I'M STILL UPSET . . .

[Anonymous]

that my child didn't get into my first two choices. The only thing that makes me feel a little better is that there are many children in the U.S. and, of course, all of the future leaders of the world will not matricluate from these two schools in D.C. Heck, our president didn't attend Sidwell and he's doing pretty darn well. Just a vent. Anybody else out there whose child didn't get into their first choice (and, as a consequence, decide to attend their third choice), but did quite well anyway? Please don't get upset woth this post. It's just my honest feeling . . .

[Anonymous]

You'll get over it. Our child didn't get into our top four choices but loves #5 (and we do too).

[Anonymous]

While I can understand your disappointment, I would recommend trying to move on. We are at a non-"big three". Several times, I've seen parents who come in still hung up on the fact that DC didn't get into "big three" school and until they were willing to let that go, they weren't able to embrace their school. In all of these cases, once they let it go, they were able to admit that DC is thriving, and they love the school.

[Anonymous]

The reality is that most children are not at Big 3 schools and do very well. Embrace the school you have chosen. And those big 3s go on for 14 years - maybe your child will end up at one at some point down the road.

[Anonymous]

OP,
Most people outside DC do not know the names of the top schools in DC unless they have friends who live here or went to college with alum of these schools. Relax! It's the child, not the school! My child ended up going to our second choice, waitlisted at first, and is thriving. I bet you will be pleasantly surprised once you get into the school year. We were.

[Anonymous]

You'll stop being upset around Late October / early November when you realize the school you did choose is a good fit for your kid. And you'll be happy it turned out the way it did.

[Anonymous]

And if you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with, love the one you're with....

[Anonymous]

I felt like you did for quite a while. I took the "waitlist" news as someone judging my child as less intelligent, or less qualified than the other children who were admitted.

My child received 99% on the WPPSI, received praise from the teachers on the playdate, had great recommendations - but still waitlisted.

The reaction, I think, isn't rational - if it were someone else's child, we would say, "oh, they can't possibly know your child's potential through a single exam and short playdate on one given day - don't take it personally"...

But when it's your own kid, it's hard to take it any other way. (Particularly if you know some other kids who were admitted who you don't feel were as develomentally or academically or socially as advanced as your own child.)

It took a little time, but I now have no real upset at the waitlisting (and not getting in) - With so many 99% WPPSI's, the attempt to make classes 'diverse' with older and younger kids, outgoing and introverted kids, siblings (which in some schools take up as many as 50% of the incoming seats) and ethic diversity (I've heard some schools try to have ~40% racially diverse classes.)

The schools do their best to create the classes they want and supply/demand frorces quite a lot o wonderful kids to be left out. It's not a relection on your own child - you'll get over it and move on and you won't have regrets - promise!

[Anonymous]

PS - Though I do feel that private schools should manage the parents' expectations. These schools all deal in generalizations regarding the admissions numbers. If parents knew that half the seats were going to go to siblings, that 40% of the class would be non-white, and that there are usually 250 applications for those seats - then parents would realize that after a certain point (high WPPSI, good playdate) - that it's essentially a lottery.

The schools never give that impression - always upbeat and hopeful that *your* child will get in, which, given the numbers, isn't realistic.

If they'd said to parents upfront - "most of you are looking at a 15% chance of admission" - then there'd be fewer disappointed parents, I think....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PS - Though I do feel that private schools should manage the parents' expectations. These schools all deal in generalizations regarding the admissions numbers. If parents knew that half the seats were going to go to siblings, that 40% of the class would be non-white, and that there are usually 250 applications for those seats - then parents would realize that after a certain point (high WPPSI, good playdate) - that it's essentially a lottery.

The schools never give that impression - always upbeat and hopeful that *your* child will get in, which, given the numbers, isn't realistic.



If they'd said to parents upfront - "most of you are looking at a 15% chance of admission" - then there'd be fewer disappointed parents, I think....

Why do they need to spell out the odds? If one knows all those factors, then they can deduce the odds. If your DC is not a sibling, then there is a certain amount of luck involved in admissions. And not all schools have as strong an emphasis on sibling preference. We chose a range of schools, some were reaches, some we were a little bit more confident. Admissions were up at a number of schools this year. We were fortunate that our DC got in to our top choice, but part of it is due to luck even though DC had strong WPPSI, good recs, good playdate, etc. And a PP made a good point that classes need balance of intros/extroverts, etc. An applicant/family can't plan for that.

[Anonymous]

I think they should spell out the odds to manage parents' expectations. As the OP and I both were disappointed with our outcomes, that could have been mitigated if we knew what the actual odds of admission were...

When I started the process, I assumed that the number of applicants and the number of open spaces determined the chances of admission, but later learned - mostly via this forum - about the sibling policies, the racial balancing, the early and late birthdays.

Taking those factors into consideration gives a completely different perspective on the actual chances of admission. Had we known the odds - even with 99 WPPSI, great playdate, $$ and recs - were so very low, we certainly would have had different expectations and less disappointment.

[Anonymous]

Oh, the point of my post was that many people going through the application process for the first time are not aware of all the factors...

[Anonymous]

I think schools should indeed do a better job of letting you know the odds, if only because it's a calamity that some parents, like 11:51, think their kid has been judged and failed. (Not to bash 11:51, who was quite honest, and thanks for that.)

But I'm not optimistic that schools will ever let you know your odds in a meaningful way. Face it, it's in the schools' interest to maximize the number of applicants, so they have their pick from the most possible candidates.

Of course, they all *mention* siblings and diversity. But it's all done with smiley, encouraging faces, and they never come right out and say that, specifically, X% of the slots are going to siblings and Y% to diversity (and let's not even get into connections and big donors, which I've seen in action because yes, DC did get into a top 3 although not by this route). So it's unrealistic to think that people just "know all those factors and can deduce the odds" like a PP said.

So while I'd like for everybody to know their real chances, I doubt that the schools, which possess the information, will ever make it available in a meaningful way.

For the rest of the story, that's why we have friends and sources like DCUM -- so we can all grope around in the dark and try to figure out what's really going on.

[Anonymous]

count your blessings...I applied to 4 schools and did not get into any. Would you like to trade places with our family? At least you got acceptance into one. Move one and embrace the school who saw something special in your child and is willing to embrace your family into thier community

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think schools should indeed do a better job of letting you know the odds, if only because it's a calamity that some parents, like 11:51, think their kid has been judged and failed. (Not to bash 11:51, who was quite honest, and thanks for that.)

But I'm not optimistic that schools will ever let you know your odds in a meaningful way. Face it, it's in the schools' interest to maximize the number of applicants, so they have their pick from the most possible candidates.

Of course, they all *mention* siblings and diversity. But it's all done with smiley, encouraging faces, and they never come right out and say that, specifically, X% of the slots are going to siblings and Y% to diversity (and let's not even get into connections and big donors, which I've seen in action because yes, DC did get into a top 3 although not by this route). So it's unrealistic to think that people just "know all those factors and can deduce the odds" like a PP said.

So while I'd like for everybody to know their real chances, I doubt that the schools, which possess the information, will ever make it available in a meaningful way.

For the rest of the story, that's why we have friends and sources like DCUM -- so we can all grope around in the dark and try to figure out what's really going on.

But the prospects change from year to year. A school can't say "you have a 1 in 10 chance" because maybe there are factors in the admissions pool, factors that surface during the admissions season, which change the odds. The situation is fluid and the odds are long.