DH would not come to family Mother's Day celebration

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids?

Obviously, if OP is celebrated Mother's Day going out to breakfast.

Small kids? Or grown kids? OP doesn't say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is never any obligation to attend last minute plans. Full stop.

I feel that there is an obligation between spouses, when both are invited to a last minute thing, to discuss each spouse's preference regarding that event. It's not appropriate to just say, "Nah, I don't feel like going" and think that's the end of the conversation about a family invitation.

I don't know. I look at this way. If she had convinced him to go and he acted a complete ass or kept to himself, it seems like OP would have still been embarrassed. She wanted him to go and be as happy to be there as she was. I get the sense they have not been married long. 20 years in my DH (who is an introvert) has sucked it up at plenty of my family events (his parents are deceased). That's the part that is missing from the OP - does he regularly attend her family events without a fuss. Because now, all my DH has to say is "I don't really feel up to going this time" and I never mention it again. He has earned that pass by regularly going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Yes I understand it was last minute. At the same time it sucks to basically have him say he'd rather be by himself on Mother's Day rather than spend time with me and my family.

He spent the morning honoring you as planned. You want more-more-more...no. Not last minute, nope.

I agree. I'm more of an extrovert than DH, but he is almost always willing to do stuff with my family. This last minute thing, if he had planned to just relax and had already done something with you, I'd give him a pass.

[Anonymous]

They already went out and celebrated. Nothing worse than having to work all week looking forward to the weekend and then having to feel obligated to go to a function you dread. Sometimes you have to take one for the team. I would let it go, not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Back story: it was not planned. My parents were out of town until this morning. BIL called and said my parents were coming over for brunch and that we were invited. DH said no and he had a couple things he wanted to do on his own.

I guess I was under the premise he actually wanted to spend time with my family. He even bought my mom a present and picked out a card but when the time came he just didn't want to come.

He is estranged from his Mom, he didn't have any concrete plans today at all. He went to go buy SOCKS for gods sake.

Does he get along with your family or are the hard to deal with? How often do you see them? Is your mom a princess on Mother's Day (many are). Not that it really matters, even if he does like your family he gets to be his own person once in a while.

[Anonymous]

DH and I are both introverts, but I am way more likely to be put off by last minute invites than DH. It has always been a struggle for me to deal with last minute change to plans, even as a child (my mother has complained to me about this). It doesn't matter what my original plan was, whether it's important or just buying socks. I could see myself being in OP's DH's shoes and if I begged off going to the brunch, I would say it's less an example of me being selfish and inconsiderate and more of me being resistant to change and an introvert.