DS is being bullied for doing ballet

[Anonymous]

DS (7) is being bullied for doing ballet for a couple years now and loves.. but not by other children, by adults. Mostly other family members and family friends. I've tried talking to them, but they won't change their ways. It's starting to take a toll on him and he sways back and forth now from wanting to continue vs. not wanting to. I've always thought of my family as being progressive liberals until this started to come up and it seems like the more years DS keeps doing it, the more of a problem they feel like it is. These are people he looks up to and obviously have a impact on his self-esteem, but I hate that they're doing this to him. He's such an insecure and quiet kid and it's one of the few activities where he seems to come out of his shell. What can I do?

[Anonymous]

Bullied? How?

[Anonymous]

Avoid them?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't let them be around my child. It's abusive. Tell them when they straighten up they can see their grandson/nephew/whatever.

[Anonymous]

Family members who are bullies don't get to see your kids. Period. End of story.

[Anonymous]

Agreed. It's your job to protect him so you need to cut off contact or have a huge come to Jesus meeting with your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bullied? How?

Poke fun at. Tell him that it's for girls/gays, etc. They'll suggest more boyish things for him to do instead, like sports and refuse to attend his recitals. It's just one part of his life, which is why I haven't jumped to more extreme measures, but I feel like it's coming to that point...
I did have a talk with everyone, but this has continued to happen when he's with them and away from me and as he's gotten older, he has noticed that all other kids have extended family attending recitals and for him, it's just DH and me.

[Anonymous]

I was a ballet dancer. I remember the names of every single boy in every single dance class, because there were so few. I always thought (and still do) boys who do ballet (who are straight) must love it because they have almost zero competition with the girls.

Can you bring family friends to recitals?

[Anonymous]

Invite supportive friends to the next recital.

[Anonymous]

The next time a family member says something unkind say, "you're rude," and walk away.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for sharing this issue OP. I am planning on putting all my kids in ballet but my toddler son has great feet and natural turn out, so o am particularly excited for him to start. But I will watch out for this issue. Basically it will be all out war if anyone says anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Invite supportive friends to the next recital.

Yes, I should.. and I should have thought of that. I've been trying so hard getting my family on board with accepting DS and his dancing that I think I should have probably stopped trying long ago and focus on like-minded friends instead.

[Anonymous]

Really? I can hardly believe adults would make such remarks.

My son did ballet for a few years in elementary school, and was initially careful not to broadcast it at school. Instead, since I manage the cultural arts, I invited a ballet and modern dance company to perform for the school. There were a few male dancers who demonstrated high jumps and how to carry female dancers, and the kids really understood what strength the boys and men need to develop in order to dance.

However, we never thought to hide it from family members and friends, and they never said anything untoward. My father probably wished him anywhere other than at ballet, but he had the wits not to actually come out and say it! Other family members must also have had secret doubts about it.

I would have called your family and friends out on their lack of support from the get-go, and pointed out how unfair it is that they go to other sport events but not ballet recitals. Ballet and dance in general are VERY athletic activities! It's a teachable moment for all these backward folk, and you need to explain it to them.

[Anonymous]

If you have it in you to follow through, I would tell your family members that if they keep up their rude comments, they will see less of you. The most important thing here is what your son is learning about his family being ppl he can count on - including you. I've recently cut family members out if my life that made inappropriate and rude comments to me for years. I was always told to ignore it, but I think it would have saved me a lot of self esteem issues well into adulthood if my parents had made it clear that someone who acted that way toward their child was not welcome in their family. If your son is already insecure, this will not help. He's learning from this that he should accept people who "care" about him making him feel bad about himself.

Also, if your family is saying ballet is for girls and "gays," they're not progressive.

[Anonymous]

Wasn't Gene Kelly classically trained in ballet? Maybe some of the older relatives would appreciate him, if some more modern names don't mean anything.

I was sad I missed the window with starting my son on ballet. He loves to dance, and is a strong very muscular and active child. I thought he would make a great male ballet dancer -- able to do lifts, etc., but was worried about finding a class that was active enough and not too princessy. I kept looking and then he got infected with the "ballet is for girls and the boys will make fun of me if I do it" disease. I do think one problem is the way that ballet is typically sold to little kids -- they really play up all the princess pink tutu crap, so no wonder the boys feel a little unwelcome. If you actually go to real ballet, it's not like that at all, and the male dancers look about as masculine as you can imagine.