Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work and honestly don’t care. When your kids are all school age like mine, nobody talks about this any more. At that point, if you stay home you want to not work, you aren’t “raising” anything more than anyone else.

This doesn’t apply if you are a homeschooler, in which case we likely won’t get along for different reasons.

As a working mom confused at how obsessed these SAHMs are with the topic of this thread, thank you for articulating what I was planning to reply. Goes to show that having a job teaches you how to think, and write clearly.

Also, to the women who are proud of having fancy degrees only to stay at home, how sad that you likely took the place of an ambitious young woman who wanted a real career—and not just a chance to interact with Ivy League men to marry one.

I am not the Harvard poster, but I don't think most women (including myself) knew they would stay home while making choices about college and grad school. You are so young at that time! Many women I know worked for 15 or more years before staying home with kids. Then they left for various reasons, but not things that were necessarily planned in advance. I think your comment is kind of silly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp again. More than working status, I do think the education standards of the mother matter greatly. DH and I both attended top colleges and our kids expect and also want to attend a top school. I see a huge difference in kids whose parents went to an ivy or other top school and guiding their kids. An uneducated or SAHM who was never professionally successful is different than your Harvard law educated SAHM married to a big law partner.

Oh my, wait until you find out that Princeton had a 25% acceptance rate back when you applied, but has a 7% now. How will you “guide” them to your version of success now?

I’m not worried about my kids. They run circles around me and DH. Yes, I’m well aware admissions are more difficult. I have full confidence in my kids. Will they end up at a T20 school? Maybe and that is fine too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work and honestly don’t care. When your kids are all school age like mine, nobody talks about this any more. At that point, if you stay home you want to not work, you aren’t “raising” anything more than anyone else.

This doesn’t apply if you are a homeschooler, in which case we likely won’t get along for different reasons.

As a working mom confused at how obsessed these SAHMs are with the topic of this thread, thank you for articulating what I was planning to reply. Goes to show that having a job teaches you how to think, and write clearly.

Also, to the women who are proud of having fancy degrees only to stay at home, how sad that you likely took the place of an ambitious young woman who wanted a real career—and not just a chance to interact with Ivy League men to marry one.

I am not the Harvard poster, but I don't think most women (including myself) knew they would stay home while making choices about college and grad school. You are so young at that time! Many women I know worked for 15 or more years before staying home with kids. Then they left for various reasons, but not things that were necessarily planned in advance. I think your comment is kind of silly.

I’m the pp and I did meet my DH when I was at Harvard. I was equal or more ambitious than my husband when we met and earned more than him when we got married. I worked for 16 years before I stopped working. I was a working mom for 6 years and stopped working when I had my third. DH was earning seven figures and we decided together that I would stay home with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Pp again. Not everyone loves working in law or being a consultant or whatever demanding career they had before having children. I worked in finance and loved working. I used to work 70-80 hours per week. I cut down and the jobs I took weee not as enjoyable and I wanted to be with my kids more than be at my job. This is not a jab at anyone. I personally wanted to be with my kids. I used to get a high working on billion dollar transactions. I got paid well. I love making bracelets with my daughter, bailing cookies, waiting for her after school, etc. I was not saving the world. I made rich people richer and made a lot of money while doing it. DH still earns a seven figure income so we didn’t need my income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's just a bonkers inflammatory way to phrase your own choices. I honestly don't care and have been both, but you don't start out with this phrasing unless you're looking to pick a fight.

I agree. Thems fighting words. And same, I’ve been both sahm and working mom, it wouldn’t offend me but I’d assume someone is trying to instigate or offend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's just a bonkers inflammatory way to phrase your own choices. I honestly don't care and have been both, but you don't start out with this phrasing unless you're looking to pick a fight.

I agree. Thems fighting words. And same, I’ve been both sahm and working mom, it wouldn’t offend me but I’d assume someone is trying to instigate or offend.

I really don’t think anyone says this in real life. I just wrote above that I wanted to be with my kids more than be at my job. This is true about myself. I don’t say this anyone in real life. I have been home for 7 years. When I decided to stay home, I think I said I was taking a break or felt burnt out. No one really questioned or asked why I was home with my 3 kids. It seems pretty obvious why I am home.

