the planet that threw me out when was 16 and pregnant with my son, so yes I've made it a point not to be that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm bothered by this "I made a point not to be."

Clearly being gay is a THING in your house.

They may also not be having the sex, you know.

I made it a point not to be because I grew up with religious parents who were bigots about everything on the planet that threw me out when was 16 and pregnant with my son, so yes I've made it a point not to be that way.

Good news for you, Op. Looks like he won't be following in the teen-parent footsteps. That's a plus!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does he have to "say" anything? Obviously they are dating, so why does there have to be this big pronouncement? Do your straight kids announce they're straight at some point or do they just start dating someone and you all know it. Don't make this out to be a bigger thing than it is.

He told me about his girlfriends that's why. I'd be asking the same thing if he hadn't told me about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm bothered by this "I made a point not to be."

Clearly being gay is a THING in your house.

They may also not be having the sex, you know.

I made it a point not to be because I grew up with religious parents who were bigots about everything on the planet that threw me out when was 16 and pregnant with my son, so yes I've made it a point not to be that way.

You're missing my point. If you've spent a lot of time with him growing up about how OK it is to be gay, etc. you've overcompensated and he probably doesn't want to discuss it because that's just weird.

[Anonymous]

My dd knows I'm not homophobic and it was still hard for her to come out. She was more afraid of extended family reactions. She has anxiety and OCD and once she got the idea that because of my parents being homophobic, I'd be homophobic, in her head, it took a while to change her way of thinking.

We just make sure to set an open and affirming example in our home, and it isn't something we have to discuss frequently.

[Anonymous]

Being in bed together all snugged up is called a clue. NO teen would be caught doing that unless he's out at school and in public.

And you have no problem with them in bed together ? You may think you're the cool Mom but that ain't okay in the family house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm bothered by this "I made a point not to be."

Clearly being gay is a THING in your house.

They may also not be having the sex, you know.

I made it a point not to be because I grew up with religious parents who were bigots about everything on the planet that threw me out when was 16 and pregnant with my son, so yes I've made it a point not to be that way.

You're missing my point. If you've spent a lot of time with him growing up about how OK it is to be gay, etc. you've overcompensated and he probably doesn't want to discuss it because that's just weird.

That. Plus if he knows how your parents feel, or how you were raised, he may be afraid you'll revert back to your roots if he comes out. Or maybe he's afraid of extended family's reaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dd knows I'm not homophobic and it was still hard for her to come out. She was more afraid of extended family reactions. She has anxiety and OCD and once she got the idea that because of my parents being homophobic, I'd be homophobic, in her head, it took a while to change her way of thinking.

We just make sure to set an open and affirming example in our home, and it isn't something we have to discuss frequently.

He's never known his grandparents though, it's just us and the family I've created for us, he's got several aunts and uncles that are gay it's never been an issue. I just don't know why he feels he can't tell me he's dating his best friend.

[Anonymous]

Is simply asking him not an option?
If so why?
I understand the desire to have your children open up and come to you about things but when they don't share it's okay to inquire isn't it?

[Anonymous]

I've always made a point to be not homophobic in my house too (not sure why that equates to talking about it too much pp). Still, my daughter was worried about telling me she has a girlfriend. She did though and with some reassurance that she is loved just as she is, all is well. She was also worried about telling her grandparents. I let her wait but now that she's visiting them this summer, I told her I thought either she or I should tell them. She wanted me to tell them. As expected, they are fine with it. "That's not unusual," they said. Point of this story is that she was very relieved to have them know. It's a weight off her to not be holding a secret.
If I were you, I'd ask my teen! "Hey what's going on with Larlo? You guys have been very physically affectionate lately. Are you dating?"
No need to push or make teen uncomfortable, but maybe he just doesn't know how to bring it up.