Did "stop caring" help your marriage?

[Anonymous]

Just wondering if anyone, after reading the 'stopping caring saved my marriage', actually did this and did it help?

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/587426.page

[Anonymous]

No one?

[Anonymous]

You posted this at 2 a.m. Not all of us are morning people.

[Anonymous]

It helped with my inlaws if that counts.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I read it and continued on that path which I had independently decided on. The negative of course is that you care less about everything in the marriage, not just the stupid crap, but it does help.

[Anonymous]

It has helped me let some of the little things go. It also has helped me make it clear where I just am or am not going to do something, and that's my firm stand on it--so it probably has helped HIM see the big things and let the little things go...because now I'm so generally easygoing that when I do put my foot down, he gets that it is a "final answer."

Also, when he sees me doing more-more-more without waiting for him or expecting him to do it, it makes him want to do more. So instead of fighting about laundry, he sees that I do way more on that front and makes a point to pitch in. Instead of fighting about making dinners, he just sees that I cook about four times a week, and serve leftovers...and some nights he comes home, and I say there is "kid food" and leftovers and nothing else, and he realizes he can eat what is there or cook something.

It's not a magic cure-all, but I think I'm happier and more relaxed.

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing you might have trouble stopping caring if you were bummed that no one answered your post between 2-8am, while most people are sleeping and getting ready for work.

Yeah it works. But you can't pretend to stop caring while you're really still keeping track of all the things you stopped caring about. You have to let go and be your best you. You should be doing that anyway, but I think a lot of people get bogged down with trying to have the best family/marriage/whatever, and forget to be their best self. When you get back to being your best self and worry less about trying to make other people be better, it's easier for other people to want to be better too.

[Anonymous]

It definitely helped me. My wife can get very negative and down. Also, she has low sex drive, or probably normal drive based on what I have read here. It's not so much that I stopped caring but more that I realize I can't be responsible for her happiness. That's on her. I used to walk around on eggshells trying to keep her from complaining about something. Not anymore. When she gets moody, I find something to do, leave the house, go have a good time with friends.

It's more about letting yourself lead a happy life rather than getting dragged into b.s. from a negative spouse.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it dramatically improved my marriage. When I stopped feeling like I had any role in my husband's happiness, I realized there was way, way more space for my own. If I wanted to see a movie and he didn't, I didn't view it as a rejection of me; I saw the movie and kept it moving. When I wanted something done around the house, I did it. If I made a dinner or did something thoughtful, I didn't do it expecting any kudos or thanks. I did it because I wanted to try the recipe, buy the gift, etc.

When I started doing this, the strangest thing happened. My husband became more thoughtful, attentive, and grateful. It was like a switch happened. I appreciate the consideration now, but I don't NEED him to be happy. I just am.

[Anonymous]

I checked out emotionally from my marriage years ago, from my experience it doesn't really fix anything it just makes it easier to deal with the situation and in some cases that's the best we can hope for.