Has sex become more vanilla?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People only do what they really enjoy and get pleasure from. Freaky may have been adventuresome and exciting but not necessarily enjoyable or fulfilling. If she really enjoys vanilla, make it the best vanilla possible. A change of location can help, a surprise time of day. Bring a can of Ready Whip to bed and tell her you are adding some whipped cream to the vanilla ice cream! Her eyes may roll but she might go for it. My DH did that to me and I initially thought he was crazy but it turned out to be fun.

OP here. This is very insightful. I do try to make it the best it can be, but there's always room for improvement.

[Anonymous]

Evolutionary psychology is the reason women find it more difficult to stay monogamous. Guys will screw anything but for a woman, the mental aspect of sex is a bigger deal. A new partner stimulates a women more than a guy.

[Anonymous]

We've gotten more adventurous and strangely, considering that we are a late 40's couple, do it more frequently than when we were in our late 30's, early 40's. We watch porn together, go to toy shops, try new positions, etc. It's great. I haven't hit full menopause yet but I hope this continues. We have been together 18 years and we are closer than ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For most women, the translation from freaky to vanilla sex is part and parcel of their overall declining interest in sex with their husbands specifically, not sex in general.

Fixed that for you. Guaranteed that all of the DWs professing their lack of interest in sex would change their tune if another man was in the picture. Monogamy is hard. Even harder for women.

Why is monogamy harder for women? If a man wrote that monogamy is harder for men this thread would be set on fire!!!! I've been monogamous for 35 years and if you have the right partner it's not that tough. Have I ever been tempted or thought about not being monogamous? Of course, I'm not dead! But why would I wreck what I have? Monogamy is really hard if you're not happy with what you have.

Monogamy is hard if you've had much better sex with other people but got married for reasons other than great sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are late 40s and have been together over 25 years. Still having frequent and often wild sex 3-4x/week. We try new things, use different rooms in the house, make sure we each get pleasure and are satisfied. I'd say I crush on other people a fair amount but always bring that energy back to my own bedroom )and share these fantasies with DH, which helps). It can happen!

do you have children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We've gotten more adventurous and strangely, considering that we are a late 40's couple, do it more frequently than when we were in our late 30's, early 40's. We watch porn together, go to toy shops, try new positions, etc. It's great. I haven't hit full menopause yet but I hope this continues. We have been together 18 years and we are closer than ever.

Hot

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For most women, the translation from freaky to vanilla sex is part and parcel of their overall declining interest in sex with their husbands specifically, not sex in general.

Fixed that for you. Guaranteed that all of the DWs professing their lack of interest in sex would change their tune if another man was in the picture. Monogamy is hard. Even harder for women.

Why is monogamy harder for women? If a man wrote that monogamy is harder for men this thread would be set on fire!!!! I've been monogamous for 35 years and if you have the right partner it's not that tough. Have I ever been tempted or thought about not being monogamous? Of course, I'm not dead! But why would I wreck what I have? Monogamy is really hard if you're not happy with what you have.

Monogamy is hard if you've had much better sex with other people but got married for reasons other than great sex.

You are kidding aren't you? Sex is an important part of marriage, but great sex isn't the reason for getting married or staying married. A bitch may be awesome in bed, but she's still a bitch. I have a good sex life but wouldn't describe it as great, but I have a great marriage being married to a wonderful woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For most women, the translation from freaky to vanilla sex is part and parcel of their overall declining interest in sex with their husbands specifically, not sex in general.

Fixed that for you. Guaranteed that all of the DWs professing their lack of interest in sex would change their tune if another man was in the picture. Monogamy is hard. Even harder for women.

Why is monogamy harder for women? If a man wrote that monogamy is harder for men this thread would be set on fire!!!! I've been monogamous for 35 years and if you have the right partner it's not that tough. Have I ever been tempted or thought about not being monogamous? Of course, I'm not dead! But why would I wreck what I have? Monogamy is really hard if you're not happy with what you have.

