Frustrated with DH never doing what he says
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Anonymous
| Never is home when he says he will be, never does stuff around the house he says he will, never finishes any projects. All he does is work and then work later than he said he would. We have two young children and I am just venting for the most part. Just so damn frustrated. |
Anonymous
Has he looked into his "type" - http://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/ ? After finding out my husband is ENFP and I'm INTJ, it helps to understand him and our differences so much better. I still get frustrated, sure. But I understand his brain works totally different than mine. |
Anonymous
| So sorry, op. That does sound frustrating. Is there a way you can talk to him about this at a time that you're both calm? |
Anonymous
All the time. He says he is sorry and will stop. But...doesn't do that either. I am just so sick of having the ball dropped on me, every day. My mother says I should assume he will not do anything he says (she likes him so she doesn't mean this poorly) but just not to plan that he will ever do x,y,z and to always assume I am putting kids to bed, eating alone, hiring a contractor, etc. That way there is less disappointment and frustration. He is a good person, dad, at times husband. He is at work, not hanging with friends or doing anything otherwise enjoyable. |
Anonymous
| Can he change to a less stressful job? |
Anonymous
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Why is he always at work? Nature of the industry? Gunning for a promotion? Just a workaholic and always has been?
Does he want to be working this much? |
Anonymous
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ADD?
This sounds like my husband, except for the working late part. The only thing that worked for us was for him to have specific things assigned to him that never change. He cannot look around him and prioritize what needs to be done. Even so, it takes at least a week of reminders for him to make it a habit. We picked things he could do before work (help kids brush teeth, pour kids' milk and water cups, take out trash, water garden) and things he could do whenever he gets home (cat box and food, dishwasher). He also does bedtime, though, while I do dishes, so that's a big one your DH couldn't commit to. He does almost no major planning tasks like summer camps, clothes, appointments, classes, etc., but he does like to shop, so he's in charge of anything that needs research. He still often drops the ball, though he tries not to be annoyed when I remind him of things. Oh, and we hired a shit-ton of household help. |
Anonymous
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If he is truly apologetic and you think he has good intentions, maybe he has ADHD. He reminds me a lot of my husband. We have a similar system to PP where he has a lot of set tasks he does every day, while I handle more unpredictable stuff. Also, LISTS. Lists everywhere.
Can't really help you with the not being home when he says he will thing, though. That makes me wonder if he is just avoiding chores at home... |
Anonymous
| 5hoot his ass |
Anonymous
I do believe he is sorry and has good intentions. I don't think he has ADHD at all. He actually has laser focus...for work. I do think a set of tasks with a list could help though. |
Anonymous
People with ADHD can often have laser focus on a very specific thing (e.g. his current work project). It's the keeping track of all the various balls in the air that throws them. |
Anonymous
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I don't know about your husband, but mine has always been like this and it stems from pretty significant ADHD, which he is now only beginning to treat (at 55 years old).
ADHD is a dis-regulation of attention,which means that patients have a higher than normal propensity to tardy, disorganized and bored, as well as a higher than normal capacity to focus on things that are particularly interesting to them. It is eminently treatable. For some it just takes more than half a lifetime to admit they have it 
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Anonymous
That is classic ADD! Hyper focus on some things, but can't manage time and juggle tasks well enough to get all the work done on time. Keeping both home and work on track is too much for him. You need to figure out what he can do (maybe a set list in the morning) and build his tasks up gradually |
Anonymous
| Unless he is making a ton of money and measures success on that basis you have a problem. Even if he does measure success that way you have a problem. Why not ask him what the F is life all about? |
Anonymous
| Stop the f---ing whining and take him on. He's acting like an ass and you are putting up with it. Deal with it. You are being subservient to his laziness and he is getting away with it. |