On convincing spouse to be responsible with tax return / The art of compromising?

[Anonymous]

See title. Spouse wants to spend a portion of it. A larger portion that I want. I was thinking $0, but sure, maybe $100. He's thinking $1000.

Total return is $4600. Net worth is -97k.

Tips?

[Anonymous]

I think you mean refund, not return.

[Anonymous]

What is the cause of the negative net worth? What kind of debt do you have?

What does he want to spend it on? What did you want to put it towards? You say you wanted to spend $0, I assume you just mean spend $0 in a "fun" way and put it all to debt.

I generally am of the perspective of if you have consumer debt, you should be paying that down aggressively once you have a very basic emergency fund. So I'd make sure you have a couple months savings, then pay down debt. But it also depends on what he wants to spend it on and how much of it is a "want" vs a "need" you'll do at some point this year anyway.

[Anonymous]

save half spend half

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the cause of the negative net worth? What kind of debt do you have?

What does he want to spend it on? What did you want to put it towards? You say you wanted to spend $0, I assume you just mean spend $0 in a "fun" way and put it all to debt.

I generally am of the perspective of if you have consumer debt, you should be paying that down aggressively once you have a very basic emergency fund. So I'd make sure you have a couple months savings, then pay down debt. But it also depends on what he wants to spend it on and how much of it is a "want" vs a "need" you'll do at some point this year anyway.

^I do mean refund. thanks pp

The largest chunks are student loan (some large ones at 6.8% interest) and our mortgage. A larger auto loan, and one small auto loan that would be $0 if we put the entirety of the refund on it.
I want to put it all to debt. My perspective, which I am trying to adjust a little, is that we should have had that money last year. Most of it, if we had withheld properly. (We have already adjusted withholdings for the next year).
In that case, if we had had extra, we would have put it to debt. I mean, sure, maybe we would have spent more. But 2016 is gone, and we spent what we did, and this is extra to be responsible with. .... right?

We are holding off on retirement savings in order to pay the debt. For at least 3 years.

This is why I'm quite serious about spending none of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:save half spend half

Say you compromise.
If he says, save half spend half.
And you say put it all on debt.

The compromise would be to spend a quarter of it.

Then you each get half of that.

You put your 1/8 of the total on debt.

He puts 1/8 of the total on whatever he wants. That's $575. That's how my own DH and I would do it! But I'd probably want to spend a little.

[Anonymous]

What does he want to spend it on?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does he want to spend it on?

yes, please give some context OP. You left out a lot of important details. DCUMers can't determine who to side with otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does he want to spend it on?

yes, please give some context OP. You left out a lot of important details. DCUMers can't determine who to side with otherwise. [/quote

I haven't responded because ... I have no clue what he wants to spend it on.
In his mind I'm thinking:
-some household things we've been direly sacrificing on because of our frugal circumstance. (he's always complaining about our pillows)
-maybe some shoes or clothes
-maybe a little vacation
-a video game console he has mentioned.... he gets lots of pushback from me on this

I keep reminding him of at least some large things he could get if he doesn't waste it on small things.
-both of our laptops are dying - we could buy just one new one
-a big vacation, but nothing else

He does this all the time. For example. I got him a large Home depot gift card at christmas. He has been wanting like 4 large tools. Awesome, I can stop hearing him complain about not having those yard/house tools.
He spent ALL of it on 4 smaller things....that technically we could fit in the usual day-to-day. 3 of those things were a bust--still have screen door/outlet problem. And the big gift card is gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does he want to spend it on?

yes, please give some context OP. You left out a lot of important details. DCUMers can't determine who to side with otherwise. [/quote

I haven't responded because ... I have no clue what he wants to spend it on.
In his mind I'm thinking:
-some household things we've been direly sacrificing on because of our frugal circumstance. (he's always complaining about our pillows)
-maybe some shoes or clothes
-maybe a little vacation
-a video game console he has mentioned.... he gets lots of pushback from me on this

I keep reminding him of at least some large things he could get if he doesn't waste it on small things.
-both of our laptops are dying - we could buy just one new one
-a big vacation, but nothing else

He does this all the time. For example. I got him a large Home depot gift card at christmas. He has been wanting like 4 large tools. Awesome, I can stop hearing him complain about not having those yard/house tools.
He spent ALL of it on 4 smaller things....that technically we could fit in the usual day-to-day. 3 of those things were a bust--still have screen door/outlet problem. And the big gift card is gone.

^Clarity on the gift card. It would have bought him *one* of the four large tools he wants. It would have been a start. Instead, the gift card is gone, and he still doesn't have any of the four large tools on his wishlist.

[Anonymous]

Op again. I just want to say some nice things about DH. None of the above is to be mean. He has money quirks, I have mine. We all have them. He is otherwise very cool, very sweet, and works really hard.

[Anonymous]

I guess putting it on debt is like spending, in that you already did the spending, but now you're actually paying for it.

[Anonymous]

You did the right thing fixing your withholding.

How's this for a compromise: pay off the auto loans, and each month you budget a portion of the foregone monthly car payment for a small splurge (but in a total amount than is less than the refund). I find that lots of little splurges make me happier than one big one, and this way you have treats all year.

[Anonymous]

I'd knock out the car loan. But also maybe portion a small of the refund to spend together. So not on a video game system, but on a fancy dinner out or something.

Or maybe buy some pillows? I mean those can't cost much...

[Anonymous]

My DH and I feel very differently about money. We made a list. I put all the things that were most important to me on my list. He put all the things that were most important to him on his list. My list looked a lot like yours - debt and retirement. His looked a lot like your DH's - some quality of life things, some fun things.

We then merged the lists. Without worrying about a specific amount of money, so don't do this in the sense of "we're allocating the tax refund." Ours was a ranked list. Some of his things moved up high, some of mine. When he saw things like "new floor mats for the car" next to "pay off credit card from replacing the tires 6 months ago, paying 12% interest" he could agree that maybe the credit card was a smidge higher. But when I saw that the top 3 priority items were all paying off bills, it made me a little more flexible when he fought hard for position #4 which was something like new pillows. Some quality of life things are important, and just because I can do without them doesn't mean he can.

Have you tried something like that?