NCS Parents - "I wish I had known x" type advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

+1. You keep coming back to post again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. For 40+pages.

Which is exactly the point people here are making about the NCS bashers - just 1-2 people with ugly obsessions. (PS - I don't care about keeping this thread at the top because we don't/didn't have a kid at NCS. Several of us just think you're nuts, and this OCD hatred clearly undermines whatever points you're trying to make.)

That's simply not true. I am a new poster. But, my neighbors confirm the adverse rumours regarding the sorry state of health at NCS. Just my 2 cents. (PS: I don't care if my 2 cents seems like a million dollars)

Oh, well, if you heard gossip from your neighbors it must be true!

[Anonymous]

Mother of 9th grader here. St. Albans' homecoming is around the corner. Do most girls get asked by the boys to go? My DD is horrified that she is the only one who will not be going. She just doesn't know too many of those boys.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately she needs to be proactive in finding a date. Many girls are not invited and unlike NCS' Homecoming ( sta boys are ALL welcome) the NCS girls need to be asked. Kind of very 1950's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mother of 9th grader here. St. Albans' homecoming is around the corner. Do most girls get asked by the boys to go? My DD is horrified that she is the only one who will not be going. She just doesn't know too many of those boys.

Have her ask her friends if their dates have friends without dates. Agree they need to be proactive. I am appalled that STA does not allow all NCS students to attend.

[Anonymous]

I attended NCS from 4th through 12th grades and graduated in the 90s. While the school prepared me for the academic side of college and gave me lifelong friends, I would never recommend this school. Part of the draw of an all girls high school presumably is to develop confident, accomplished young women. The school attracts really smart, exceptional girls but rather than enstilling confidence and feelings of self-worth in them, 90% I would say graduate feeling inadequate. Everyone who attends this school is incredibly intelligent, driven and priveleged to be receiving a great academic education. But it's a bubble and the school does nothing to teach perspective. Rather than feeling smart and prepared for life coming out of NCS, I couldn't shake the insecurity that this school breeds. I went on to an Ivy League college - but the teachers and guidance counselors had made clear that I had only gotten into a 2nd tier Ivy (not Harvard, Princeton, Yale). I won awards for my art, but arts weren't highly valued compared with say varsity lacrosse or field hockey (I was a varsity athlete in a less prestigious sport). In talking with other alums, many had the same experience - despite making it through a really challenging academic environment and excelling in sports, drama or some other extracurricular and going on to fantastic top tier colleges, we left NCS lacking confidence and general self-awareness. Most of us got over this after successes in the real world, but it sure would have been nice to be in a more supportive, fair, diverse, reality-based environment growing up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mother of 9th grader here. St. Albans' homecoming is around the corner. Do most girls get asked by the boys to go? My DD is horrified that she is the only one who will not be going. She just doesn't know too many of those boys.

Have her ask her friends if their dates have friends without dates. Agree they need to be proactive. I am appalled that STA does not allow all NCS students to attend.

+1 to being appalled at the way STA handles homecoming. I am an STA mom! Lots of boys also are left out of this experience. It scars them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mother of 9th grader here. St. Albans' homecoming is around the corner. Do most girls get asked by the boys to go? My DD is horrified that she is the only one who will not be going. She just doesn't know too many of those boys.

Have her ask her friends if their dates have friends without dates. Agree they need to be proactive. I am appalled that STA does not allow all NCS students to attend.

+1 to being appalled at the way STA handles homecoming. I am an STA mom! Lots of boys also are left out of this experience. It scars them.

Appalled? Scarred? It's not the Prom scene in Carrie. It's a dance where kids bring dates and everyone gets dressed up. Big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mother of 9th grader here. St. Albans' homecoming is around the corner. Do most girls get asked by the boys to go? My DD is horrified that she is the only one who will not be going. She just doesn't know too many of those boys.

Have her ask her friends if their dates have friends without dates. Agree they need to be proactive. I am appalled that STA does not allow all NCS students to attend.

+1 to being appalled at the way STA handles homecoming. I am an STA mom! Lots of boys also are left out of this experience. It scars them.

Appalled? Scarred? It's not the Prom scene in Carrie. It's a dance where kids bring dates and everyone gets dressed up. Big deal.

You are obviously the mom of an NCS girl who got asked to the STA homecoming. You have not had to endure the pain, trauma, and therapy of the less fortunate girls. Why cannot STA allow NCS girls to attend sans date. That might take the sting out of things,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I attended NCS from 4th through 12th grades and graduated in the 90s. While the school prepared me for the academic side of college and gave me lifelong friends, I would never recommend this school. Part of the draw of an all girls high school presumably is to develop confident, accomplished young women. The school attracts really smart, exceptional girls but rather than enstilling confidence and feelings of self-worth in them, 90% I would say graduate feeling inadequate. Everyone who attends this school is incredibly intelligent, driven and priveleged to be receiving a great academic education. But it's a bubble and the school does nothing to teach perspective. Rather than feeling smart and prepared for life coming out of NCS, I couldn't shake the insecurity that this school breeds. I went on to an Ivy League college - but the teachers and guidance counselors had made clear that I had only gotten into a 2nd tier Ivy (not Harvard, Princeton, Yale). I won awards for my art, but arts weren't highly valued compared with say varsity lacrosse or field hockey (I was a varsity athlete in a less prestigious sport). In talking with other alums, many had the same experience - despite making it through a really challenging academic environment and excelling in sports, drama or some other extracurricular and going on to fantastic top tier colleges, we left NCS lacking confidence and general self-awareness. Most of us got over this after successes in the real world, but it sure would have been nice to be in a more supportive, fair, diverse, reality-based environment growing up.

