Has sex become more vanilla?

[Anonymous]

DW and I are 40-50's with 2 children. Early in our relationship and marriage, sex was freaky. Not threesomes and BDSM freaky, but beyond vanilla. Over time, DW seems to be less interested in freaky and more vanilla. For example, in our 20's she'd be all over a nude beach. Today, if we get it on, she draws all the curtains, even if we're at a hotel.

For clarity, I get enough and of enough variety that I'm happy. But I do miss the old days at times.

For those with reasonably healthy sex lives, did you see a shift to more conservative as you aged?

[Anonymous]

Most women of that age are not going to be eager to present their nude bodies to strangers.

I could happily dance in public in a string bikini in my 20s but there is no way that is happening 20 years later.

[Anonymous]

First (and the main thing): Middle-aged mom bodies are not advertised as hot in our culture, to understate it, and many women take it to heart.

Second: If sexual activities narrow over time, it can be that mature women have figured out what feels good, so that's what they like to do most. They'll still mix it up and do things you suggest because YOU like them, but once the novelty wears off, there's no motivation to keep doing things that don't feel good to them.

[Anonymous]

Could be any number of things, but I think a fair number of women have trouble seeing themselves as moms & sexual beings at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First (and the main thing): Middle-aged mom bodies are not advertised as hot in our culture, to understate it, and many women take it to heart.

Second: If sexual activities narrow over time, it can be that mature women have figured out what feels good, so that's what they like to do most. They'll still mix it up and do things you suggest because YOU like them, but once the novelty wears off, there's no motivation to keep doing things that don't feel good to them.

Middle age bodies are not hot for most people. Truth is that most people are not hot. I am firmly in that group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First (and the main thing): Middle-aged mom bodies are not advertised as hot in our culture, to understate it, and many women take it to heart.

Second: If sexual activities narrow over time, it can be that mature women have figured out what feels good, so that's what they like to do most. They'll still mix it up and do things you suggest because YOU like them, but once the novelty wears off, there's no motivation to keep doing things that don't feel good to them.

Middle age bodies are not hot for most people. Truth is that most people are not hot. I am firmly in that group.

Guy here - I love my wife's late 30s body, as much as I loved her 20s body.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could be any number of things, but I think a fair number of women have trouble seeing themselves as moms & sexual beings at the same time.

OP here. Thanks for all the comments. This one strikes me as particularly insightful.

[Anonymous]

Sex has become so vanilla. I'm sooo bored. I'm in my early 30s he's in his late 40s. We used to do filthy things. Now he is just boring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sex has become so vanilla. I'm sooo bored. I'm in my early 30s he's in his late 40s. We used to do filthy things. Now he is just boring.

what is filthy

[Anonymous]

Things were never kinky, but they were much more exciting: nude sunbathing that led to hot sex at a secluded vacation house, hot tub sex, road head, etc.

Now it's once per week almost always between 10 and 11 pm even if we have time and opportunity to fool around at different times/locations. Positions/acts are down to a very small approved list.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First (and the main thing): Middle-aged mom bodies are not advertised as hot in our culture, to understate it, and many women take it to heart.

Second: If sexual activities narrow over time, it can be that mature women have figured out what feels good, so that's what they like to do most. They'll still mix it up and do things you suggest because YOU like them, but once the novelty wears off, there's no motivation to keep doing things that don't feel good to them.

THIS is the most true thing I have ever read on DCUM -- it's not about The conflict between being a mother and a sexual creature once the kids are in elementary school, it's a matter of how much time vs. how much sleep do I need vs. what works to get everyone off. If road head did anything for me and no kids were in the car, that would be done so much you would think it was vanilla.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First (and the main thing): Middle-aged mom bodies are not advertised as hot in our culture, to understate it, and many women take it to heart.

Second: If sexual activities narrow over time, it can be that mature women have figured out what feels good, so that's what they like to do most. They'll still mix it up and do things you suggest because YOU like them, but once the novelty wears off, there's no motivation to keep doing things that don't feel good to them.

THIS is the most true thing I have ever read on DCUM -- it's not about The conflict between being a mother and a sexual creature once the kids are in elementary school, it's a matter of how much time vs. how much sleep do I need vs. what works to get everyone off. If road head did anything for me and no kids were in the car, that would be done so much you would think it was vanilla.

+1

[Anonymous]

For most women, the translation from freaky to vanilla sex is part and parcel of their overall declining interest in sex in general.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For most women, the translation from freaky to vanilla sex is part and parcel of their overall declining interest in sex in general.

translation = transition

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DW and I are 40-50's with 2 children. Early in our relationship and marriage, sex was freaky. Not threesomes and BDSM freaky, but beyond vanilla. Over time, DW seems to be less interested in freaky and more vanilla. For example, in our 20's she'd be all over a nude beach. Today, if we get it on, she draws all the curtains, even if we're at a hotel.

For clarity, I get enough and of enough variety that I'm happy. But I do miss the old days at times.

For those with reasonably healthy sex lives, did you see a shift to more conservative as you aged?

When we were young and dumb we all did crazier things - backyard sex, road head etc. When your kids become teenagers and young adults you hope that they are not as crazy as we were, but they likely are. Dealing with all of that can easily suppress freaky-ness. No doubt being with one person for 20 years can make things very predictable and less adventuresome. If you miss the old days start using your imagination and come up with ideas or locations that your wife might consider "age appropriate'" but create some spark. We installed a hot tub right off our MBR and once in awhile jump in for something other than dealing with sore muscles. My DW really gets into hotel sex (girl loves the Four Seasons!) and we get started in the elevator. We've always had a healthy sex life albeit somewhat vanilla but changing location and adding in some spontaneity has been effective. Be happy you have a healthy sex life. You are in the minority on DCum!