[Anonymous]

Genuine question: I only read the “recent threads” board on dcum. Would the career board be working woman friendly or is this sentiment there similar to this thread where it’s all tradwives? I like dcum but I don’t want to see posts about working moms from rich women without jobs who enjoy being smug online.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pp again. Not everyone loves working in law or being a consultant or whatever demanding career they had before having children. I worked in finance and loved working. I used to work 70-80 hours per week. I cut down and the jobs I took weee not as enjoyable and I wanted to be with my kids more than be at my job. This is not a jab at anyone. I personally wanted to be with my kids. I used to get a high working on billion dollar transactions. I got paid well. I love making bracelets with my daughter, bailing cookies, waiting for her after school, etc. I was not saving the world. I made rich people richer and made a lot of money while doing it. DH still earns a seven figure income so we didn’t need my income.

Tell us again how much your DH earns? LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Genuine question: I only read the “recent threads” board on dcum. Would the career board be working woman friendly or is this sentiment there similar to this thread where it’s all tradwives? I like dcum but I don’t want to see posts about working moms from rich women without jobs who enjoy being smug online.

They take over working mom threads too. Basically they don’t have a life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://apple.news/AxCPrBn7DT5uYHTvOHKPldw

Oh look, a female F500 CEO who is confident enough to say she spends 30% of her time with her children. She’s saying this works best for her. What she’s not doing is pretending that she is 100% available to her children. She is not claiming that because her children are in school it doesn’t matter that she doesn’t see them in the morning and at night. She’s saying that she’s very intentional when spending time with her kids and that works for her. She’s not saying her neighbor who is a SAHM parents less than she does because of x or y or that it doesn’t matter at all, but that she is comfortable with the trade off.

Maybe if more women could accept the reality that work life balance is a lie in the US, women would stop vilifying women who make different choices around parenting and find some respect for each other and the people who provide childcare/work in early childhood education. Instead of anonymously saying SAHMs are too stupid to make grocery lists, which is 100% internalized misogyny, we should be telling our reps that the US should invest more in these areas and that we also need standard parental leave.

You really are comparing a CEO’s schedule to your average worker bee?

Glad I can anonymously say you’re pretty dumb!

Well you’ve missed the entire point of what I wrote, so looks like you should work on reading comprehension. But also, why do you feel so threatened that you have to name call? Most of us are moms and we tell our kids not to call people things, like dumb, but you are so undisciplined you can’t even do that yourself.

I certainly don't feel threatened but I am also not the one on here trumpeting the SAHM cause - sounds like you feel a need to justify your choices

[Anonymous]

I mean, it's not the best or most enlightened phrase. Some of the best moms I know are high level accomplished women. There are also terrible stay at home moms. Same goes for dads.

[Anonymous]

I always hate the SAHM and WOHM debates because in my circles living in multiple places, I've had a good mix of friends. I've also been both a SAHM (7 years) and a WOHM (now divorced). For me the big debate is whether people are judgmental v nonjudgmental and if they can handle the fact that people are free to make choices that best suit their families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I only say that in response to people who constantly think they’re the only ones who are busy and imply my life is so relaxing compared to theirs because they work.

But also, it’s the truth. I don’t work because I wanted to raise my kids. PhD scientist here so don’t worry about my brain, it’s doing just fine.

Yikes. Please stop saying it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always hate the SAHM and WOHM debates because in my circles living in multiple places, I've had a good mix of friends. I've also been both a SAHM (7 years) and a WOHM (now divorced). For me the big debate is whether people are judgmental v nonjudgmental and if they can handle the fact that people are free to make choices that best suit their families.

Saying that someone isn't raising their kids because they have a job isn't true, and is rude to boot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always hate the SAHM and WOHM debates because in my circles living in multiple places, I've had a good mix of friends. I've also been both a SAHM (7 years) and a WOHM (now divorced). For me the big debate is whether people are judgmental v nonjudgmental and if they can handle the fact that people are free to make choices that best suit their families.

Saying that someone isn't raising their kids because they have a job isn't true, and is rude to boot.

You are twisting the words. If someone said they stay home because they didn’t want someone else to raise their kids, that doesn’t mean a person with a job isn’t raising their kids. I can’t imagine a scenario where someone would so rudely say that to a working mother because it is rude to say. I say this as a sahm who used to be a working mom and will probably one day again be a working mom.