What do I say to my kid when other parents clearly did the project for his classmates?

[Anonymous]

DS is in second grade. For a school project he spent the past two weekends making a musical instrument by himself from materials we have around the house. Coming across Facebook now are the pictures of the other instruments kids are bringing in. A few are like DS's (e.g., paper plate tambourines, formula can drums, beans-in-a-bottle shaker, etc.) but the rest...A carved wooden lap harp. A woven bamboo pan flute. A large four piece metal percussion set. They are beautiful. They are perfect. They were not done by a second grader.

I will take my cues form him of course, but I am worried he will be discouraged that the other instruments are "better". I want to let him know that I am proud and his is special because he made it by himself. Is it bad to acknowledge that the other kids got help from an adult? "Yours is fantastic and extra special because you made it by yourself. Larlo and Larla's are also really great, but I think they probably got a lot of help from their parents." I feel like it is a put down to the other kids' projects to say that, but maybe that's just my own feelings about parents doing kids' work for them.

Our school is actually a really friendly, low key place. My guess is that these parents weren't being crazy competitive but just got caught up in the fun of making something like this with their kid and took over more than they realized. But I don't want DS to be left with the misimpression that he didn't work hard enough. He did great. How do other parents address this situation with their kids?

[Anonymous]

Oh I definitely tell my kids that it's clear the parents did if not most, all of the work on that project.

Then I tell my kid he did a great job.

[Anonymous]

My kids don't necessarily think the projects made by the parents are better than theirs. So I definitely wait to discuss until I am asked about it. It's not that they don't discuss the other projects. Just that qualitatively, they don't see them as superior.

[Anonymous]

I think what you said is fine. I also say something like, "As a parent, I think it's important for you to do your own assignment, unless you need help. It is *your* assignment, not mine. You are capable. I don't know what the other parents are thinking, and I can't do anything about other people."

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry I did not help you and will next time.

[Anonymous]

Let your DS lead on this one. Keep your discussion centered on the features of the different instruments. Your kid has full ownership of his instrument, which should make him excited to talk about the project. Wait till you see or hear about any discouragement before you make any comparisons or explanations. Your kid may be more savvy than you realize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry I did not help you and will next time.

LOL

[Anonymous]

Right? So frustrating.

Our classroom presentations were PowerPoints and Reports that were 5- 10 pages long.

My kid wrote her slanting sentences onto a poster board.

I told my kid that she did an awesome job as SHE was the one to finish the project herself. And very very few did.

[Anonymous]

Pp here. I wonder what teachers think?!

[Anonymous]

When DD was in sixth grade she did some huge project for social studies. I "helped" by reading my book next to her, having her explain to me what she was doing, and providing snacks. She put over 15 hours into it. I offered to go with her to school to help her carry, and as we approached the gate and saw other kids, DD's steps slowed down.

I leaned over and whispered, "Don't worry - I will make sure Ms. Herkel knows you did your project yourself. It's clear the parents did a lot of these." She nodded and kept walking.

I found her teacher and said, "I just wanted to make sure you know, T did her project all by herself over the last week and a half. I provided the snacks." Her teacher smiled and said, "It's always obvious exactly which kids did all the work."

DD got an A. I can't worry about whether the other kids' parents got an A or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry I did not help you and will next time.

This. Help your kid OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Our school is actually a really friendly, low key place. My guess is that these parents weren't being crazy competitive but just got caught up in the fun of making something like this with their kid and took over more than they realized.

LOL, okay. Welcome to reality - you're just starting to get into it in 2nd grade. This will only get worse, so you're wise to ask how to handle it. But brace yourself for the next 10 years.

[Anonymous]

Welcome to helicopter parenthood. Later you will see the parents that help the kids with Science Fair and Tech projects and WIN. They do their kids homework and write papers and even their college essays and buy admission to top schools. They teach that winning at any cost is OK. These kids will be adults out in the world someday and your kids has to deal with them then in the business world.

Do you help your kids get ahead by cheating or teach them better moral values?

Moral values are for suckers IMHO.

[Anonymous]

OP - I know what school you attend just by the assignment. As a parent, I hated that assignment. Our kid brought in some piece of crap they did themselves. I remember seeing the other projects on display - definitely parent work.

[Anonymous]

Agree with what pps are saying but don't assume that just because a project is well done that the parents did all the work. Maybe the parents are particularly knowledgeable in instrament making so could direct the kid in a way that your average person can't. I work in a very specialized field and have helped dc with projects where to other people it probably does look like I did all the work, but in reality, I didn't. Having the right tools and materials on hand makes a huge difference, just sayin.