Why does this guy from my past keep contacting me?

[Anonymous]

I don't get it. Every few months, he will contact me out of the blue, and want to start texting/find out if I'm in the same city/what I'm doing.

FWIW, I have never slept with him, and he's not exactly hurting for female company either, so if this an attempt to get a quick hookup, I think he'd have to be insane.

We kissed once and had a kind of flirtatious relationship before he had to move away, at which point I started dating someone else, but only after he ghosted me and was very non responsive.

I put it behind me and a year later, he contacted me. We texted for a few weeks, with him sending me songs that "reminded me of him", that were pretty romantic.

I found out later he was in a relationship at that time- only later because I searched for his instagram- he had kept his GF completely hidden from his Facebook.

We finally ended up being in the same city a while ago, and he really wanted to meet up. At this point, I kind of consider him a friend, although he's not bad looking and I would be open to something potentially romantic, though that seems very hypothetical given our history. So I told him where I was, out with friends, and we met up and he told me he was going off with his friends to get a drink at the bar. A guy who I had been seeing came up and put his arm around me for a little bit (again, I'm not dating guy 1 or guy 2, so i didn't think this would be a big deal) and I waited for guy 1 to come back, but we had to leave because my friend group was getting restless.

Since then, he's been really non responsive to my texts (not that I've sent him that many)

I gave it up and then the other day he messaged me again. I just don't get it.

What the hell does this guy want from me or what is he after? I'm totally cool with being friends, or if he wanted to think about dating, i would not necessarily be opposed, but I am completely flummoxed and confused as to why he keeps contacting me and then ghosting on me later, seemingly getting angry with me to the point of cutting off contact. Am I insane?

[Anonymous]

Could be that he likes to keep a lot of possibilities open for the future. He probably does this with a number of women, all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't get it. Every few months, he will contact me out of the blue, and want to start texting/find out if I'm in the same city/what I'm doing.

FWIW, I have never slept with him, and he's not exactly hurting for female company either, so if this an attempt to get a quick hookup, I think he'd have to be insane.

We kissed once and had a kind of flirtatious relationship before he had to move away, at which point I started dating someone else, but only after he ghosted me and was very non responsive.

I put it behind me and a year later, he contacted me. We texted for a few weeks, with him sending me songs that "reminded me of him", that were pretty romantic.

I found out later he was in a relationship at that time- only later because I searched for his instagram- he had kept his GF completely hidden from his Facebook.

We finally ended up being in the same city a while ago, and he really wanted to meet up. At this point, I kind of consider him a friend, although he's not bad looking and I would be open to something potentially romantic, though that seems very hypothetical given our history. So I told him where I was, out with friends, and we met up and he told me he was going off with his friends to get a drink at the bar. A guy who I had been seeing came up and put his arm around me for a little bit (again, I'm not dating guy 1 or guy 2, so i didn't think this would be a big deal) and I waited for guy 1 to come back, but we had to leave because my friend group was getting restless.

Since then, he's been really non responsive to my texts (not that I've sent him that many)

I gave it up and then the other day he messaged me again. I just don't get it.

What the hell does this guy want from me or what is he after? I'm totally cool with being friends, or if he wanted to think about dating, i would not necessarily be opposed, but I am completely flummoxed and confused as to why he keeps contacting me and then ghosting on me later, seemingly getting angry with me to the point of cutting off contact. Am I insane?

TL;DR

[Anonymous]

Well, he wants to f*** you, he's just not going about it in a very serious way.

[Anonymous]

OP you emit a slutty ofor, which men can smell from a mile away. He is keeping options open to slide one in.

[Anonymous]

Slutty odor

[Anonymous]

The answer to your title question is that you keep responding, OP. Stop it already.

[Anonymous]

OP, as someone who has played this game more than once, I can say with 100% confidence that this guy is NOT your friend. So, forget that idea.

You are a back-up girl, and he gets a self-esteem charge from knowing he can get your attention. That's it. He wants to think you are his. When he's confident of that, he'll ghost you until he senses you are pulling away. Then he'll come back and try to rope you in again. As you get increasingly frustrated, he will increase his attentions because he knows he has to. As soon as you relent, he'll back off again. This is not because he cares about you or because you are meant to be. It's because he needs attention. He may even be a sex or love addict. This is often how they work.

RUN. Run far, far, far away. Cut off contact completely. He's not worth your time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, as someone who has played this game more than once, I can say with 100% confidence that this guy is NOT your friend. So, forget that idea.

You are a back-up girl, and he gets a self-esteem charge from knowing he can get your attention. That's it. He wants to think you are his. When he's confident of that, he'll ghost you until he senses you are pulling away. Then he'll come back and try to rope you in again. As you get increasingly frustrated, he will increase his attentions because he knows he has to. As soon as you relent, he'll back off again. This is not because he cares about you or because you are meant to be. It's because he needs attention. He may even be a sex or love addict. This is often how they work.

