DH would not come to family Mother's Day celebration

[Anonymous]

DH and I went out for breakfast this morning. This afternoon, my BIL was hosting a brunch with my mom and sister. DH refused to come, even after I asked him. He said he was looking forward to the "afternoon by himself." I am hurt because everyone else's spouse was there and he had no reason not to come.

[Anonymous]

Wow

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I went out for breakfast this morning. This afternoon, my BIL was hosting a brunch with my mom and sister. DH refused to come, even after I asked him. He said he was looking forward to the "afternoon by himself." I am hurt because everyone else's spouse was there and he had no reason not to come.

Not enough information, what is the back story.

[Anonymous]

This thread only belongs in the "bad things DH did today" thread. Ha! So sorry PP.

[Anonymous]

Back story: it was not planned. My parents were out of town until this morning. BIL called and said my parents were coming over for brunch and that we were invited. DH said no and he had a couple things he wanted to do on his own.

I guess I was under the premise he actually wanted to spend time with my family. He even bought my mom a present and picked out a card but when the time came he just didn't want to come.

He is estranged from his Mom, he didn't have any concrete plans today at all. He went to go buy SOCKS for gods sake.

[Anonymous]

He celebrated you this morning. Then he had planned on time to himself. He doesn't have to change course for spontaneous plans.

[Anonymous]

I feel like if it was last minute, he gets a pass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Back story: it was not planned. My parents were out of town until this morning. BIL called and said my parents were coming over for brunch and that we were invited. DH said no and he had a couple things he wanted to do on his own.

I guess I was under the premise he actually wanted to spend time with my family. He even bought my mom a present and picked out a card but when the time came he just didn't want to come.

He is estranged from his Mom, he didn't have any concrete plans today at all. He went to go buy SOCKS for gods sake.

Under that premise based on what? You sprung spontaneous plans on him. This wasn't you making it clear 3 weeks ago that this was important to you.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Yes I understand it was last minute. At the same time it sucks to basically have him say he'd rather be by himself on Mother's Day rather than spend time with me and my family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I went out for breakfast this morning. This afternoon, my BIL was hosting a brunch with my mom and sister. DH refused to come, even after I asked him. He said he was looking forward to the "afternoon by himself." I am hurt because everyone else's spouse was there and he had no reason not to come.

He didn't want to. That's enough of a reason for an adult to not do something.

[Anonymous]

Listen, my husband is an introvert, and while he will willingly do family functions, he does also enjoy and need alone time to recharge. I wouldn't spring a last-minute thing on him like this.
I'm an extrovert, and last-minute social things don't phase me in the least, in fact I like them. DH and I respect that we have differences in these matters. He doesn't resent me for doing more social things, and I don't resent him for not always wanting to come along.
Again, if this had been a planned event, it would be understood that he would go.
No need for you to apologize, get defensive, or feel hurt.

[Anonymous]

I'd be annoyed too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I went out for breakfast this morning. This afternoon, my BIL was hosting a brunch with my mom and sister. DH refused to come, even after I asked him. He said he was looking forward to the "afternoon by himself." I am hurt because everyone else's spouse was there and he had no reason not to come.

He didn't want to. That's enough of a reason for an adult to not do something.

Not really.

I don't want to do the dishes right now. I have an event of DH's later this week that I don't particularly want to go to either. However, since I am an adult that is part of a marriage and a family, washing dishes so that we have something to eat from tonight is important and going to an event with my DH is also important. What kind of adult just saying "Because I don't want to" and that's enough to avoid family events on days that are specifically designated for family?

[Anonymous]

He spent time with you, and his relationship with his own mother is strained. Last minute plans. He gets a pass on this one. Be mad if you want, but to what end?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Listen, my husband is an introvert, and while he will willingly do family functions, he does also enjoy and need alone time to recharge. I wouldn't spring a last-minute thing on him like this.
I'm an extrovert, and last-minute social things don't phase me in the least, in fact I like them. DH and I respect that we have differences in these matters. He doesn't resent me for doing more social things, and I don't resent him for not always wanting to come along.
Again, if this had been a planned event, it would be understood that he would go.
No need for you to apologize, get defensive, or feel hurt.

I'm also an extrovert married to an introvert. I don't spring events on him generally, but if something comes up at the last minute, we have a conversation about whether it's something that's important to me or something that I don't care about. In the OP's situation, if it was important to me, I would communicate that to my husband. Does it suck to have to explicitly spell out "It is Mother's Day and I would like to spend time with all my family, so it is important to me that you come to this BBQ tonight"? Yes. Would I prefer that he intuitively grasp that such an event would be important to me, particularly after our many years together Absolutely. But that's not the way it works with us. We have to talk about it.