Ritual of "gratefulness" when outsiders are present. Isn't this unbearable?

[Anonymous]

I find it unbearable to be present as a guest at the holidays when someone's family is made or encouraged to go around the table and declare what they are grateful for. I just can't stand it.

Why did this tradition evolve? It's so smarmy and insincere. The kids always say they are grateful for their family, and then add a couple of presents in "My Wingding 2000." "My new bike."

The parents ooze about their families, their spouses, their health, etc.

Why, why, why?

[Anonymous]

Substitute for prayer.

It's a good practice in general. But I don't like it either in front of others. On the spot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it unbearable to be present as a guest at the holidays when someone's family is made or encouraged to go around the table and declare what they are grateful for. I just can't stand it.

Why did this tradition evolve? It's so smarmy and insincere. The kids always say they are grateful for their family, and then add a couple of presents in "My Wingding 2000." "My new bike."

The parents ooze about their families, their spouses, their health, etc.

Why, why, why?

I don't think that there is a problem with the ritual as much as there is a problem with the execution of the ritual. Especially since we live in a society that truly lacks perspective and gratitude. We take a lot of things for granted because we live in a first world country (first world problems). There is nothing wrong to take time to discuss what you are thankful for, if only to remind yourself to be grateful for things that other may never have. However, if it is done in a ritualistic, go through the motions type of way as you describe, then yes, it is pointless because it is not within the spirit of the ritual.

[Anonymous]

I love them. We do not have enough rituals in our society.

[Anonymous]

Jeez OP. If this is your biggest concern, you should be *grateful*. Just because you don't feel gratitude or appreciate others feeling grateful doesn't mean we should all just shut up and dig in without a word of thanks.

[Anonymous]

My brother and his wife do something similar but, they ask their guests to say what was a "thorn" about their day and what was a "rose" ( bad thing/good thing)

Personally, we don't do this but, when I am eating dinner at his house I gamely go along. It is nice to give pause and think what was good and bad and it is a good conversation starter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jeez OP. If this is your biggest concern, you should be *grateful*. Just because you don't feel gratitude or appreciate others feeling grateful doesn't mean we should all just shut up and dig in without a word of thanks.

Let's count the assumptions: (1) this is my biggest concern; (2) I don't feel gratitude; (3) I can't appreciate others feelings grateful; (4) I want to dig in without a word of thanks.

You really have some problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love them. We do not have enough rituals in our society.

+1

Nor do we have enough gratitude.

[Anonymous]

As a foreigner, I was surprised and uncomfortable the first time I witnessed this as a guest at a Thanksgiving dinner - but of course I thought it was part of the day's ritual.

Any other time, and I wouldn't want to participate. The host of that dinner often makes toasts at every meal expressing his various gratitudes, while he spends the rest of his life whining and raging. Expressive personality, that guy!

I'm deeply grateful to be alive and to have loving friends and family, but I practice daily mindfulness and meditate about it instead of emoting publicly about it!

[Anonymous]

Cultivating a mindset of gratitude in children is something most people do not do well. And gratitude is one of the most important things in the world. Several times during the day, I intentionally pause, breathe, and say (often just in my mind) "I Am so grateful for.....".

I Am grateful for my life. I Am grateful for my family. I Am grateful for my friends. I Am grateful for clean water. I Am grateful for food. I Am grateful for my health. I Am grateful for financial abundance. I could go on forever. I always capitalize "I Am" as a reminder of the power behind the affirmation. Every I Am is a powerful spell breathed into the universe.

Our children have been taught the same. As adults that cultivation of gratitude has served them well when life became difficult. We have always practiced rituals of gratitude in our home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cultivating a mindset of gratitude in children is something most people do not do well. And gratitude is one of the most important things in the world. Several times during the day, I intentionally pause, breathe, and say (often just in my mind) "I Am so grateful for.....".

I Am grateful for my life. I Am grateful for my family. I Am grateful for my friends. I Am grateful for clean water. I Am grateful for food. I Am grateful for my health. I Am grateful for financial abundance. I could go on forever. I always capitalize "I Am" as a reminder of the power behind the affirmation. Every I Am is a powerful spell breathed into the universe.

Our children have been taught the same. As adults that cultivation of gratitude has served them well when life became difficult. We have always practiced rituals of gratitude in our home.

That's fine. But tossing off this litany in front of others is glib and smug.

[Anonymous]

Gratefulness is so important. I love when people go around the table and say what they are grateful for.

[Anonymous]

I don't announce my gratitude to the universe. That's not gratitude. That's bragging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cultivating a mindset of gratitude in children is something most people do not do well. And gratitude is one of the most important things in the world. Several times during the day, I intentionally pause, breathe, and say (often just in my mind) "I Am so grateful for.....".

I Am grateful for my life. I Am grateful for my family. I Am grateful for my friends. I Am grateful for clean water. I Am grateful for food. I Am grateful for my health. I Am grateful for financial abundance. I could go on forever. I always capitalize "I Am" as a reminder of the power behind the affirmation. Every I Am is a powerful spell breathed into the universe.

Our children have been taught the same. As adults that cultivation of gratitude has served them well when life became difficult. We have always practiced rituals of gratitude in our home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cultivating a mindset of gratitude in children is something most people do not do well. And gratitude is one of the most important things in the world. Several times during the day, I intentionally pause, breathe, and say (often just in my mind) "I Am so grateful for.....".

I Am grateful for my life. I Am grateful for my family. I Am grateful for my friends. I Am grateful for clean water. I Am grateful for food. I Am grateful for my health. I Am grateful for financial abundance. I could go on forever. I always capitalize "I Am" as a reminder of the power behind the affirmation. Every I Am is a powerful spell breathed into the universe.

Our children have been taught the same. As adults that cultivation of gratitude has served them well when life became difficult. We have always practiced rituals of gratitude in our home.

That's fine. But tossing off this litany in front of others is glib and smug.

I don't think so. At least not if done correctly. Going around the table asking people to name something they are grateful for can make people feel uncomfortable and put "on the spot". However, a ritual of family discussion every night at supper specifically about gratitude is very natural. Our guests always join in the conversation because it isn't forced or fake. It's a genuine moment of reflection at the end of a busy day.