Why does this guy from my past keep contacting me?

[Anonymous]

Why would you even consider dating someone who was flirting with you while he had a girlfriend!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you even consider dating someone who was flirting with you while he had a girlfriend!?

I don't want to date him, he just popped randomly into my head today and I am curious as to why someone would behave in this way. It seems utterly bizarre to me

[Anonymous]

You're the one who got away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, as someone who has played this game more than once, I can say with 100% confidence that this guy is NOT your friend. So, forget that idea.

You are a back-up girl, and he gets a self-esteem charge from knowing he can get your attention. That's it. He wants to think you are his. When he's confident of that, he'll ghost you until he senses you are pulling away. Then he'll come back and try to rope you in again. As you get increasingly frustrated, he will increase his attentions because he knows he has to. As soon as you relent, he'll back off again. This is not because he cares about you or because you are meant to be. It's because he needs attention. He may even be a sex or love addict. This is often how they work.

RUN. Run far, far, far away. Cut off contact completely. He's not worth your time.

Thank you for your words, and I definitely considered them. However, I have to say, it doesn't seem to fit in my case as I am kind of aloof (in general) so if it's validation or attention he's looking for, he's definitely not getting it from me.

NP. Do you EVER respond to these lame reach outs? Because if you ever do--you're feeding his ego.

[Anonymous]

He sounds very immature, unstable & really really wishy washy.

I honestly don't even see him as a decent "friend" for you.

He seemingly is taking you for granted.

I would just drop him like a hot potato.

Games are for boys, not men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't get it. Every few months, he will contact me out of the blue, and want to start texting/find out if I'm in the same city/what I'm doing.

FWIW, I have never slept with him, and he's not exactly hurting for female company either, so if this an attempt to get a quick hookup, I think he'd have to be insane.

We kissed once and had a kind of flirtatious relationship before he had to move away, at which point I started dating someone else, but only after he ghosted me and was very non responsive.

I put it behind me and a year later, he contacted me. We texted for a few weeks, with him sending me songs that "reminded me of him", that were pretty romantic.

I found out later he was in a relationship at that time- only later because I searched for his instagram- he had kept his GF completely hidden from his Facebook.

We finally ended up being in the same city a while ago, and he really wanted to meet up. At this point, I kind of consider him a friend, although he's not bad looking and I would be open to something potentially romantic, though that seems very hypothetical given our history. So I told him where I was, out with friends, and we met up and he told me he was going off with his friends to get a drink at the bar. A guy who I had been seeing came up and put his arm around me for a little bit (again, I'm not dating guy 1 or guy 2, so i didn't think this would be a big deal) and I waited for guy 1 to come back, but we had to leave because my friend group was getting restless.

Since then, he's been really non responsive to my texts (not that I've sent him that many)

I gave it up and then the other day he messaged me again. I just don't get it.

What the hell does this guy want from me or what is he after? I'm totally cool with being friends, or if he wanted to think about dating, i would not necessarily be opposed, but I am completely flummoxed and confused as to why he keeps contacting me and then ghosting on me later, seemingly getting angry with me to the point of cutting off contact. Am I insane?

[Anonymous]

^pp are you implying the guy wants sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, he wants to f*** you, he's just not going about it in a very serious way.

+1

Don't make it complicated

[Anonymous]

he's interested in sleeping with you, but you're probably one of many back up girls. and once he does, he will ghost you. then, months later, when he feels horny again, he will text you to see if he can get you in bed again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you even consider dating someone who was flirting with you while he had a girlfriend!?

I don't want to date him, he just popped randomly into my head today and I am curious as to why someone would behave in this way. It seems utterly bizarre to me

NP here. In your prior post you indicate that you wouldn't be opposed to dating him -- or at least you were in the past, and that was after he had already shown his true colors by ghosting you and reaching out while he had a GF. This shows poor character on his part. I don't understand why you would even consider him a friend, he hasn't proven himself worthwhile.

As for why he keeps contacting you - he may have some kind of fantasy about you, possibly even romantic, but he is incapable of following through, for whatever reason. In terms of any kind of relationship potential, as a friend or more, this guy is a dead end. The pattern will repeat itself endlessly.
I can't speak to his psyche or what truly motivates him but I can say that this is not someone you should waste a moment more of your time with.

[Anonymous]

^^ meant at least you *weren't* opposed to dating him in the past.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you are the one he considers "got away". Even if you never dated.

I had an ex like this. Would contact me yearly (even though I was in a relationship). For 7 years he contancted me. Then he got a gf and accused me of something that never happened. I think he had some issues. Makes it easier for me not to hear from him, but I wish him good luck.

[Anonymous]

It seems like you're getting a pretty unanimous response, OP. Yet, you've continued to insist that the explanation you've been given just doesn't feel accurate to you. Curious, then, what you think is going on, since you clearly think everyone else is wrong.

[Anonymous]

You are the one that got away but he doesn't have the balls to make it work or follow through.

Save yourself the time and mental energy of wondering about him anymore

[Anonymous]

He's obviously attracted to you and thinks you are also into him but timing hasn't worked out.

I can think of at least a dozen guys that I met during my 20's who were totally dateable but timing was off. I married my DH. He had perfect timing but there were other guys I met during an on/off time with an ex that I would meet in NY and Boston.