To a Jewish woman would you be offended?

[Anonymous]

I am in a tennis league with about 8 other women, some of whom I have become friendly with. We go out once a month for dinner (all of us most of the time). One of them got divorced last year and is educated, attractive in that she is fit and together (not a beauty and very successful.

We were all talking and someone (not Jewish) asked if she has started dating to which she replied somewhat and if someone comes along that interests her, she will give it a chance to which another friend replies "My husbands law partner is a widow and I think he could be a good match for you, hes Jewish and you are Jewish and even though he said he is not attracted to a typical looking Jewish woman I think he might like you".

This made me uncomfortable for a host of reasons. She seemed OK with it but in talking to another friend this morning, we both agreed it was awkward and a bit rude. It seemed ignorant and like she was stereotyping. Do you agree? Am I overreacting? The way she said it seemed like it was done with genuine good will/intent on possibly playing matchmaker but that extra information just felt wrong. Just curious....

[Anonymous]

OP here meant the person asking her if shes dating, etc...was the non Jewish person here.

[Anonymous]

It was a little bit of an awkward thing for someone to say.

[Anonymous]

I think it was fine until right here... "even though he said he is not attracted to a typical looking Jewish woman I think he might like you"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it was fine until right here... "even though he said he is not attracted to a typical looking Jewish woman I think he might like you"

This! Nasty

[Anonymous]

She was saying "You'll have the same values and he'll still be interested in you because you don't have the stereotypical Jewish Big Nose which he's said he doesn't like."

It was blunt. Blunt can be hurtful.

[Anonymous]

Totally inappropriate

[Anonymous]

Yeah I would have felt awkward but I wouldn't show it. People have said ignorant things about Jews in front of me all my life, so I have learned to let it roll off my back. Most of the time these people mean well, just ignorant. I am a pretty typical looking Jewish woman, btw.

[Anonymous]

I think its very rude. What did she mean? To say hes not attracted to a typical Jewish woman implies they are not attractive. I would have been offended.

[Anonymous]

The intention was good, but execution was wrong. Maybe she knows the woman would not be with someone who was not Jewish.

[Anonymous]

Not nice but not terrible, you could easily insert x doesn't typically like Irish looking women with red hair or whatever but he might like you...I'd call it slur lite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She was saying "You'll have the same values and he'll still be interested in you because you don't have the stereotypical Jewish Big Nose which he's said he doesn't like."

It was blunt. Blunt can be hurtful.

This.

[Anonymous]

What if the comment was about an Irish catholic divorcee. Suppose the comment was, "I have an Irish catholic colleague that is widowed and he's looking to date but typically hates the Irish look. But you're not a readhead or fair sckinned, so I think he might like you."

[Anonymous]

I think that statement would forever cast doubt on that pairing and on her belief in his attraction to her. She would be wondering whether she is "mainstream" enough to hold his attraction and whether he has other sort of anti-stereotypical dislikes that she has to watch out for. No bagels and lox? No Yiddishisms?

[Anonymous]

The other thing that is somewhat irksome (but not totally) is the assumption that because the law partner is Jewish and the woman in question is Jewish they should be set up. That's such a flimsy basis for matchmaking.