College dorm sleepovers

[Anonymous]

What do college kids think is acceptable these days when a boyfriend or girlfriend comes to visit in the dorm? What have been your experiences? DD's roommate's boyfriend visited for a weekend last semester but now wants to stay for a week! DD and roommate are friendly, but not best friends and I think it's absurd and taking advantage. And so weird to have them together in that little twin bed a few feet away. My son's girlfriend used to stay for an overnight once in awhile and it just seems different with gender reversal, though I know it shouldn't. DD doesn't want him there but doesn't want to cause a problem either.
Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Wow, I'm surprised the college allows that?! When I was in college, you had to get prior approval for overnight guests and it could never be for more than a night. I have three kids in school now and it is the same way for them as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I'm surprised the college allows that?! When I was in college, you had to get prior approval for overnight guests and it could never be for more than a night. I have three kids in school now and it is the same way for them as well.

Where did you go to school? Mine didn't have any rules like that, and that was nearly 30 years ago. My sister's dorms had strict rules, but she was at a catholic college.

[Anonymous]

Up to 3 nights with permission of roommate(s); more than 3 nights requires prior permission of Housing office. Parents are never allowed to stay overnight in dorm rooms -- even if student has a single.

[Anonymous]

If she doesn't want the guest for the week she should say so.

[Anonymous]

30 years ago, "officially" we couldn't have a person of the opposite sex in the room after midnight or before 6am.

[Anonymous]

To answer your question, your DD has to have a conversation with her roommate and indicate that occasional weekend nights are acceptable, but it is not acceptable for the entire week.

[Anonymous]

The girls need to work it out. Your DD's roommate should do the right thing and go to a hotel or pay for DD to stay at a hotel if she wants. But unless she and the boyfriend are rich, that's unlikely to happen.

Maybe DD could tell them she'll sleep over at another girl's place for two nights to give them privacy but she doesn't want guests staying more than two nights in a row when she's there. Whatever - she needs to compromise with her roommate and work it out.

[Anonymous]

Our DD sleeps in another friend's room when her roommate's bf visits. However, that is either for a night or a weekend max. A week is unreasonable. But this is something the girls need to work out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I'm surprised the college allows that?! When I was in college, you had to get prior approval for overnight guests and it could never be for more than a night. I have three kids in school now and it is the same way for them as well.

Where did you go to school? Mine didn't have any rules like that, and that was nearly 30 years ago. My sister's dorms had strict rules, but she was at a catholic college.

That surprises me. I went to a PA state school 23 years ago. In my wife's dorm and one other, guys had to be met in the lobby and escorted up and back down and visits were only allowed during specified hours. There was also an all men's dorm with similar rules. In the other buildings the opposite sex could stay over on weekends but weren't allowed to sleep there.

[Anonymous]

Obviously your DD needs to communicate with her roommate. As someone recently in college (I am 25) I can assure you that what is in the range of normal or what people are ok with is a very broad spectrum so you should truly let them work it out themselves.

My freshman year my roommate's bf came for a week at a time occasionally and very often on the weekends. Didn't bother me as I became friendly with both of them and am just pretty easygoing. Does not mean that your daughter needs to be ok with it but just wanted to point out that this is not totally inappropriate.

They are all adults and need to talk it out as one would do in any roommate situation.

[Anonymous]

25 years ago my roommate had her boyfriend sleep over every weekend. I remember feeling awkward and can't believe I never said anything and let it go on. This was at a big school in the Northeast.

[Anonymous]

There are certain restrictions and the length of time would be a violation but it's not like anyone is checking on them. RA is never around and probably wouldn't care anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our DD sleeps in another friend's room when her roommate's bf visits. However, that is either for a night or a weekend max. A week is unreasonable. But this is something the girls need to work out.

Kids at DC's college refer to this as sexile. Though it sounds like sometimes it's more of a hookup thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I'm surprised the college allows that?! When I was in college, you had to get prior approval for overnight guests and it could never be for more than a night. I have three kids in school now and it is the same way for them as well.

Graduated in the 80s and have never, ever heard of any non-religious, non-military/maritime college that still had parietal rules. Not one. Typically stay-overs involving the same or affiliated colleges aren't really scrutinized unless there's a complaint or problem. For non-students, unless there's a complaint or problem, usually it's a discretionary soft-cap.