And, alas, its only gotten worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mother of 9th grader here. St. Albans' homecoming is around the corner. Do most girls get asked by the boys to go? My DD is horrified that she is the only one who will not be going. She just doesn't know too many of those boys.

Have her ask her friends if their dates have friends without dates. Agree they need to be proactive. I am appalled that STA does not allow all NCS students to attend.

+1 to being appalled at the way STA handles homecoming. I am an STA mom! Lots of boys also are left out of this experience. It scars them.

Appalled? Scarred? It's not the Prom scene in Carrie. It's a dance where kids bring dates and everyone gets dressed up. Big deal.

You are obviously the mom of an NCS girl who got asked to the STA homecoming. You have not had to endure the pain, trauma, and therapy of the less fortunate girls. Why cannot STA allow NCS girls to attend sans date. That might take the sting out of things,

No, I am not. And it might be nice if the St. Albans homecoming was not a date event, but it is. The NCS homecoming is pretty different -- some of the kids even dress up in costumes. (NCS does have a prom that is mostly a dress-up/date event, and is not an open event, btw.) The two schools are different and don't do everything the same way. There are plenty of non-date type dances and events at St. Albans that are fully open to NCS. Lastly, I don't think parents or schools can legislate away all the social bumps of adolescence. Efforts to counteract bullying and relational aggression are great, but schools will never be able to fully make sure every kid is just as "popular" (to use a word from my teen years) as every other kid. The same is true at every stage of life -- some folks are more sought after than others, whether romantically or socially. A child who is taunted or systematically excluded might need therapy, but not getting an invitation to a dance at a school where a lot of the dates are not from your own girls' school does not rationally seem to be a basis for therapy.

[Anonymous]

The question is how the girls at the school handle the fact that some are invited and some are not. And thats where NCS fails. It is simply not a part of the culture of the school to be considerate of other girls' feelings. I am not referring to the old trope about NCS mean girls. Everyone who writes about mean girls is, invariable, not connected with the school. Thats just a stereotype. I'm referring to otherwise good kids who are not encouraged to be respectful of other girls' feelings. I saw this over and over again when my DD was there. Girls who should know better, who are not otherwise mean, would stand by when another girl was being insulted or excluded and do nothing. Its just the culture of the school. If Haley is talking to Emma about how much fun they are going to have while Sophie is sitting right there, obviously not invited, no one will care about Sophie's feelings. And if Sophie is later seen crying in the bathroom, the other girls will think "Thank God thats not me."

And thats not how it has to be. Thats not how it is at other schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The question is how the girls at the school handle the fact that some are invited and some are not. And thats where NCS fails. It is simply not a part of the culture of the school to be considerate of other girls' feelings. I am not referring to the old trope about NCS mean girls. Everyone who writes about mean girls is, invariable, not connected with the school. Thats just a stereotype. I'm referring to otherwise good kids who are not encouraged to be respectful of other girls' feelings. I saw this over and over again when my DD was there. Girls who should know better, who are not otherwise mean, would stand by when another girl was being insulted or excluded and do nothing. Its just the culture of the school. If Haley is talking to Emma about how much fun they are going to have while Sophie is sitting right there, obviously not invited, no one will care about Sophie's feelings. And if Sophie is later seen crying in the bathroom, the other girls will think "Thank God thats not me."

And thats not how it has to be. Thats not how it is at other schools.

My DD currently in fourth grade told me this week that lower school HOS talked to them about this and about other times when no doing something can mean feelings get hurt

[Anonymous]

Is it even worse when a STA boy takes a gal from a school other than NCS?

The "cathedral" schools are separate and distinct schools and it may come as a shock to some of you, but NCS girls stray beyond the Cathedral Close on occasion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it even worse when a STA boy takes a gal from a school other than NCS?

The "cathedral" schools are separate and distinct schools and it may come as a shock to some of you, but NCS girls stray beyond the Cathedral Close on occasion.

Like to Landon Bear country . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The question is how the girls at the school handle the fact that some are invited and some are not. And thats where NCS fails. It is simply not a part of the culture of the school to be considerate of other girls' feelings. I am not referring to the old trope about NCS mean girls. Everyone who writes about mean girls is, invariable, not connected with the school. Thats just a stereotype. I'm referring to otherwise good kids who are not encouraged to be respectful of other girls' feelings. I saw this over and over again when my DD was there. Girls who should know better, who are not otherwise mean, would stand by when another girl was being insulted or excluded and do nothing. Its just the culture of the school. If Haley is talking to Emma about how much fun they are going to have while Sophie is sitting right there, obviously not invited, no one will care about Sophie's feelings. And if Sophie is later seen crying in the bathroom, the other girls will think "Thank God thats not me."

And thats not how it has to be. Thats not how it is at other schools.

My DD has not been invited to hc and while she's disappointed, I don't see how you can blame the school for this or how other girls behave. Homecoming everywhere is a fact of life.