RUN. Run far, far, far away. Cut off contact completely. He's not worth your time.

Thank you for your words, and I definitely considered them. However, I have to say, it doesn't seem to fit in my case as I am kind of aloof (in general) so if it's validation or attention he's looking for, he's definitely not getting it from me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, as someone who has played this game more than once, I can say with 100% confidence that this guy is NOT your friend. So, forget that idea.

You are a back-up girl, and he gets a self-esteem charge from knowing he can get your attention. That's it. He wants to think you are his. When he's confident of that, he'll ghost you until he senses you are pulling away. Then he'll come back and try to rope you in again. As you get increasingly frustrated, he will increase his attentions because he knows he has to. As soon as you relent, he'll back off again. This is not because he cares about you or because you are meant to be. It's because he needs attention. He may even be a sex or love addict. This is often how they work.

RUN. Run far, far, far away. Cut off contact completely. He's not worth your time.

Thank you for your words, and I definitely considered them. However, I have to say, it doesn't seem to fit in my case as I am kind of aloof (in general) so if it's validation or attention he's looking for, he's definitely not getting it from me.

...and it's that much more gratifying when you do contact him. Get it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, as someone who has played this game more than once, I can say with 100% confidence that this guy is NOT your friend. So, forget that idea.

You are a back-up girl, and he gets a self-esteem charge from knowing he can get your attention. That's it. He wants to think you are his. When he's confident of that, he'll ghost you until he senses you are pulling away. Then he'll come back and try to rope you in again. As you get increasingly frustrated, he will increase his attentions because he knows he has to. As soon as you relent, he'll back off again. This is not because he cares about you or because you are meant to be. It's because he needs attention. He may even be a sex or love addict. This is often how they work.

RUN. Run far, far, far away. Cut off contact completely. He's not worth your time.

Thank you for your words, and I definitely considered them. However, I have to say, it doesn't seem to fit in my case as I am kind of aloof (in general) so if it's validation or attention he's looking for, he's definitely not getting it from me.

You are texting him and going to social events with him. You make think you are being aloof, but he is getting a different message. Further, in not fawning over him (but still being receptive), you present a challenge. Attention that's hard to get is worth more. He's still going to back off again once he's got your attention.

But, you don't have to believe me. I didn't believe people who told me this when it was me either. Maybe we're both people who have to learn the hard way. Good luck. (And I mean that genuinely, not sarcastically.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, as someone who has played this game more than once, I can say with 100% confidence that this guy is NOT your friend. So, forget that idea.

You are a back-up girl, and he gets a self-esteem charge from knowing he can get your attention. That's it. He wants to think you are his. When he's confident of that, he'll ghost you until he senses you are pulling away. Then he'll come back and try to rope you in again. As you get increasingly frustrated, he will increase his attentions because he knows he has to. As soon as you relent, he'll back off again. This is not because he cares about you or because you are meant to be. It's because he needs attention. He may even be a sex or love addict. This is often how they work.

RUN. Run far, far, far away. Cut off contact completely. He's not worth your time.

Thank you for your words, and I definitely considered them. However, I have to say, it doesn't seem to fit in my case as I am kind of aloof (in general) so if it's validation or attention he's looking for, he's definitely not getting it from me.

...and it's that much more gratifying when you do contact him. Get it?

I guess. I rarely contact him first, and never when he "ghosts" me. I'm not trying to be rude or discount your situation, I just feel that it doesn't fit my particular case, though I'm not saying his motives are not equally as uncharitable. It's just that, when I think about the two of us, it doesn't have the ring of truth. Additionally, I never really get frustrated when he starts to pull away. I have always just left him alone. So I don't think it provides him with the kind of drama you are describing

[Anonymous]

This is 20:51. I didn't post at 21:00, though I agree with the sentiment. I posted at 21:02.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, as someone who has played this game more than once, I can say with 100% confidence that this guy is NOT your friend. So, forget that idea.

You are a back-up girl, and he gets a self-esteem charge from knowing he can get your attention. That's it. He wants to think you are his. When he's confident of that, he'll ghost you until he senses you are pulling away. Then he'll come back and try to rope you in again. As you get increasingly frustrated, he will increase his attentions because he knows he has to. As soon as you relent, he'll back off again. This is not because he cares about you or because you are meant to be. It's because he needs attention. He may even be a sex or love addict. This is often how they work.

RUN. Run far, far, far away. Cut off contact completely. He's not worth your time.

Thank you for your words, and I definitely considered them. However, I have to say, it doesn't seem to fit in my case as I am kind of aloof (in general) so if it's validation or attention he's looking for, he's definitely not getting it from me.

That's probably why he's doing it. Clingy people often get stuck in patterns where they chase "emotionally unavailable" people.

[Anonymous]

I'll make this simple: He wants to have sex with you. He's not your friend. Seeing you with the other guy ticked him off, hence the disappearing act.