Let me clarify. Staying FAITHFUL is just as hard for both. But for women, staying INTERESTED in sex with the same man is more difficult. Read the endless posts here where men decry their wives' lack of interest in sex with them, while wives decry their husbands' unwanted interest in sex with them. Most DHs posting here just want their wives to WANT to have sex with them. Most wives posting here on the subject want to have as little sex with their husbands as possible. Even the ones who are genuinely trying to meet them halfway are doing the bare minimum to keep their husbands from straying due to lack of sex.

This is a really interesting perspective!.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For most women, the translation from freaky to vanilla sex is part and parcel of their overall declining interest in sex with their husbands specifically, not sex in general.

Fixed that for you. Guaranteed that all of the DWs professing their lack of interest in sex would change their tune if another man was in the picture. Monogamy is hard. Even harder for women.

Why is monogamy harder for women? If a man wrote that monogamy is harder for men this thread would be set on fire!!!! I've been monogamous for 35 years and if you have the right partner it's not that tough. Have I ever been tempted or thought about not being monogamous? Of course, I'm not dead! But why would I wreck what I have? Monogamy is really hard if you're not happy with what you have.

Monogamy is hard if you've had much better sex with other people but got married for reasons other than great sex.

You are kidding aren't you? Sex is an important part of marriage, but great sex isn't the reason for getting married or staying married. A bitch may be awesome in bed, but she's still a bitch. I have a good sex life but wouldn't describe it as great, but I have a great marriage being married to a wonderful woman.

A douche may be desperate for sex, but that doesn't mean he's getting any.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For most women, the translation from freaky to vanilla sex is part and parcel of their overall declining interest in sex with their husbands specifically, not sex in general.

Fixed that for you. Guaranteed that all of the DWs professing their lack of interest in sex would change their tune if another man was in the picture. Monogamy is hard. Even harder for women.

Why is monogamy harder for women? If a man wrote that monogamy is harder for men this thread would be set on fire!!!! I've been monogamous for 35 years and if you have the right partner it's not that tough. Have I ever been tempted or thought about not being monogamous? Of course, I'm not dead! But why would I wreck what I have? Monogamy is really hard if you're not happy with what you have.

Let me clarify. Staying FAITHFUL is just as hard for both. But for women, staying INTERESTED in sex with the same man is more difficult. Read the endless posts here where men decry their wives' lack of interest in sex with them, while wives decry their husbands' unwanted interest in sex with them. Most DHs posting here just want their wives to WANT to have sex with them. Most wives posting here on the subject want to have as little sex with their husbands as possible. Even the ones who are genuinely trying to meet them halfway are doing the bare minimum to keep their husbands from straying due to lack of sex.

Yet another reason not to get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For most women, the translation from freaky to vanilla sex is part and parcel of their overall declining interest in sex with their husbands specifically, not sex in general.

Fixed that for you. Guaranteed that all of the DWs professing their lack of interest in sex would change their tune if another man was in the picture. Monogamy is hard. Even harder for women.

I agree with you that monogamy is harder on women in that women lose their drive more often in LTRs. But then again, since men's drives stay constant, and they constantly desire novelty, and they are now married to people who lost desire, its much harder for men to stay faithful.

I agree with this. Especially as we get older we become more attractive to younger women. I'm married and fit in my mid-thirties and I'm practically beating them away with a stick. I get offers - where in my 20's I didn't. There's something about a guy in his mid to late thirties who is fit, has a good career and has maturity. I have dark hair with specks of gray, good body and good law-line and have a lot of confidence.

I won't cheat because I'm not like that. However if the sex were to stop, I'd leave and not regret it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are late 40s and have been together over 25 years. Still having frequent and often wild sex 3-4x/week. We try new things, use different rooms in the house, make sure we each get pleasure and are satisfied. I'd say I crush on other people a fair amount but always bring that energy back to my own bedroom )and share these fantasies with DH, which helps). It can happen!

do you have children?

Yes, we have two kids in middle school. Another recent poster talked about getting more adventurous in the late 40s and I would say this also describes us. Things are almost crackling they are so hot lately.