On convincing spouse to be responsible with tax return / The art of compromising?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I feel very differently about money. We made a list. I put all the things that were most important to me on my list. He put all the things that were most important to him on his list. My list looked a lot like yours - debt and retirement. His looked a lot like your DH's - some quality of life things, some fun things.

We then merged the lists. Without worrying about a specific amount of money, so don't do this in the sense of "we're allocating the tax refund." Ours was a ranked list. Some of his things moved up high, some of mine. When he saw things like "new floor mats for the car" next to "pay off credit card from replacing the tires 6 months ago, paying 12% interest" he could agree that maybe the credit card was a smidge higher. But when I saw that the top 3 priority items were all paying off bills, it made me a little more flexible when he fought hard for position #4 which was something like new pillows. Some quality of life things are important, and just because I can do without them doesn't mean he can.

Have you tried something like that?

Great suggestion and really helpful to someone who is trying to figure out how to compromise!! Thank you for sharing (not the OP but this is just great advice in general!).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I feel very differently about money. We made a list. I put all the things that were most important to me on my list. He put all the things that were most important to him on his list. My list looked a lot like yours - debt and retirement. His looked a lot like your DH's - some quality of life things, some fun things.

We then merged the lists. Without worrying about a specific amount of money, so don't do this in the sense of "we're allocating the tax refund." Ours was a ranked list. Some of his things moved up high, some of mine. When he saw things like "new floor mats for the car" next to "pay off credit card from replacing the tires 6 months ago, paying 12% interest" he could agree that maybe the credit card was a smidge higher. But when I saw that the top 3 priority items were all paying off bills, it made me a little more flexible when he fought hard for position #4 which was something like new pillows. Some quality of life things are important, and just because I can do without them doesn't mean he can.

Have you tried something like that?

Great suggestion and really helpful to someone who is trying to figure out how to compromise!! Thank you for sharing (not the OP but this is just great advice in general!).

OP back again. Yes, this was really great.
I'm feeling like another good suggestion was giving him 1/8 of the refund (ha! "giving him").
But that feels good to me, especially since it comes out to 500 or more.
The last piece of info is that earlier we had estimated a 4000 refund. So the +600 we'll be receiving can be his.

You all, he has a very stressful job and I'm realizing this like an emotionally important thing to him. To get this one splurge.

I think this question comes up for a lot of couples. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

"Give" him the $1000. Put the rest toward your debt. Some people are good at buckling all the way down and paying off debt. Others need a periodic mental and emotional break from it. Sounds like your DH is the latter.

When we first got married, our tax refund was huge. My new DH wanted to use a quarter of it for something I considered frivolous (stupid, even). He got his toy and we invested the rest. I have never regretted "allowing" that splurge.

[Anonymous]

We've talked and agreed he'll get 1/8 to do what he wants.
He convinced me to take my 1/8 and, yes, pay off debt since that's what I want. But he said I need to go out shopping at least once / buy something I really want even if it's small. I'll decide when it arrives.

My little concern is that he'll spend it, but won't feel any better. When it comes up, a couple of times last night, I mentioned this. I reminded him to really think it through and take his time.

I think we've resolved it. Thx again.