College dorm sleepovers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our DD sleeps in another friend's room when her roommate's bf visits. However, that is either for a night or a weekend max. A week is unreasonable. But this is something the girls need to work out.

Kids at DC's college refer to this as sexile. Though it sounds like sometimes it's more of a hookup thing.

I think that term was dated 30 years ago NTTAWT

[Anonymous]

DD will talk with her roommate but I know she's unhappy it was even assumed of her and she knows not going along with it will create tension. It's hard for me to imagine imposing on others like this. It seems so thoughtless. But I don't even visit friends or family in a house for more than 2 days!

[Anonymous]

I think a week is to long for any guest

[Anonymous]

Graduated in 2004, no rules about overnight guests. Problems between roommates in this area were adjudicated like other roommate issues. In fact, I don't recall any of my high school friends at any of the colleges and universities we attended having rules about overnight opposite sex guests, other than maybe having to sign them in. I'm shocked y'all are shocked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our DD sleeps in another friend's room when her roommate's bf visits. However, that is either for a night or a weekend max. A week is unreasonable. But this is something the girls need to work out.

This is how we did it 15 year ago.

[Anonymous]

Boyfriend should make other arrangements. He has no class and doesn't respect either your DD or he roommate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our DD sleeps in another friend's room when her roommate's bf visits. However, that is either for a night or a weekend max. A week is unreasonable. But this is something the girls need to work out.

This is how we did it 15 year ago.

And 25 years ago as well. OP you sound like a babe in the woods. I definitely had a boyfriend in my room for days at a time in the early 90s. I know couples who more or less moved into one room. Someone else always had a single or a girl/boyfriend or whatever. I think the only reason they kept those "notification" rules on the books was so that there was something actionable in the event the visitor broke the rules or the roommate was totally uncool with it.

I had a "swingle" for two years because my roommate wa a local who basically lived with her (off campus, non student) boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boyfriend should make other arrangements. He has no class and doesn't respect either your DD or he roommate.

g

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I'm surprised the college allows that?! When I was in college, you had to get prior approval for overnight guests and it could never be for more than a night. I have three kids in school now and it is the same way for them as well.

Graduated in the 80s and have never, ever heard of any non-religious, non-military/maritime college that still had parietal rules. Not one. Typically stay-overs involving the same or affiliated colleges aren't really scrutinized unless there's a complaint or problem. For non-students, unless there's a complaint or problem, usually it's a discretionary soft-cap.

Virginia Tech had them in the 80's. I know because I was there and graduated in 1986.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our DD sleeps in another friend's room when her roommate's bf visits. However, that is either for a night or a weekend max. A week is unreasonable. But this is something the girls need to work out.

Kids at DC's college refer to this as sexile. Though it sounds like sometimes it's more of a hookup thing.

I think that term was dated 30 years ago NTTAWT

Yeah, I didn't mean to suggest it was new -- just that it didn't necessarily mean being displaced from your own room overnight (and that it was a common enough grievance it had a generally recognizable name).

[Anonymous]

It isn't the opposite sex thing. It's the dead fish thing. As in guests and fish both stink after three days.

A week is a huge imposition. Same deal if it were a sibling or a friend visiting from another state.

Your DD needs to find a way to assert herself. Saying "no" to this is more than reasonable.

[Anonymous]

In reality she asserts yourself by finding a better living situation
For next year. A week is nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It isn't the opposite sex thing. It's the dead fish thing. As in guests and fish both stink after three days.

A week is a huge imposition. Same deal if it were a sibling or a friend visiting from another state.

Your DD needs to find a way to assert herself. Saying "no" to this is more than reasonable.

As a roommate, my tolerance would be very different if sex were involved. In part because, "go somewhere else with your friend" is a much more reasonable/realistic demand if roomie and friend are doing something they can do together in public or in common areas of the dorm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It isn't the opposite sex thing. It's the dead fish thing. As in guests and fish both stink after three days.

A week is a huge imposition. Same deal if it were a sibling or a friend visiting from another state.

Your DD needs to find a way to assert herself. Saying "no" to this is more than reasonable.

As a roommate, my tolerance would be very different if sex were involved. In part because, "go somewhere else with your friend" is a much more reasonable/realistic demand if roomie and friend are doing something they can do together in public or in common areas of the dorm.

As a roommate, it's worse if sex is involved because it's awkward being in the same room. Easier if sibling/friend.

[Anonymous]

Why are you even involved? She is an adult. She can discuss with her roommate, go to the RA, or go to the head of the housing unit. There are systems in place to protect residents; she should speak up and activate that system.