She bad mouthed me to my husband and he's angry and weirded out

[Anonymous]

Hubby and I have been married almost two years. We dated about two years before that. I give our marriage a solid 9. I really do. He really was and is my knight in shining armor after a dating life for me that was for the most part disappointing.

So things took a really bad turn last weekend. I had a friend (or so I thought!!!) who I've known forever. She and I had a bad falling out and she had the nerve to go and trash talk me to my husband. She told him that before we dated I was all sorts of crazy and had been in threesomes with guys and whatever.

He told me she told him and wanted to know if any of it was true. I didn't get into details or anything but said that there was a time when I did sexual stuff that looking in hindsight were not all that great. He kind of freaked out about all this and it's very tense in our home now. I don't know how to ease the tension and make things like they were before my ex friend became a vindictive *itch.

Could really really use some suggestions. Thanks

[Anonymous]

Let him explore your freak. Maybe a little rear action.
Spicy it up. He'll get over her and love you for the new fun.

[Anonymous]

Unless you did something illegal, I don't see why he should be that bothered by stuff that you did before you even met him. If he religious, from a conservative ethnic background?

[Anonymous]

First off, if you don't have kids yet don't start.
You need to get to the bottom of why your husband has
A Hang up now about your past.

He is the one that needs to get over it. You had a sex life before he came along. Not his concern or business.

As a guy I couldn't care less what my wife used to do. It's all about the now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let him explore your freak. Maybe a little rear action.
Spicy it up. He'll get over her and love you for the new fun.

I thought about this... It's just that we've never been all that adventurous in bed so i feel maybe it would be kind of awkward to start now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless you did something illegal, I don't see why he should be that bothered by stuff that you did before you even met him. If he religious, from a conservative ethnic background?

No, hes's not religious at all.

As far as conservative, he's not politically, no. As far as the bedroom, I'm pretty sure he's not as experienced as i am

[Anonymous]

You should have denied it all.

[Anonymous]

I'm a little surprised you're married to the man and this never came up before, at least in generalities. Don't most people discuss this? Not specifics, but past relationships and experiences.

He probably feels like you lied by omission.

[Anonymous]

He's mad because he was caught off guard and feels like he looked like a clueless idiot in front of your "friend" and he also now realizes you have more sexual experience than him.

I would also wonder what kind of person you were to have a "friend" like this.

Time and space. He'll get over it.

[Anonymous]

Time and space for sure. All that he wants or needs!!

It's just that now he wants to discuss specifics. We talked in "generalities" ages ago when we were dating and he was cool with me being more experienced. But I never went into details and now he wants to know details. Like with who, how many times, why, and all that. He's also pissed that I never told him about all that stuff. Plus he's way pissed that my former friend knew and that he didn't. He figures others have known all along. I don't really know how to approach all this

[Anonymous]

Yeah OP. He feels like a fool. You should have told him.

All you can do is own it and answer his questions. And apologize that he was put in that position with your friend.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't answer his questions. He sounds too insecure to handle the details. And you don't have anything to be ashamed of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't answer his questions. He sounds too insecure to handle the details. And you don't have anything to be ashamed of.

+1 Why does he want to know? So he can judge you, or feel inadequate and take it out on you? Hard pass.

[Anonymous]

He'll come around. Drop the friend. I had to drop two female friends in the first year of my marriage. One randomly baked and sent my husband (but not me!) cookies and other goodies and the other flattered my husband constantly in front of me, and also talked about how much better he was at various things (driving, cooking, interior design) than I was. I had been great friends with both for years until I got married. Not sure why this happens, but it sometimes does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah OP. He feels like a fool. You should have told him.

All you can do is own it and answer his questions. And apologize that he was put in that position with your friend.

I'm a guy and most of the response from the women are off base. This^ is what is going on. Your ex-friend probably embellished and that certainly didn't help matters at all. He feels that he doesn't know you.

How would you (or any woman here) feel if you found out intimate and sexual details of your SO/Spouse that you never knew. you know you would be furious, humiliated and a whole host of other emotions would be flowing through you.

Give the guy a break. No one ever wants to find out the sexual past of a SO/Spouse unless it comes from that person.