She bad mouthed me to my husband and he's angry and weirded out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah OP. He feels like a fool. You should have told him.

All you can do is own it and answer his questions. And apologize that he was put in that position with your friend.

I'm a guy and most of the response from the women are off base. This^ is what is going on. Your ex-friend probably embellished and that certainly didn't help matters at all. He feels that he doesn't know you.

How would you (or any woman here) feel if you found out intimate and sexual details of your SO/Spouse that you never knew. you know you would be furious, humiliated and a whole host of other emotions would be flowing through you.

Give the guy a break. No one ever wants to find out the sexual past of a SO/Spouse unless it comes from that person.

This. It's not about him being insecure or judging you for your sexual past. It's how he found out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah OP. He feels like a fool. You should have told him.

All you can do is own it and answer his questions. And apologize that he was put in that position with your friend.

I'm a guy and most of the response from the women are off base. This^ is what is going on. Your ex-friend probably embellished and that certainly didn't help matters at all. He feels that he doesn't know you.

How would you (or any woman here) feel if you found out intimate and sexual details of your SO/Spouse that you never knew. you know you would be furious, humiliated and a whole host of other emotions would be flowing through you.

Give the guy a break. No one ever wants to find out the sexual past of a SO/Spouse unless it comes from that person.

This. It's not about him being insecure or judging you for your sexual past. It's how he found out.

I totally get that. The way he found out was really *hitty I know.

He's also upset that i did what he views as stuff that doesn't interest me in doing with him which he takes as a sort of insult or something. Anyway this has just spiralled

[ZachF]

Anonymous wrote:


I totally get that. The way he found out was really *hitty I know.

He's also upset that i did what he views as stuff that doesn't interest me in doing with him which he takes as a sort of insult or something. Anyway this has just spiralled

Yeah, this has gone from bad to worse. Now he has the image of you doing those things your "friend" may have graphically described, with the knowledge that, while you were fine with doing those things with past guys who now mean nothing, you aren't willing to gift those same things to your husband. THAT is shitty and begs the question, why not?

[Anonymous]

What I want to know is, why did your frenemy do this terrible thing?????

[Anonymous]

ZachF wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


I totally get that. The way he found out was really *hitty I know.

He's also upset that i did what he views as stuff that doesn't interest me in doing with him which he takes as a sort of insult or something. Anyway this has just spiralled

Yeah, this has gone from bad to worse. Now he has the image of you doing those things your "friend" may have graphically described, with the knowledge that, while you were fine with doing those things with past guys who now mean nothing, you aren't willing to gift those same things to your husband. THAT is shitty and begs the question, why not?

Because she has agency and is able to decide with whom she wants to do what and when? Women's sexuality is not a menu men can look at and say, "yeah, I'll just have it all." Jfc does this really need explaining?

[Anonymous]

Also "gift those same things to your husband"...ugh. Come on.

[Anonymous]

ZachF wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


I totally get that. The way he found out was really *hitty I know.

He's also upset that i did what he views as stuff that doesn't interest me in doing with him which he takes as a sort of insult or something. Anyway this has just spiralled

Yeah, this has gone from bad to worse. Now he has the image of you doing those things your "friend" may have graphically described, with the knowledge that, while you were fine with doing those things with past guys who now mean nothing, you aren't willing to gift those same things to your husband. THAT is shitty and begs the question, why not?

You know the thing is that I HAVE told him that ALL the guys before him meant nothing and that's why it was possible that I got into certain stuff. With hubby I knew he was different in all good ways and I wanted to make sure that we started something real and meaningful - which we did. It's not like I don't love or care about him - I absolutely do! But I get that he feels humiliated to find out and figures everybody knows (even though everybody doesn't know). I need to convince him of that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't answer his questions. He sounds too insecure to handle the details. And you don't have anything to be ashamed of.

Yes, but if I don't answer he's going to think even "worse" things than was really the case. And what if that *itch gives him more "stories"??!

[Anonymous]

I'm going to call troll on this.

So here's a call to the DCUM sleuths...there was an eerily similar thread about this very same issue posted a year or two ago. Can I get a "Chase is one the Case" to dig up that old thread?

[Anonymous]

The use of "Hubby" makes me call troll, too. Who says that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The use of "Hubby" makes me call troll, too. Who says that?

These troll calling comments seem dumb to me. Use of certain words mean one is trolling? Even if they are trolling, so what? The topic and responses are interesting and thought provoking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah OP. He feels like a fool. You should have told him.

All you can do is own it and answer his questions. And apologize that he was put in that position with your friend.

I agree with this. He feels as though he doesn't know you. He thought you were A, and suddenly it turns out you are B, and WHOAH, what ELSE might you be that you haven't told him????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to call troll on this.

So here's a call to the DCUM sleuths...there was an eerily similar thread about this very same issue posted a year or two ago. Can I get a "Chase is one the Case" to dig up that old thread?

It's true that this exact topic comes up very regularly - same basic scenario, different characters. Wish I could find the old threads, there are several.
Those of us that really been here a long time would remember.

Basically - BF learns that GF/DW was more sexually adventurous in past relationships and feels betrayed, yada yada.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
It's true that this exact topic comes up very regularly - same basic scenario, different characters. Wish I could find the old threads, there are several.
Those of us that really been here a long time would remember.

Basically - BF learns that GF/DW was more sexually adventurous in past relationships and feels betrayed, yada yada.

Oh, men. Same basic scenario, different characters. There's a reason for that.

[Anonymous]

I agree that the way this is written seems a little suspect, but I do bet that this is not an uncommon thing (well, not the vindictive friend part). Woman was more sexually adventurous in her youth, is more conservative now, husband finds out and feels slighted and/or is mad.

I am a woman and I used to do all sorts of things I don't do now. It is because I had zero self esteem and felt worthless and like men could do whatever they wanted with me. It was completely unhealthy. I did not enjoy those things, sometimes they were downright upsetting, and I would sometimes cry once it was over because I felt so empty and used. I will never do those things again now. If my husband was mad at me for that, we have a serious issue. We do have a very active sex life that is not boring, but there are some more extreme things that are a bridge too far. Just because I may have done them in the past with someone else does not mean I will do them now. I am no longer willing to debase myself - for anyone.

And even if you don't have trauma associated with such things, maybe your tastes just changed? Why is that horrible? It does not mean the man you are with now is not loved. This goes both ways - men shouldn't have to do something they don't want to do either.